This Is How I Disappear

Zacky's P.O.V

I am awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. I get up from the bed, it's then that I realize that I am sore and alone. I run to answer the phone, ignoring the realizations that have come too.

“Hello.”

“HELLO! What are you doing, and why are you out of breath.” Johnny said, he sounded a little drunk.

“Nothing, what do you want.”

“Well, Delilah here wouldn't shut up, until I called and made sure you were still alive.”

I said nothing, I knew that Delilah wasn't here, but what the fuck was she doing at Johnny's.

“Why?” I asked confused

“Well, that's what I said, I mean, I was all for trying to save you from yourself until I found out that you hit Delilah. What do you think Jimmy would-” and with that I hung up the phone.

The last thing I need to here is that name, the last thing I need is to think about Jimmy. If Jimmy were here he would kick my ass, for this behavior I knew that.

But that's just it, Jimmy isn't here, and I refuse to go through the rest of my life like Matt, Brian, Johnny and every-goddamn-body else, pretending that he was.

Jimmy is dead, he is gone. And now my fiancee-well I guess ex-fiancee- has left me too.
What the fuck ever I don't care anymore.

This is what I keep telling myself. Do I believe it no, not one ounce of it. I am honestly trying to straighten my ass out.

I haven't taken a single drop of “IT” since the night my “best friends” took my only reason for existence away from me. Since the day I stood there with Matt and Brian, holding on too me-tightly- as I watched her pack her shit and leave with Johnny, who had his arm thrown around her shoulders.

As I am thinking these thoughts, I here I little voice in the back of my head saying

“This could all end, all this pain, all this heartache. All you have to do is simple take to much of “IT”.
Or maybe load a gun, make a noose, or simple take a swim and forget to come up for air.”

I am standing here alone, with this images in my head, I feel the need to call someone. I picked the phone up and dialed his number. The only person who could always talk me out of this kind of shit, the only person who could shut that stupid voice up.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Allie.”

“Zacky? What's Wrong.” I just now remembered that I have called to talk to my best friend Jimmy, who left me.

I hung up, I couldn't talk to her. After all this was my fault. That's when it hit me, full on. I am responsible for Jimmy's death, and I am responsible for losing Delilah and I am responsible for losing my best friends.

I have nothing, and like a bug on a windshield I am squashed. I realize that there is no one here to stop me, and there is no one here to care.

My mind is made up, no one can talk me out of this. I walked over to the kitchen and get my cell phone. My life is going to end in just a few short moments, but I have to tell her how sorry I am, even if she doesn't care.

Even if she is happy there with Johnny. I have to tell her that I love her and I never meant to bring her down, I never meant to be so could, so heartless.

I dialed her cell-number and waited for her to answer, she didn't. But I started on a mission so I left a voice-mail.

I walked into my bedroom to the place where a rather large bag filled to the very top was sitting there. I took every last drop of it, if this didn't kill me nothing would. I walked staggered over to the night stand where a picture of me and Delilah and a picture of me and Jimmy sat.

I laid down and waited for death to overcome me. The pictures swirling in my head where enough to make me want to die, were I not already. I feel something black coming over me. And then I hear a noise in the living room.

“Zacky!” Delilah yelled as she took in my appearance. Which by the way was horrible.

I couldn't move.
I couldn't speak.
I closed my eyes,
as death over took me.