You Can't Break My Heart If It's Already Made of Stone

Clarissa’s first birthday passed, and it was an exciting occasion. My mom bought a cake and we threw a little party for her. It was a nice time, and I was feeling really good. Everything I needed to know I knew, Clarissa was a happy, healthy baby, my mom and I were closer then ever, and I had lost almost all of my pregnancy weight.

One night in late June, I was working at the diner. A young guy around, 24, maybe, came in and sat down. I went over to serve him, flashing my nicest smile. “Hi, my name’s Sarah and I’ll be your server for tonight. Can I start you off with a drink?

He smiled back, flashing white, ever-so-slightly crooked teeth. “Hi Sarah, I’m Isaac. And I would love a coffee, black with two sugars if you don’t mind.” I nodded happily and went to get it. It wasn’t often we had polite guys come in, especially by themselves.

I brought his coffee and took his order of a cheeseburger and fries. He made a funny remark every time I brought him something, and I genuinely laughed every time. At the end, he left, giving me a really nice tip, telling me he hoped to see me again sometime. “I’m here pretty often,” I replied, half-joking. He winked, and then left.

A week later, the next Sunday night, he was back. When a waitress tried to serve him, he politely declined and said he wanted me. I served him again, and we talked and laughed for a few seconds every time I brought him something. Then he left, this time saying, “I will see you again soon.”

The next Sunday, he was back again and this time, when he left the tip, instead of leaving money, he left a folded up piece of paper that hade a phone number on it and said,
“How about coffee?”

I was elated, and called Isaac the next night. He answered on the second ring, and sounded really happy to hear from me. “Sarah! Hi, wow, it’s really nice to hear from you. Do you maybe want to go grab a cup of coffee tomorrow night? I’m not sure where you live but if you live near the diner I know that there’s a Starbucks around the corner.”

I laughed at how nervous he sounded. “I would love to. Meet me there at 7?” I could hear him grinning through the phone.

“Sounds perfect.”

I was really, really excited. Isaac seemed like a really nice guy, and I was happy to have finally met one of those. As I lay in bed that night, thinking about him, a sudden wave of fear hit me. What if he was like all the others? Just wanting something sexual from me? I couldn’t handle another David.

I crept in to my mom’s room and sat down next to her. She woke up immediately. “Sarah? What’s wrong?” I felt bad for waking her up, but I burst in to tears the second she asked me.

She looked at me worriedly and asked, “Is this something to do with your little date with Isaac tomorrow? I nodded slowly. My mom pulled me in to a hug. “You’re scared, that he’s just going to harass you, or treat you kindly and then like dirt when you won’t give him what he wants.” I nodded again, and my mother sighed.

“Sarah, I’m not surprised you feel this way. A lot of men have hurt you in the past. But there comes a time when you, and only you will know what to do. This is that time when you decide if you want to take that leap of faith or if you want to wait, however long it may be, for another good guy to come along.”

I stopped crying and thanked my mom, then I went back to bed, thinking for at least another hour. And then I knew what I wanted to do.

The next night, as I threw on a skirt and tank top, my mom came in my room. “I think you’ve made a good choice Sarah, but let me give you one last piece of advice before you go. Protect your heart.” I smiled and hugged her.

“Thanks Mom. Don’t worry. I’m starting slow. Just some coffee. I’ll see you later. Thank you for watching Clarissa for me.” She gave me an extra squeeze and I left.

As I neared Starbucks I saw Isaac already waiting for me at a table near the window. He looked really good in dark wash jeans and a crisp white shirt, and when I sat down across from him I could smell his Calvin Klein cologne.

He smiled when he saw me. “Hey, Sarah, I’m so glad you could make it. Do you live close to here?” And that’s how it went for the next hour and a half. Easy small talk, that kind of chatter that wasn’t forced or awkward. We didn’t discuss anything deep or serious about our lives, just got to know each other at the basics. Isaac was 25, in his last year of law school. He lived in an apartment with his best friend, Joe, and he went to the large college in town.

When I told him that I was only 20, went to community college, and that I lived with my mom he seemed unfazed, which was really nice. I figured if it went really well, I could tell him about Clarissa later.

At the end of the date, we walked around the park and held hands. Then, right as we were about to split up to go home, he pulled me in to a good night kiss. It was soft, and inviting, not hungry and aggressive. I melted in to him. Our lips only touched on the surface, but it felt like so much more. After a few seconds, it was over, and he grinned boyishly, making him actually look like a college boy, instead of the mature adult he seemed to be. But mature or college boy was fine with me.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he whispered, leaving me feeling tingly all over. I went home floating, but I hit the ground with a thud when I remembered what my mom said. “Protect your heart.” I calmed myself down a little bit. If I let a guy make me feel this amazing after the first date, then I would probably be up for anything with him. I couldn’t let him take advantage of me, and it was only the first date. I relaxed, but still allowed my head to fill with memories of Isaac’s lips against mine.

It turned in to a second date the next night when Isaac called and invited me to go to this club called Déjà Vu. I’d heard about it and it sounded fun, so I was really excited to go.

Isaac picked me up at eight, and I felt so gorgeous in my new dress. I felt even more gorgeous when Isaac told me so. He looked so cute, and I was so happy and unbelievably lucky to be with him.

Unfortunately, the night went sour when my fake ID was rejected and only Isaac could get in. I thought for sure Isaac was going to leave and that would be the end, but instead he grabbed my hand and drove me towards town. “Where are we going?” I asked, but he just smiled mysteriously.

“It’s a surprise,” he said slyly. We stopped at Pathmark, the nearest grocery store, and he left me in the car while he ran inside. I waited impatiently, wondering what he could be doing. But I only waited about five minutes before he came out, pug a bag in the back, and jumped in to the driver’s seat, grinning.

“You ready?” he asked. I nodded, biting my lip but still smiling, trying to figure out what the hell he could be doing. Isaac slipped my hand in to his, and we interlocked fingers.

We drove for about ten minutes in silence before pulling up to the parking lot of a lake surrounded by grass. “What are were doing he-“

Isaac cut me off. “Impatient, aren’t you? How about you trust me and see what happens?” I nodded slowly, letting myself be whisked away to a huge oak tree. Once we were under its enormous branches, Isaac set out a blanket, gesturing for me to sit down. He then grabbed the Pathmark bag and laid out sandwiches, sodas, and cookies. He was setting up a picnic for us.

My heart started racing as the sweetness and romance of this gesture really sunk in to me. “Isaac, this is so sweet.”

He smiled. “Here, have a sandwich.” We each took a sandwich and dug in, staying quiet for a few minutes. Afterwards, we each took a cookie and Isaac started talking again. “I want to know more about you. You are the most amazing girl I’ve met for a long time, and last night I have a feeling I only scratched the surface with you. I want to know the good, the bad, everything.”

I did trust Isaac. And I felt like I could tell him anything. But I didn’t want to spoil the moment. I sat in heavy silence for a few seconds before blurting out, “I have a one year old daughter named Clarissa.” I sat back and nibbled another cookie, waiting for his reaction.

Isaac’s eyes widened, and he spluttered, “Y-you said y-you were t-twenty right?” I nodded and he slowly regained his composure. “Okay. Wow. Well, that was… an interesting piece of news but I said it a minute ago, I really like you. And to tell the truth… I don’t know. I mean, it’s only the second date, but I feel like we have some sort of connection… God, that was really cheesy. That was really cheesy.”

I crawled over to him and lay down in front of him, propping myself up with one elbow. “Thank you. I really like you too. And that wasn’t cheesy, because I feel it too.”

He leaned over me, and I lowered myself to the ground. He came down slowly, getting used to it before his lips met mine. It wasn’t like the night before, this kiss was harder, but not aggressive. Passionate, but not forceful. It exploded in my mouth, pulsing through my body, and making my head swim, in the good way.

We pulled apart slowly, neither of us wanting to pull away first. Finally, I broke apart and lay back. He lay down too, both of us on our backs, looking up through the branches at the star-filled sky.

We talked for at least an hour just about the stars. Isaac was really smart. He knew about all the constellations and he showed them to me. I felt my mind opening just by talking to him.

It was around 10:30 when I got up and told Isaac that I should probably be getting home. “I have a baby to take care of,” I half-joked, but his eyes darkened slightly. I took his hand in mine. “I’ll see you soon okay? We can go out again. How about Friday?”

We were in the car before I saw his teeth break out of his mouth in to a smile again. “Fine. Friday. How about you come over, and we’ll watch a movie? Joe will bring his girlfriend, we can double-date.” I nodded. “Sounds like fun,” I mustered, but inside, I was reeling.

I was just getting used to this whole relationship thing with a guy, I wasn’t sure if I could handle the cattiness of a girl on girl friendship. I hadn’t had one of those- well, ever really. I wondered if cats count.

Isaac dropped me at home, but not before giving me a gentle, good night kiss. I jumped out of the car like a giddy teenager and ran up the apartment stairs and through the door, almost blasting headfirst in to my mom and daughter.