You Can't Break My Heart If It's Already Made of Stone
Chapter 8
The next morning, my mother and I went to a little diner and my mother brought a newspaper. While waiting for our food, my mom showed me some little two bedroom apartments she had been checking out for us to rent. Apparently, she’d been searching for ages, waiting until she was ready to leave.
I was a little confused on how we were going to afford it though. My mom told me that she’d been teaching private piano lessons for months while my father was at work, and building a little fund. I told her we could use my college fund but she said no, saying that she wanted me to go to college, even if only community college. She wanted me to finish my last few months of high school, and if only that, apply to the local college.
My mom took my hand and said, “You will never have a life like other kids, and for that, I am sorry. You, in less then a year, will have a new baby. But I want you to try to have the best life you can. And it will be hard. But you are my strong little girl, and I know you can do it.
Within the next few weeks, we had found a house. I had been skipping school, and we were going to move on that Saturday, a week after we left. So during the days, we went to the old house while my dad wasn’t there, and picked up the rest of our stuff.
On Saturday, we spent the entire day unpacking. It felt so good, and my mother and I were happy.
But Sunday evening, while we were eating dinner, my mom told me she wanted me to go back to school that week. There were only about five months before I was done with high school.
I was scared, but I knew my mom was right. If I was going to college, even a community college, I would have to finish out the year, and with decent grades too. I was afraid of what would happen when people saw me, but I was only about two months in and not really showing yet. Hopefully people would think I was just getting pudgy. In any case, I promised my mom, and I knew she fell asleep that night with peace of mind.
The next day, I got up and got ready for school, inspecting my stomach thoroughly. I didn’t really notice anything different, it looked pretty normal, as if I just had a little bit of extra fat.
Before I left for school, my mom said to me, in a very serious tone, “Sarah, there will be no more fooling around with boys. I’m very serious.” I nodded.
“Of course Mom. I swear.”
When I got to school that day, everything seemed normal. People didn’t even notice I was back, but that was no surprise. But as the day progressed, things took a turn for the worst.
It started when I saw David walking down the hall, headed straight for me. I quickly turned and started power-walking in the other direction, but he soon caught up to me and grabbed a hold of my arm.
“David? What the…?” He started pulling me towards the basement. Oh no. I was not going down this road again, especially not with David. “David! Let go now! No!” But the hall was almost clear, and before I knew it, I was heading down those musty basement steps again, those steps I knew so well.
He pushed me against the wall, kissing me hard, keeping my mouth occupied. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream, could barely even breathe. His hands pushed under my bra, my heart and mind racing. But before David could make one more move, I picked up my leg, and stamped down on his foot as hard as I could.
David yelped and jumped back. We both stood there for a few seconds, breathing heavily, until he finally spoke. “What the hell? So you’ll give it to all the other guys but me? You’re such a slutty bitch, and I bet you’re gonna be a disgusting prostitute when you grow up.”
His words stung, but for some reason they didn’t affect me too much, because I knew that wasn’t true. I didn’t reply, just ran up the stairs, leaving David glaring after me.
I felt weird, strange, violated. It was an awful feeling I couldn’t shake off. And then came the guilt, knowing that I let my mother down. I had promised.
I sprinted to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. With shaking hands, I speed dialed my mom. “Mom? I need you to come pick me up. Please.”
My mom spoke to someone for a second and then answered me. “Sweetie, I’m in the middle of a piano lesson. Is it an emergency?”
I thought about it. It wasn’t an emergency, I guessed. We needed the money. “Um, no, I guess not.” And I hung up.
I went through the rest of my classes hypnotically, waiting for the end of the day, so I could get home and clear my stuffed up, aching head.
When I finally got home, I was overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that I couldn’t control. And when my mom asked me how my day was, I exploded in to a fit of sobs.
My mom led me to the couch and sat with me until I was done crying hysterically. She put her arm around me. “Sarah, honey, what happened?”
I gasped for air as I responded, “David, he, he, he pushed me. Against the wall… in the basement. Felt me up, and I tried to push him off but he was too strong Mom, he was too strong and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” And I collapsed in to more tears.
My mom’s eyes were wide with shock when I finished, and she said quietly, “Sarah, this is serious. That can be classified as sexual harassment. We are going to go to the police about this.”
I was a little confused on how we were going to afford it though. My mom told me that she’d been teaching private piano lessons for months while my father was at work, and building a little fund. I told her we could use my college fund but she said no, saying that she wanted me to go to college, even if only community college. She wanted me to finish my last few months of high school, and if only that, apply to the local college.
My mom took my hand and said, “You will never have a life like other kids, and for that, I am sorry. You, in less then a year, will have a new baby. But I want you to try to have the best life you can. And it will be hard. But you are my strong little girl, and I know you can do it.
Within the next few weeks, we had found a house. I had been skipping school, and we were going to move on that Saturday, a week after we left. So during the days, we went to the old house while my dad wasn’t there, and picked up the rest of our stuff.
On Saturday, we spent the entire day unpacking. It felt so good, and my mother and I were happy.
But Sunday evening, while we were eating dinner, my mom told me she wanted me to go back to school that week. There were only about five months before I was done with high school.
I was scared, but I knew my mom was right. If I was going to college, even a community college, I would have to finish out the year, and with decent grades too. I was afraid of what would happen when people saw me, but I was only about two months in and not really showing yet. Hopefully people would think I was just getting pudgy. In any case, I promised my mom, and I knew she fell asleep that night with peace of mind.
The next day, I got up and got ready for school, inspecting my stomach thoroughly. I didn’t really notice anything different, it looked pretty normal, as if I just had a little bit of extra fat.
Before I left for school, my mom said to me, in a very serious tone, “Sarah, there will be no more fooling around with boys. I’m very serious.” I nodded.
“Of course Mom. I swear.”
When I got to school that day, everything seemed normal. People didn’t even notice I was back, but that was no surprise. But as the day progressed, things took a turn for the worst.
It started when I saw David walking down the hall, headed straight for me. I quickly turned and started power-walking in the other direction, but he soon caught up to me and grabbed a hold of my arm.
“David? What the…?” He started pulling me towards the basement. Oh no. I was not going down this road again, especially not with David. “David! Let go now! No!” But the hall was almost clear, and before I knew it, I was heading down those musty basement steps again, those steps I knew so well.
He pushed me against the wall, kissing me hard, keeping my mouth occupied. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream, could barely even breathe. His hands pushed under my bra, my heart and mind racing. But before David could make one more move, I picked up my leg, and stamped down on his foot as hard as I could.
David yelped and jumped back. We both stood there for a few seconds, breathing heavily, until he finally spoke. “What the hell? So you’ll give it to all the other guys but me? You’re such a slutty bitch, and I bet you’re gonna be a disgusting prostitute when you grow up.”
His words stung, but for some reason they didn’t affect me too much, because I knew that wasn’t true. I didn’t reply, just ran up the stairs, leaving David glaring after me.
I felt weird, strange, violated. It was an awful feeling I couldn’t shake off. And then came the guilt, knowing that I let my mother down. I had promised.
I sprinted to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. With shaking hands, I speed dialed my mom. “Mom? I need you to come pick me up. Please.”
My mom spoke to someone for a second and then answered me. “Sweetie, I’m in the middle of a piano lesson. Is it an emergency?”
I thought about it. It wasn’t an emergency, I guessed. We needed the money. “Um, no, I guess not.” And I hung up.
I went through the rest of my classes hypnotically, waiting for the end of the day, so I could get home and clear my stuffed up, aching head.
When I finally got home, I was overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that I couldn’t control. And when my mom asked me how my day was, I exploded in to a fit of sobs.
My mom led me to the couch and sat with me until I was done crying hysterically. She put her arm around me. “Sarah, honey, what happened?”
I gasped for air as I responded, “David, he, he, he pushed me. Against the wall… in the basement. Felt me up, and I tried to push him off but he was too strong Mom, he was too strong and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” And I collapsed in to more tears.
My mom’s eyes were wide with shock when I finished, and she said quietly, “Sarah, this is serious. That can be classified as sexual harassment. We are going to go to the police about this.”