This Is It.

He pushed me forcibly against the cold violet wall of his bed room as I let a small moan escape from my mouth while he just helped himself and went all the way up to my neck pressing his cold chapped lips against it. I tried to break free from him but it was too late. He got me pinned against the wall with his hands holding on tightly around my wrists. For a brief moment I felt as if the blood stood right there and couldn't reach my hands because of the pressure. With a plea and a motion of my head I tried to get his attention to my penis witch felt like it was set on fire, more like it was bursting with flames. Jesse being such a tease he ignored me and kept on sucking on my neck. Another desperate attempt to draw the least bit of his attention to where I want him to touch me yet it didn't work. He got closer to my ear, nibbled my ear lobe.

"I'm in control here, not you" Jesse whispered into my ear with an oh so sexy voice that could've turned me on if I wasn't turned on in the first place.

I bit my lip and just surrendered I didn't try cause I knew deep down inside me that the more I struggle and demand the more stubborn he will get. He moved his mouth and placed more slobbery kisses across my neck. Oh god just get it over with and go down on me already I thought to myself. He switched to my mouth and our lips met performing such a beautiful harmonic dance along with his tongue which was soon pushed inside my mouth. I sensed myself getting more into the kiss and that's when the charming mister Eisenberg decided to stop and shift downward kissing my neck violently again. He reached my chest and the speed has changed to be a slow tender soft motion placing little precious kisses barely pressing his lips all over my chest as if I was made of porcelain and he was afraid he might break me. I groaned in frustration. He looked up at me with a smirk that would've made me furious but I'm not in the right position to be furious. Sure the way I was being held up against the wall wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world either but I couldn't be furious. He continued to kiss my chest and went lower and lower reaching my abdomen my pelvis and then my crotch.

"Are you going to take off my boxers?" I gasped for air.

"Keep your pants on" he ran his fingers across my hard on in a rhythmic way up and down.

"Very funnnn…eeh" I moaned.

He pulled my boxers down before I even knew it and…

My beautiful dream was interrupted with the loud ringing coming from the telephone.

<i>Fuck</i> I cursed under my breath at the telephone which woke me up…oh another dream, how delighted am I. I dragged my body off the couch and noticed the mess I made. notice: the phone is still ringing I didn't even bother I was hoping the answering machine would get but I won the race and I answered it before the bloody machine did.

I let out a sleepy "Hello?"

"Andrew! where the heck have you been? I called your phone twice and the house as well" It was him, Jesse.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It was like I'm forcing the words to come out of my bitter tasting mouth yet nothing was coming out. All I managed to say was: "I…I…"

"I need to take my stuff" he cut me off.

My breathing started to get heavier I was having a panic attack I wanted to say something but no sound came out. Is this it? is he going to…?

"Andrew? Are you okay?" he asked in a concerned voice.

"Yes" With a tremendous effort I finally managed to say something.

"I'm sending some one to pick up my stuff in an hour"

"Can you come pick them up yourself?" it was a desperate attempt from me to see him and cure my sore eyes.

"Andrew…I…" he paused. "I don't think it's a good idea"

"Please…"

"I'll be there in an hour" He hung up.

My legs could no longer hold the weight of my slim body. The ground could no longer carry me. I felt gravity pulling me down to the floor. I curled up on the floor and weeped. I could no longer take it. I have been crying for the last fourteen days, eight hours, fifty six minutes, forty five seconds and this was the first time he called since he left. Leaving me with no clue, no explanation was devastating enough not to mention the loss of sleep over him. I truly cared about him and I thought he did. I loved him. The funny part is how vulnerably pathetic and desperate I was. I kept on calling him, sending text messages, and trying every possible way to contact him but it seemed to me as if he just vanish into the nothingness and disappeared from the whole existence. I kept on crying even though my head reached to the point where it was about to explode yet I could care less. Everything was overwhelming to me. I Lied helplessly on the floor with the memories we made and the the inside jokes we shared. The seconds seemed like eternity and the minutes didn't feel like they are passing all I knew was he wasn't coming since it's been an hour already. Even though I believed he won't come I had a tiny hopeless voice in my head that told me he might come. I gathered the strength I could gather along with my misery, hurt and sadness to the bathroom to let the hot water wash it all off me and hopefully I would be a new man the moment I step out of the shower.

I got out of the steamy bathroom and got myself in my new black pajamas and marched like a robot to the kitchen to grab a beer and back to the living room where I was laying. I threw my tired body on the sofa and took a sip of my beer. I kept thinking to myself if he was really going to make it then I brushed off these thoughts and feelings so I took a sip. I can feel my eyes burning but didn't care and I took more sips. The emotional distress he caused me was way beyond what I could ever endure.
I've finished four bottles already that's when I heard some one unlocking the front door.

Jesse walked in to see me sitting lifelessly on the sofa with four empty bottles of beers beside me on the floor and two big bloodshot teary eyes. Our eyes didn't meet, he looked away maybe because he didn't want me to see the guilt in his eyes or for some other unknown reason. I get up take small baby steps and walk to his direction. He glanced at me and looked away again. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could my bones were in great pain though.

"Andrew…" his arms were still to his side he didn't hug me back but it's all right.

"Shhh…" I tried to hug him tighter.

Slowly I felt his hands reach up to my waist. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around my waist. My senses were too busy savoring this moment and everything about this moment. His scent, the way he looked, his awkward movements. I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that but it was a while then he pulled back and walked away from me to gather his belongings. I didn't watch him when he left me on that doomed day. I woke up and didn't find him but now my heart is swelling as I see him making his way to my room. I wondered what would have happened if I was awake and actually saw him leave. A war was taking place in my head I was trying to decide whether I should stay where I am now or go watch him collect his things. Without thinking I found my feet uncontrollably moving to my bedroom. I stood by the door and I locked my eyes on my Jesse. He was aware of my appearance but he made himself look busy and pretended that I wasn't part of this room nor his life either.

"We need to talk" Out of the blue I unexpectedly said.

"There's nothing to talk about" With a cold tone he replied.

"That's it!" I walked up to him and grabbed him from his Ween black T-shirt.

Of course I caught him off guard. I dragged him to the living room and still holding onto his shirt firmly and I pushed him down on the sofa which is where he sat as him mumbled "The fuck?!"

"You're not an ASSHOLE! Why do you have to act like a goddamn one?" My voice was increasingly shaky then went back to normal I couldn't help myself.

"What's wrong with YOU?" He snapped at me getting up from the sofa again.

"I deserve an explanation." I pushed him back trying to be gentle but it was hard enough to make that 'thump' sound the moment his body fell onto the sofa.

"Alright you want an explanation? I'll give you one!" He angrily yelled as I tried to stop my eyes as they were getting ready to water.

"I'm all ears, Jesse" I sniffed.

"We can't do this any…anymore. I'm doing this for both of us"

"WHAT NONE SENSE IS THAT?" I lost my cool not that I have had it before.

"It's been really hard for me to…you know. Don't you ever think that it was easy for me"

"Just stop justifying your sad actions, will you?" I started to cry like a baby in front of him. I didn't want to.

"Andrew…please don't…It's for the best. We can't be together I mean what about our families and everyone else? the press? Our careers!"

"I don't give a rat's arse! I just want to be with you. You were the reason of my happiness and now you're the reason of my misery" Jesse got up and wrapped himself around my body and let me take it all out.

"Shhh…hey don't you cry…" he said soothingly. "I'm sorry" he whispered.

"Bu..t-t…But…we can see each other, can't we?"

"We should give it some time…Who knows maybe someday we could…you know…"

"Be..Be..to- together?" I stuttered due to my crying.

"And I love you too, Andrew." Jesse whispered into my ear. I couldn't let him go no, not yet I kept my embrace around his tiny torso firmly.