Unfixable

Long Story short, Derek lied. About everything. Told he me had a kid that he had to go back to. I understood. I was gonna let him go. I did let him go. But not before I told him everything. I put everything on the line. My feelings, my heart. I told him I loved him. He said it back, after all this time, he finally said it back. It was amazing. I couldn't have been happier. Then I found out the truth after he left. There's no kid, there IS a girlfriend, and he said the same exact shit to Ashley. I go to school with Ashley... We talked about it, Derek's out. He cheated on his girlfriend. Derek and I made out, quite a bit. So did he and Ashley. I was willing to give Derek everything I had.
He was gonna come back and we were gonna be together. We were gonna be happy. But everything was a lie. My days have come down to this --> Another drag, another sip, another bowl, another silent apology to my heart, and repeat. That's it. Smoking, getting high, and drinking my life away... Not proud of it, but it helps. Don't judge me.