Decorated Emergency

I sit in the middle of Spencer’s bed with my knees pulled to my chest. Brendon stays by my side rubbing my back softly as I cry into my legs. I can hear Spencer yelling at Ryan in the hallway outside of the dorm room. Brendon keeps whispering things in my ear to keep me relaxed and calm but I ignore it all. I still haven’t completely forgiven Brendon for what he had said to Jon. I have been avoiding him at all costs.

A hand slams on the dorm door making my body jolt. “Let me see her. I’m fucking married to the girl; I think that pretty much means she’s my responsibility and that I have the right to see her. What, I fuck up once and that means she is taken away from me?” Ryan growls. The door knob jiggles and then there is a loud slam.

“First off you fucking left her stranded at a mall. Second you told her she couldn’t go back to her dorm room. Third, you fucking slept with some random chick. You want to be her husband, and then start by actually treating her well. My god! She has issues, Ryan. Brendon mumbles about it in his sleep. You are not allowed to see her,” Spencer shouts.

My tears fall harder and I cannot keep my body still. I rock back and forth mumbling nonsense to myself. Nothing that comes out of my mouth I can even understand. It's more of just something I am doing to keep myself calm. It must look like I am trying to put a curse on someone or something.

“Noland-Rae, everything will be okay,” Brendon whispers in my ear. I have completely forgotten about of him and the feeling of his hand being on my back had vanished.

I let go of my legs and turn to look at him with my tear soaked eyes. He moves back an inch and stares into my eyes. I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes shut for a second. I take a deep breath through my nose thinking of what Spencer had said to Ryan. She has issues, Ryan. Brendon mumbles about it in his sleep. I open my eyes and look into Brendon’s. “Is it true?” I softly say. I shake my head confused and close my eyes again.

“Is what?” Brendon asks. He places a hand on my arm and another on my cheek.

I open my eyes and look at Brendon once more. “Is what Spencer said about you mumbling about me in your sleep true? Why-why do you?” I rub my burning eyes. I sniffle back a few tears that are begging to fall. I can barely see Brendon in front of me. My vision has become completely blurred but at this moment I really didn’t care.

The blur that is Brendon moves and he sighs. “He hasn’t told me I mumble but I have talked in my sleep my whole life,” he pauses for a second and drops his hand from my cheek. He takes a deep breath and begins again, “I care about you a lot and I just worry that something bad is going to happen. Ryan isn’t that great of a guy. Not because he just cheated on you but in general. He has his own problems and I just, I wanted you for myself and that is selfish but I just worry about you,” Brendon rubs his thumb over my arm.

I have no words to respond with. I move my arm away from him. I rub my eyes again then jump off of Spencer’s bed. I fall onto the floor but push myself up right away. I hear the sound of Brendon get off of the bed but force myself to walk to the door. I open it up and am faced with Ryan. I stare at him with my lips parted. My body lip quivers. He stares down at me. Everything became frozen and silent.

Arms go around my waist and pull me out of the trance I was just in. I place my hands over the arms around my waist. My heart beat quickens. I keep my eyes focused on Ryan. Spencer quickly grabs onto him as he takes a step towards me.

I close my eyes tightly shut to force back the new set of tears ready to fall. I have never been able to handle anything. I dig my nails into the hands around my waist. I know I am hurting Brendon, but my mind won’t comprehend it. My hands drop after a few seconds and I open my eyes. Spencer is holding one of Ryan’s arms and Jon has hold of the other. He doesn’t look like he is going to try to come closer to me. I know him. He is waiting for me to go to him. Part of me actually wants to.

“Brendon let me go,” I mumble. He hesitates for a second but slowly drags his hands over my sides and away from my body. I turn to look at him. The corner of his lips twitch up for a second and he wipes his thumbs under my wet eyes. “You hurt me,” a lump forms in my throat.

“I was being an average guy and a dick. I’m so sorry, Nol,” he places his hand on my cheek. I step back shaking my hand. “I can’t live with you being mad at me,” he steps toward me and I take another step back.

I bump into a body and hear a grunt. I know right away it is Ryan. I bat my lashes and take a step towards Brendon now. I take a deep breath then turn around. I meet Ryan’s eyes. Jon and Spencer are no longer holding onto him. I look from Jon then to Spencer then to the ground. “Spencer I have a feeling you know but I need to tell you and Jon something,” I look to the ground and sigh. “I use to be in a Mental Hospital. Brendon and Ryan try to make things better but to be honest, it never works. I still want to kill myself close to everyday,” I sniffle and look up to Ryan. “I still cut,” I look down at my shirt then lift the bottom up to expose my right side and trails of scars. “I want to go back to the Hospital,” I close my eyes a take a deep breath.

I open my eyes and head out of the room. I go to my dorm and hurry around to pack a bag to bring to the hospital. “Noland-Rae,” I look over to the door to see the four guys. Ryan stepped forward. I look away from him and continue to pack. “Noland please. Please just stay here. We can work everything out. That girl was doing something to my head. I-I couldn’t think for myself,” Ryan comes to stand next to me.

I ignore him and walk past him. I stand in front of the other three. “Forget about me. I’m not worth remembering,” I suck in a breath and push past them and go out into the hall. I ignore them all calling after me and hurry outside. I trip off the sidewalk making my bags go flying and me come crashing to my knees.

Multiple hands land on me and help me up. Before I can even react Ryan has hold of my face. He is squishing my cheeks together and standing incredibly close to me. “Why are you doing this?” he asks me.

I stare at his lips and lick my own. “I am going back because I belong there. I never wanted to come out. If I stay here, I will just kill myself and no one will stop me. I am going back home,” I rub my lips together.

I watch Ryan’s Adam’s apple move as he swallows. He drops his hands from my face. He steps away from me and picks up my bags. “I’ll visit you every day. I don’t want t be the reason you are going there. We need to talk about this,” he holds out my bags toward me.

I talk them and look back to see Jon. I look back to Ryan and swallow hard. “I don’t want you to visit me. I want you and everyone else out of my life. You can visit me once, and it better be with divorce papers,” I keep my voice low and soft. I look back at Jon. “Would you mind taking me to the hospital?”

Ryan grabs onto my arm. I pull away and step closer to Jon. “Yeah, come on” he takes his keys out of his pocket without a second thought.

I feel awful right now but I know what I am doing. I need this. I should stay and hear Ryan explain but I can’t deal with it right now. I give up. If I stay I will hurt him, Brendon and everyone else.

* * * *

“Thanks. This meant a lot Jon,” I open the door to let myself out of his car.

“You don’t need to be here. You can come live at my house if you want to be away from everything,” he relaxes back in the driver seat.

“No, I really need to be here. Just trust me,” I step out of the car but he grabs onto my arm.

“I’ll visit. No argument. Stay safe,” Jon releases my arm with a friendly smile.
I roll my eyes playfully and head to the entrance. The second I enter I hear a loud groan. I look to my side to see Marian staring at me. I smile to myself and walk to the front desk. “Hi Annie, I’m home,” I drop my bags and lean against the counter.