Morning Star
את ליבם של גברים
We always had time for the scrolls. Not a lot had been written in them yet, but you always told me that whenever we both are mentioned, we will be in it together. We will make history, we will live forever, you told me, your fingers brushing past the feathers of my wings. They bristled under your touch, and if it were any other day and any other word, I would have been compliant; I would have taken your promise for law.
But we will already live forever, I replied, almost amused. You were so silly, sometimes, your head up higher than the clouds we figuratively resided on, in a galaxy not even I could reach. Sometimes I wish the Father would bring you back down before you went ahead and left me behind. You had all your ideas, and all your knowledge, things our kind were not supposed to have. We were not created to think, we were not created to feel, my love, but I suppose you forgot that. He made you greater than the rest of us, after all.
Yes, here, we shall, you said, suddenly solemn, and I longed to bring forth the smile on your face to replace the frown. But do you not want to live in the hearts of men?
Men? I asked. They did not exist yet, and I did not know they would. What are men? Why do you wish to matter to them?
Did He tell you these things on purpose, to make you become this way? Did He tell you that you will be replaced? Did He know just how far your envy will bring you?
You already noticed your error, and put a soothing palm over my cheek to worry out the creases. Fret not, cherubim, it is but a fleeting fancy. My head has taken captive of me again, would you mind being my rescue?
I did not tell you, then, that I already knew something wrong was in the works. If only I knew more, if only someone had told me. I would have stopped you. I would have taken that blasted wisdom from you and made you as oblivious as us, so you would not have to go and try to be better than you already are. You were already the best, could you not see that? Maybe it would have ruined His plan, and maybe he would have used someone else to do his covert bidding, but anyone but you. I wanted to keep you, I still do. I wanted you to never go.
But you did. You were always meant to. I just wish I knew.
I did not tell you any of these. You already had enough to trouble you, leading us and trying to be the example we could all follow. I’ll save you, I said, with my best smile that could never compete with yours. I’ll save you from yourself, I should have said, because that was all I wanted to do.
But we will already live forever, I replied, almost amused. You were so silly, sometimes, your head up higher than the clouds we figuratively resided on, in a galaxy not even I could reach. Sometimes I wish the Father would bring you back down before you went ahead and left me behind. You had all your ideas, and all your knowledge, things our kind were not supposed to have. We were not created to think, we were not created to feel, my love, but I suppose you forgot that. He made you greater than the rest of us, after all.
Yes, here, we shall, you said, suddenly solemn, and I longed to bring forth the smile on your face to replace the frown. But do you not want to live in the hearts of men?
Men? I asked. They did not exist yet, and I did not know they would. What are men? Why do you wish to matter to them?
Did He tell you these things on purpose, to make you become this way? Did He tell you that you will be replaced? Did He know just how far your envy will bring you?
You already noticed your error, and put a soothing palm over my cheek to worry out the creases. Fret not, cherubim, it is but a fleeting fancy. My head has taken captive of me again, would you mind being my rescue?
I did not tell you, then, that I already knew something wrong was in the works. If only I knew more, if only someone had told me. I would have stopped you. I would have taken that blasted wisdom from you and made you as oblivious as us, so you would not have to go and try to be better than you already are. You were already the best, could you not see that? Maybe it would have ruined His plan, and maybe he would have used someone else to do his covert bidding, but anyone but you. I wanted to keep you, I still do. I wanted you to never go.
But you did. You were always meant to. I just wish I knew.
I did not tell you any of these. You already had enough to trouble you, leading us and trying to be the example we could all follow. I’ll save you, I said, with my best smile that could never compete with yours. I’ll save you from yourself, I should have said, because that was all I wanted to do.