Terribly Fixated on You

Lesson number 4; Getting drunk leads to complications.

It all happened so fast. The drinks, the laughs, the kissing. One minute I was completely alone in a forest with Tyler and then the next Mason was holding my hand and flirting with me. I think he may have even kissed me once, just a peck, but I was too drunk at the moment to remember.

I could feel this weird emptiness in the pit of my stomach as I stumbled away from Mason and nearly fell over. He caught my fall and laughed at me before helping me sit down on one of the logs. We had all gotten drunk and then carried on with our own conversations separately. Matt invited a few more people which consisted of Jen - the girl he has been on and off with since Lily won't catch on to his feelings for her, Bailey - the guy who stole my package of gum in third grade, and then River - the guy who will flirt with any girl he lays his eyes on, which just so happened to be Janet at the moment.

"We should go out sometime, you know, when you aren't wasted," Mason said taking a sip of his drink. I swear the guy was made of brick, he just did not get drunk. I guess it's true that most girls usually got drunk a lot quicker than guys but still, it was kind of annoying.

"Yeah maybe," I yawned as I took a hair tie from around my wrist and tied my hair up into a bun. I knew it looked a bit messy but I didn't really care. All I cared about was the promise I had made to myself and the fact that I had every intention on keeping it. I was never getting this drunk ever again. Deep down I knew that somewhere down the road I probably would end up getting this wasted again, but right now I couldn't see it happening.

"Ouch," I looked over at him with an apologetic look. Sensing my feeling guilty he smiled and sang, "shot through the heart and you're to blame". I laughed at him for singing Bon Jovi and he smiled at me.

"You give love a bad name!" I sang so loudly that everyone turned around to look at me. Mason stood up and then pulled me to my feet. If there was ever a song that two people would sing while drunk, I never pictured this to be it.

"An angel's smile is what you sell." He spun me around as everyone stood up and starting clapping to our made up beat of what we thought the song sounded like. We knew of course, we were just too drunk to know at the present time.

"You promise me heaven and put me through hell." I was laughing so hard now and I was stumbling everywhere that I could hardly breathe properly. Mason motioned for me to get on his shoulders and so I did. I was wobbly but he made sure that I wouldn't fall.

"Chains of love got a hold on me. When passions a prison you can't break free." Someone started to play the song from their car a little after where we left off, taking us back to the chorus. I swayed along with the music and then suddenly everyone was singing.

"SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME. YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!" We all started clapping and Mason put me down. That was the most fun I have had in ages. There was nothing better than hanging out with a few friends and singing along to the lyrics of Bon Jovi. We let the rest of the song play through and then the guys put in a different CD that consisted of music I hadn't heard before, but really wanted to add to my ipod.

I looked around and spotted Tyler talking with Lily. She was saying something to him and he was laughing. I turned away from them and sat down again. Maybe she wasn't going to ask him to go out with her sometime. God, I was hoping she wouldn't.

"It must suck," Mason said sitting down beside me, "being in the friend zone." I looked at him with wide eyes. The whole time I was at Janet's house talking about how Lily liked Tyler I was denying the truth not just from her but from myself as well. Tyler was my soul mate, he was the boy I could always count on, he was the boy I've been in love with since I was nine years old and he kissed me.

"What do you mean?" I said pretending like I didn't know who he was referring to. One second ago he was asking me out and now he was telling me that 'it must suck being in the friend zone".

"I see the way you look at Tyler. As if he's the only star in the sky. Cheesy metaphor I know, but it's the way you look at him. And it's kind of crazy to think about because he looks at you the exact same way but still agreed to be Lily's boyfriend tonight. I'm going to be honest, I've been crushing hard core on you for a while now and thought I'd give it a shot just in case." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could he just agree to something like that? A commitment that big when he hardly knows her.

"When tonight did that happen?" I said with enough force in my voice to prove to him I did care, but not enough to prove to him that he was right about my feelings. The only thing that was running through my mind at the moment was if this happened before we kissed or after.

"A few minutes after Seven Minutes In Heaven, around the time that Matt called up Jen, Bailey, and River." I decided that I didn't want to be there anymore and so I stood up, said bye to Mason and then walked off into the woods trying to find a way that would lead me to a road I could follow back to my house.

I knew that Lily was going to ask him to go out on a date with her but I didn't think she was going to ask him to be her boyfriend. I hated this. I hated it even more because I was starting to really dislike Lily at the moment and I in no way wanted that or liked it.

Why would Tyler kiss me the way he did if it didn't mean anything to him? Why would he fill my stomach with butterflies and touch me so gently as if I might break if he applied any more pressure if he didn't care? He's my best friend, how could he just create this world for me that I never planned until now and then take it away in the same night?

"Reese!" I heard my name being shouted repeatedly but kept walking. I didn't know where I was going and it was pitch black out but I didn't care. I wanted to get as far away from that voice calling me as I could. I wasn't someone who was very good with direction and so when I bumped into Tyler a few minutes later I wasn't surprised but I was still angry.

"Hey," I whispered softly so that he couldn't hear my voice crack. "Why are you here? Where's Lily?" I crossed my arms and looked into his eyes waiting for him so speak. He looked scared and lost but he knew that my questions were really me asking if the rumour was true.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship. You don't understand, I love what we have. I love the way we talk and the way we get dressed in front of each other because we're that comfortable around one another. I love our inside jokes and our deep conversations. I love how we never have to hide anything from each other. And even though, I love you. Even though, I'm in love with you, we can't be together. We can't be together because I love our friendship. I always have." I just stared at him completely touched but completely angry with him.

"What was that whole thing in the forest then?" My voice cracked and I knew that I was seconds away from crying. I was even angrier at the fact that this boy could make me cry so much. He always was the only person who I ever let get close enough to my heart. I was in love with him too.

"That was real. Reese, it was all real. You had been denying your feelings towards me for so long and the moment was just so right. I needed you and you needed me. It's how it's always been." He stepped closer to me and I pushed him back. I was sobering up and regaining control of myself.

"That wasn't fair to me, Ty. I was fine being in denial, I was okay with it. And then you just came along and made me realize that you're everything I want and need and it's just, it's not fair." I was crying so hard now that I sat down against a tree and curled up into a ball. "I was okay not realizing that I was in love with you."

"Kiss me," I looked up at him and he wiped the tears from my eyes. "Kiss me, love me, just for tonight. Before we go back to our regular normal lives. Before we go back to being the two best friends that don't have feelings for each other. Kiss me now or I swear I'll kiss you." He was seriously crazy. Everything he was saying. He was so intense and I could feel everything he was feeling. We were connected in so many ways.

"Tyler, I can't-" I was cut off as he crashed his lips against mine. It was so raw and intense and I needed him. I needed all of him. It seemed so unreal. I pulled his shirt over his head and continued kissing him. It seemed so stupid. Why were we doing this when we were just going to go back to the way things were before afterwords?

"I love you," He whispered before trailing kisses down my neck. I pulled off my shirt so that I was just wearing my jeans and bra. I pulled him on top of me and connected my lips with his again.

"For now," I said once I pushed him away for a breather. I was feeling him everywhere and he was feeling me everywhere. Every touch, so intense because we knew this would be the only and last time something like this happened between us. He made sense though. I loved our friendship too. We continued taking pieces of clothing off until we were both naked and had made sure he brought protection.

"Forever," He whispered it into my ear this time and before I knew it he was taking me places I had never been before. He was taking me places he had never been before.