Terribly Fixated on You
03
I could hear my Mom and Greg at the door talking with Hilary and Tyler. I don't know what had gotten over me but as soon as they arrived, I did not want to be here anymore. I ran up to my room and just sat there on the floor. I don't even know why, I just did. I knew that my Mom would call me down to say hi in a second but I just continued to sit.
"Just go on up, she's probably in her room. It's the second door on the right." I heard my mom shouting to Tyler who was probably half way up the stars already. Well, I figured it was Tyler anyways. I didn't move or get up to greet him when he walked in my room, I just sat there staring up at him.
My goodness, the changes in that boy. His hair was always a dirty blonde when we were younger but here he stood in front of me now with his hair a beautiful chestnut colour. His eyes were still that soft shade of green-blue and his body. Man, the body on him. If I were to go back and picture him when he was younger again I would have never imagined him looking this good.
"So, long time no see." He laughed nervously, shuffling his feet. I could tell that I was making him awkward by sitting there checking him out, so I finally stood up. I didn't know whether to hug him or not so I sort of just reached my hand over to shake his. He smirked and shook my hand.
"Yeah, um, how are you?" I said crossing my arms. I seemed way too nervous to be talking to him right now. Maybe I was just scared that he would see how much I've changed and how much of that little girl I used to be was left behind. It seemed a little silly, seeing as he had definitely changed a lot.
"I'm good," He said crossing his arms as well. I couldn't think of a situation for me that had been more awkward than this this one. Well, besides at my dad's funeral when everybody was paying their respects to my Mom and I, and the whole time I was standing there thinking 'why won't these people just go away'. The people never left and I had to stand there making awkward conversation.
"That's good," I said nodding my head. We just stood there drowning in awkward silence and I didn't know what to do. Our friendship had been so long ago that we have missed so much of each other's lives. Sure we became blood brothers in the first grade but once someone has been out of your life for so long, it's hard to just pick up where you left off.
"And, uh, you?" I felt like I was suffocating. Where did the easy-going, easy-to-talk-to boy I used to know go? His Mom wasn't difficult to talk to and I'm sure his Dad wasn't either, but for some reason he seemed to be.
"I'm good," I'm so awkward. "I'm good," Help me? He just nodded and then we stood there in silence just shifting awkwardly until we were called down to eat. I think we were both extremely happy that we didn't have to stand alone in my room for another second looking at each other and then looking away when we noticed we were staring.
I just sat there twirling the spaghetti on my fork unable to eat while my mother talked on and on with Hilary and then taking a second to ask Tyler how he was doing and what not. I caught Tyler looking at me a few times but I couldn't call him on it because he has caught me looking at him too. It was just so weird having him here at my house after all these years. He could have continued emailing me instead of deciding that age twelve was a legitimate age to be sick of me. Maybe if he had answered my last email we wouldn't be in this situation right now.
Obviously, I couldn't blame him for any of this though. We both stopped talking to each other and it wasn't like we knew we were going to be back in the same city as neighbours again. It makes a lot of sense that we stopped talking when you really think about it.
I got up from the table and put my bowl on the counter. "I'm going out, want to come?" I asked looking at Tyler. So maybe we'll be awkward whenever we're around each other but still, I thought it would be rude to just leave him at the table like that. My Mom and Hilary just waved us away and soon Tyler and I were walking side by side on the sidewalk outside my house.
"So where are we headed?" He asked while looking around. I shrugged and just continued walking because I hadn't thought that far ahead. I just wanted to go out. I didn't know what to say to him so I didn't say anything at all. There were so many things I wanted to say to him before he walked into my room but then he was standing there looking all different and I thought that it'd be better to just not speak. "Hey, does Mason still live around here?"
"Yeah, I think so." I said hesitantly. "Why?" I guess he didn't really owe me an explanation but I mean at least it was the starting of a conversation. He didn't say anything to me for a while and so I just walked along waiting for him to open his mouth and speak.
"I heard he was a big partier now. At least that's what his emails have been telling me. I thought I'd stop by his house." I suddenly felt very small. I felt like I had fallen face first into a mud pile on a rainy day. It kind of hurt that he had been keeping in touch with Mason and not me. Mason of all people.
Mason was the guy who all of the first graders were scared of. I don't know why looking back on it but that's just the way it was. The last I heard of Tyler and Mason talking was in second grade when Mason and Tyler had this huge fight, leaving Tyler with a broken arm. As I remember it, I helped Tyler with that whole situation.
I sat there with him while he held back his tears and just sat on the pavement holding his arm. I knew he wanted to cry, but he never did. I never saw a tear leave his eye. He was so strong when he was little, he always knew he was too. I wonder if he's still the same way now. He probably was.
"Oh okay, well I was turning here anyways so I guess I'll see you later?" I didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but it did. I hated that it sounded like a question. Like I needed his approval to see him around. I'd be seeing him around whether he liked it or not because he was now my neighbour. I don't even know where this sudden burst of anger came from but I just started walking the way I said I would without waiting for a response.
There was no 'wait up' or 'yeah sure, we need to catch up'. There was just silence as I listened to our footsteps getting farther and farther away from each other. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, all I know is that it was a lot different than what I got. I guess it was wrong of me to think that we could just pick up where we left off. It doesn't matter though because I have bigger problems. Well, I don't have many issues to deal with right at this second, but trust me they will pop up.
I didn't bother thinking about anything else, I just called Janet as soon as I got home and asked her to meet me at my house before school tomorrow. We always did that once in a while, especially when I knew that I was going to be tired the next day and wanted to spend that ten extra minutes driving to her house for sleep. I changed into my pajamas after calling her and then went to bed. I was way too exhausted and sleep was just what I needed.
"Just go on up, she's probably in her room. It's the second door on the right." I heard my mom shouting to Tyler who was probably half way up the stars already. Well, I figured it was Tyler anyways. I didn't move or get up to greet him when he walked in my room, I just sat there staring up at him.
My goodness, the changes in that boy. His hair was always a dirty blonde when we were younger but here he stood in front of me now with his hair a beautiful chestnut colour. His eyes were still that soft shade of green-blue and his body. Man, the body on him. If I were to go back and picture him when he was younger again I would have never imagined him looking this good.
"So, long time no see." He laughed nervously, shuffling his feet. I could tell that I was making him awkward by sitting there checking him out, so I finally stood up. I didn't know whether to hug him or not so I sort of just reached my hand over to shake his. He smirked and shook my hand.
"Yeah, um, how are you?" I said crossing my arms. I seemed way too nervous to be talking to him right now. Maybe I was just scared that he would see how much I've changed and how much of that little girl I used to be was left behind. It seemed a little silly, seeing as he had definitely changed a lot.
"I'm good," He said crossing his arms as well. I couldn't think of a situation for me that had been more awkward than this this one. Well, besides at my dad's funeral when everybody was paying their respects to my Mom and I, and the whole time I was standing there thinking 'why won't these people just go away'. The people never left and I had to stand there making awkward conversation.
"That's good," I said nodding my head. We just stood there drowning in awkward silence and I didn't know what to do. Our friendship had been so long ago that we have missed so much of each other's lives. Sure we became blood brothers in the first grade but once someone has been out of your life for so long, it's hard to just pick up where you left off.
"And, uh, you?" I felt like I was suffocating. Where did the easy-going, easy-to-talk-to boy I used to know go? His Mom wasn't difficult to talk to and I'm sure his Dad wasn't either, but for some reason he seemed to be.
"I'm good," I'm so awkward. "I'm good," Help me? He just nodded and then we stood there in silence just shifting awkwardly until we were called down to eat. I think we were both extremely happy that we didn't have to stand alone in my room for another second looking at each other and then looking away when we noticed we were staring.
I just sat there twirling the spaghetti on my fork unable to eat while my mother talked on and on with Hilary and then taking a second to ask Tyler how he was doing and what not. I caught Tyler looking at me a few times but I couldn't call him on it because he has caught me looking at him too. It was just so weird having him here at my house after all these years. He could have continued emailing me instead of deciding that age twelve was a legitimate age to be sick of me. Maybe if he had answered my last email we wouldn't be in this situation right now.
Obviously, I couldn't blame him for any of this though. We both stopped talking to each other and it wasn't like we knew we were going to be back in the same city as neighbours again. It makes a lot of sense that we stopped talking when you really think about it.
I got up from the table and put my bowl on the counter. "I'm going out, want to come?" I asked looking at Tyler. So maybe we'll be awkward whenever we're around each other but still, I thought it would be rude to just leave him at the table like that. My Mom and Hilary just waved us away and soon Tyler and I were walking side by side on the sidewalk outside my house.
"So where are we headed?" He asked while looking around. I shrugged and just continued walking because I hadn't thought that far ahead. I just wanted to go out. I didn't know what to say to him so I didn't say anything at all. There were so many things I wanted to say to him before he walked into my room but then he was standing there looking all different and I thought that it'd be better to just not speak. "Hey, does Mason still live around here?"
"Yeah, I think so." I said hesitantly. "Why?" I guess he didn't really owe me an explanation but I mean at least it was the starting of a conversation. He didn't say anything to me for a while and so I just walked along waiting for him to open his mouth and speak.
"I heard he was a big partier now. At least that's what his emails have been telling me. I thought I'd stop by his house." I suddenly felt very small. I felt like I had fallen face first into a mud pile on a rainy day. It kind of hurt that he had been keeping in touch with Mason and not me. Mason of all people.
Mason was the guy who all of the first graders were scared of. I don't know why looking back on it but that's just the way it was. The last I heard of Tyler and Mason talking was in second grade when Mason and Tyler had this huge fight, leaving Tyler with a broken arm. As I remember it, I helped Tyler with that whole situation.
I sat there with him while he held back his tears and just sat on the pavement holding his arm. I knew he wanted to cry, but he never did. I never saw a tear leave his eye. He was so strong when he was little, he always knew he was too. I wonder if he's still the same way now. He probably was.
"Oh okay, well I was turning here anyways so I guess I'll see you later?" I didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but it did. I hated that it sounded like a question. Like I needed his approval to see him around. I'd be seeing him around whether he liked it or not because he was now my neighbour. I don't even know where this sudden burst of anger came from but I just started walking the way I said I would without waiting for a response.
There was no 'wait up' or 'yeah sure, we need to catch up'. There was just silence as I listened to our footsteps getting farther and farther away from each other. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, all I know is that it was a lot different than what I got. I guess it was wrong of me to think that we could just pick up where we left off. It doesn't matter though because I have bigger problems. Well, I don't have many issues to deal with right at this second, but trust me they will pop up.
I didn't bother thinking about anything else, I just called Janet as soon as I got home and asked her to meet me at my house before school tomorrow. We always did that once in a while, especially when I knew that I was going to be tired the next day and wanted to spend that ten extra minutes driving to her house for sleep. I changed into my pajamas after calling her and then went to bed. I was way too exhausted and sleep was just what I needed.
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