Terribly Fixated on You

We had all finished eating our food and sat there for a little while staring at the garbage in front of us on the table. Even I couldn't believe that we had eaten that much. We pulled into McDonald's over an hour ago and we're suddenly extremely hungry. I think that it was just the smell of the place that had us wanting to eat everything on the menu.

"I'm going to the bathroom before we get going." Caroline said and as soon as she walked away Lily and Janet decided that they all of a sudden needed to pee and left too. I was now just sitting there in silence with Tyler waiting for them to come back. We hadn't talked much since that night he came to my backyard but we both wanted to. I could tell. I wish I knew what to say to him though. I may have invited him to the party but I didn't think we'd ever be left alone to make up our own conversation.

"You don't look like a party girl," He said leaning over closer to me on the other side of the table. I didn't know if he thought that was a good thing or not. I mean, the other day he seemed to be so hyped on seeing Mason because he was 'such a partier' nowadays. I did party, not everyday, but every now and again.

"I'm not really. I mean sometimes yes, but not always." I shrugged and started drumming my fingers on the table starting with my pinkie finger and working my way up to my index finger. I might have just been seeing things but as I did it, I swear I saw him smile. It only lasted a millisecond, but still it was a smile.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you bringing in all three of those?" Caroline said pointing to the three bottles of alcohol I had placed in the bag in my car. I looked down at them like I was debating on whether or not I should just bring them all. She was leaning in through the window with her elbows on the ledge.

"No. I'm just going to bring the one." I said taking the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car. Tyler smirked and then got out of the car too. I locked the doors and went around the car so that I could walk with Tyler.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to stick with me the whole time." Tyler said as we rounded the corner of the house and started heading towards the door. I didn't think we were going to be sticking together anyways but I didn't say that out loud. I just figured that I would introduce him to one or two people and then look around for other people I might know.

"No worries," I said smiling over at him, "you'll be left alone, without awkward me around making things weird." I didn't mean it in any rude offended way at all but for some reason he made a face like that was exactly how I had meant it.

"I didn't mean it like that," I could hear the guilt in his voice and I didn't like it. I didn't want him to feel like just because we knew each other a long time ago meant we had to be exactly the same right away or even at all for that matter. I saw my friend Matt once we were almost at the door and waved him over.

"I know, Ty. I didn't mean it like that." I said smiling. "Tyler this is Matt, Matt this is Tyler. You better show him a good time, he's just moved back." Matt reached his hand out and shook Tyler's and I stood there for a minute at the door and looked around.

"No need to worry about that. This party is about to get really fucking awesome." Matt said as his dirty blonde hair went over his eyes and he flipped it away. Matt was always the life of the party, though I hadn't seen him at a few of the most recent ones I had attended. I never asked him about it though because if he wanted me to know he would just tell me. We were pretty good friends, but we weren't tell-each-other-everything-about-us kind of friends.

"Hey, um, is-" I started to say but he cut me off.

"Yeah he is, but Reese you now how he gets." Matt said in his worried voice. "Josh has been through a lot, y'know? Tonight's just not a good night." Did I always have to take care of the damn kid at every single party?

"Yeah, yeah," I said smiling at him and waving his implied suggestion to leave Josh alone away. "Thank you though," I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek and waved bye to Tyler before entering the house and setting out to find Josh. The music was thundering through the house so loud that I could literally feel the rumbling on my feet. I opened the bottle of alcohol I had brought with me and took a sip of it. I felt it burning my throat as it went down leaving a crappy taste behind.

It took me a while, but I eventually found Josh sitting on the porch outside in the backyard watching some lame fight happening on the lawn. I sat down beside him and handed him a beer that I had collected for him from the fridge. I knew that he was probably half way to being wasted out of his mind right now but he took a sip anyways and half smiled at me.

Josh was my first high school boyfriend. He was the longest relationship I had ever had and I thought I loved him. The thing with Josh though is that he has the tendency to not be there when you need him. He's dishonest with you when you're in a relationship but he's always honest with you when you aren't. He just can't do commitment, but he tried for me.

He cheated on me with a girl named Chelsea and she ended up getting pregnant. When I first found out that his sudden lack of interest in me was because he was seeing someone else as well I was fuming with anger. She had her baby on a late Sunday afternoon on the eighth of April, nine months later. Josh was definitely not ready to be a father but he did what he could because he had to and soon because he wanted to. He loved his beautiful baby girl Angie. Chelsea split last year when Angie got sick and left her with Josh alone. I was at his house almost everyday helping him take care of her, doing whatever I could. Her heart wasn't cooperating with us though, it didn't want to beat anymore.

When Angie died this summer that just passed it was the end of the world for Josh. His most precious, and loved treasure was gone, taken away from him. I had been with Angie and him everyday for months before she passed. It had crushed me too. She was so little and her tiny baby hands could barely even cover the palms of mine. It was so hard for me to watch Josh go through what he did. He lost his whole world in the blink of an eye. He hadn't gone back to school yet; he just came to parties and drank until he was numb. It hurt losing my dad, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose your two year old daughter.

"Are you going to go back to school next year to make up for this one?" I whispered to him so quietly so that he would know that I wasn't asking him to push him but just to know if he was doing well enough now to go back. he just shook his head and then chugged the rest of the beer I had handed him.

I drank more of my drink until it was halfway gone and I could feel it kicking in. I hated being a lightweight, but it came with its perks. A large bottle of alcohol could get me completely smashed. I put my arm around him and pulled him close to me. He wrapped his arm around me and I kissed the top of his head and comforted him.

"Maybe we should get you home." I said quietly. This was probably the most depressing party I had ever been to. It was only depressing for me though because I was with Josh. I didn't mind being with Josh though. I missed Angie and I knew that as her father, he missed her a million times more.

"I'm okay, really. You go have fun. I'm crashing here anyways," He said sitting up. I looked over at him to make sure that he wasn't lying to me. I could tell that he wasn't okay, but I knew that he wanted to be alone. It seemed pretty stupid to come to a party when you wanted to be alone but he was Matt's best friend and this was Matt's house.

"Find me if you need anything," I said punching him lightly in the arm before getting up. I walked away from him and back inside the house to find more people. I could see Caroline in the corner flirting with some guy I didn't know and Lily was more than likely in the kitchen grabbing another drink. Janet told me she was meeting some guy here and so I had no idea where she was but she was the designated driver so she better be sober.

I saw a bunch of people I knew but I went looking for Tyler anyways. I chugged the rest of the bottle that was in my hands and could already feel myself losing balance as I walked. I stopped to talk to a few people who had me laughing so hard at god only knows what and then continued walking around.

I spotted Matt by the stair case with a girl who I think goes by the name of Denise. I didn't want to interrupt him so I didn't bother asking him where Tyler had gone to. I walked into the living room where guys sat playing x-box while they were drunk. Even when they're drunk you can't get them to leave the damn system alone.

"Reese!" I heard someone shout in my direction. "Reese, come over here a sec." I looked over to my right and saw Lily standing there talking to a guy with a pink and black Mohawk. I swear the spikes on that thing almost touched the ceiling. It actually looked sort of cool though. I stumbled over to her and stood there smiling and waiting for her to talk.

"Hmm?" I said looking at her tiredly. She laughed and then told Mohawk boy that she would meet him out back in a minute. He was kind of cute, Mohawk boy. He had baby blue eyes and a white toothy smile that could put a dentists set of teeth to shame. He was weird, yes, but he was fascinating. Although, that was probably just the state I was in making everything seem so much funnier and nice than it was.

"Tyler was looking for you. I think he left." She said pointing to the direction of the door. I didn't care at first but then it suddenly occurred to me that maybe he had gone off to talk to Mason. The guy who apparently throws awesome parties and is worthy of letter writing. Again, maybe it was just the state I was in, but I was going to go find Tyler.