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Pregnant at 16. I Don't Think This Was in The Bible
Forgivness and Crazyness
He came closer. It felt like he was saying my name a million times a second, “Summer.” Just barley above a whisper. I felt like fainting. My heart beat faster as he came to me. My mouth hung open, still dry.
“Liam, what are you doing here?” Hayden asked in a calm voice. He would speak for me while I was still catching on.
Liam came closer and put his hands in mine. He pushed Hayden with his hip and sat next to me.
“Summerlynn, sweetie. I want to be with you. I want to raise our kid together. I want to be a perfect father. I want to be there for you when you go in labor. Baby I love you.” Liam told me. I was still stuck for words. It seemed like it took an hour for me to respond.
“Liam, you left me. I don’t think you can be the perfect father. I don’t want you to be there for me. I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you.” I didn’t mean for it to sound harsh, but it just came out that way. I didn’t mean for him to cry, but he did.
I almost cried along with him, “Can I at lease be apart of our child’s life? I love you for Christ sake!”
I shook my head and looked towards Hayden. He was looking down at his hands.
“Liam. Get it through your head. I don’t love you. It was just one nights mistake. Your still part of my life, your still my best friend.” I told Liam and stood up, “You’ll always be apart of our child’s life. Your just not a big part of mine.”
I walked over to Hayden, bent down and whispered in his ear, “Don’t give up on me.” I smiled and gave him a big hug.
He hugged me back, it seemed like forever till he let go.
I looked at the two boys sitting on the bench. They stared at each other. They looked like they were ready to blow. I smiled at them and turned. I seem to be running away from all my problems lately. It seems like I don’t want to deal with it. But I have to choose sooner or later. It was my turn to choose. And I chose later.
And like I always did. I ran.
*~*~*~*~*
I ended up in front of my fathers church. I looked up at it.
Should I go in? Should I just stay out here till he figures I’m out here?
I looked at my clock on my phone, 4:00 PM. Just the right time. At four o’clock was always forgiveness time.
I opened the big doors and walked in. It was quiet, except for faint whispers of prayers. I walked up to the stage, took a left. I opened the small door that read ‘pastor’. The new secretary was at their desk. It was a male.
I smiled at the elderly man, “Hi I’m Summerlynn Herman. I’m here to see pastor Herman.”
He smiled back at me, “Are you David’s daughter? You look nothing like him, you look more like your mother.” He moved his hand to press the button to buzz my dad.
I lightly put my hand in his. “Don’t tell him I’m here,” I gave the elderly man a huge smile, “I want to surprise my father.”
“Very well then.” He looked down at his papers, letting me pass to go into the snowy effected glass doors.
I slipped in. I heard him talking on the phone.
“Micheal, I told you to finish your papers then you may come in here!” My father was facing the windows, looking out of the building and into the sky.
I sat down, “Forgive me dear father. I have sinned.”
My dad swirled around in his chair. His eyes became wide when he saw me. I smiled. My dad and I always started our nightly prayers that way.
“What do you want now Summerlynn? God will never forgive you for what you have done.” He shook his head, disappointed.
I ignored him and went on, “These are the sins I’ve committed in the past days. I got pregnant with a nice innocent boy across the street. It was an honest mistake. I drunk. I cussed. I disrespected. I lied. I was rude. I’m confused.” I looked down at my shoes. I was confused about my feelings for Hayden. I didn’t know whether I liked him, or loved him, or hated him, or if we were just friends. I couldn’t tell. Its like my brain stopped and I don’t know my feelings towards anyone.
“Its your turn to confess your sins, daddy.” I smiled at him, he looked back at me with a disgusted face. I guess he decided to play along.
“I got angry, overly angry, when my daughter told me she was pregnant. I cheated on my wife. I kicked her out my home. I kicked my daughter out my home. I fired Nancy. I’m divorcing my wife, when I still love her.” He looked down at his shoes too.
I stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes.
“I help you and you help me?” I asked. He shook his head and gave me a big hug.
“I’m so sorry Summerlynn. Please, please forgive me.” He cried in my stomach.
I rubbed his graying hair. “Of course I forgive you, you’re my dad.” I looked past him. Out the window.
He looked up and rubbed his red eyes. He pointed to the chair in the corner. Made just for me. I always used to come here after school and stay with my dad and talk till it was time to go home. This felt just like old times.
“Now, Summer, my dear, tell daddy what you need help with.” He said looking at me, forgetting all about his work on his desk.
“Well,” I hesitated, I know my dad didn’t like drama. But I had no choice. If I wanted him to help me, what else was I supposed to do? Autumn would just laugh in my face and tell me she was right. “Liam’s back for starters. I don’t know what to do. He’s gone crazy, he said he loves me. I don’t love him. I think I’m in love with someone else…” I said the last part quietly.
He cried silently, “My daughter is pregnant and in love at 16. What crazy world is this?” He chuckled, I knew it wasn’t meant to be in a rude way. But I felt a tug at my heart at the way he laughed. “Honey, I know exactly what you should do. Tell Liam you don’t love him, show him, whatever it takes. You don’t want to fall in love with the wrong person, take it from me. Then tell this boy that you think your falling in love with your exact feelings.”
It sounded like the worse advice but, it helped. It helped a lot. I smiled, “Thanks daddy. Your turn. What do you need help with?”
He put his hands to his face and dragged them down.
“I need to tell Nancy its over. I need to tell your mother I love her.” It sounded like a rhyme. But I knew exactly what he should do.
“Tell Nancy its over, show her its over. Go to where mom’s staying. Tell her in the most cheesiest way that you love her, tell her that you want to be with her, tell her with all your heart that you forgive her. Get on your knee and ask her out.”
“Ask her out?” He asked, flabbergasted. I shook my head, “I suppose. Can you help me with what I should say to her?”
I shook my head, back and forth, “It has to be from the heart.” I pointed to my heart.
Sometimes I should really follow my own advice.
*~*~*~*~*
I walked home after I helped my dad how to follow his heart. It was hot, and I walked about two miles. I guess it was good to walk while your pregnant. I heard about it but never decided to walk. I guess I’m just that lazy. But I was hungry, really hungry. Sometimes I hate being pregnant.
I was so close to being home. In the facility. I walked a little quicker.
“Summer.” I heard someone say my name. I turned, Liam was so close to me I almost hit heads with him. He caught me by both arms, “Listen Summerlynn Joy and listen good. I don’t want to hurt you, but if I have to I will. My parents will disown me if I don’t do the right thing. Disownment means I cant go to Yale. If I don’t go to Yale, God forbid what might happen after that. So here’s the deal. I love you, you love me. Were going to be the best sophomore parents in history. Then when its time to go to college I ditch you and the baby, then you can have your happily whatever.”
I looked at Liam with disbelief, “Are you fucking nuts?” I yelled to his face.
His grip got tighter on my arms, I winced. “No, I’m a fucking genius. And your going to do as I say. You don’t know what I’m capable of, Summerlynn Joy Herman.” He let go of me with a push. He looked at me, disgusted. “Next time I see you, I don’t want you to look like a pregnant hobo. Clean your self up, learn how to take care of yourself.” With that Liam turned and left.
I swear that boy is on crack or something. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he was capable of. He was a spoiled rich kid. He was determined to get whatever he wanted. He didn’t care how he got it either.
When I was safe inside, safe from Liam. I text Hayden.
Help me…
“Liam, what are you doing here?” Hayden asked in a calm voice. He would speak for me while I was still catching on.
Liam came closer and put his hands in mine. He pushed Hayden with his hip and sat next to me.
“Summerlynn, sweetie. I want to be with you. I want to raise our kid together. I want to be a perfect father. I want to be there for you when you go in labor. Baby I love you.” Liam told me. I was still stuck for words. It seemed like it took an hour for me to respond.
“Liam, you left me. I don’t think you can be the perfect father. I don’t want you to be there for me. I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you.” I didn’t mean for it to sound harsh, but it just came out that way. I didn’t mean for him to cry, but he did.
I almost cried along with him, “Can I at lease be apart of our child’s life? I love you for Christ sake!”
I shook my head and looked towards Hayden. He was looking down at his hands.
“Liam. Get it through your head. I don’t love you. It was just one nights mistake. Your still part of my life, your still my best friend.” I told Liam and stood up, “You’ll always be apart of our child’s life. Your just not a big part of mine.”
I walked over to Hayden, bent down and whispered in his ear, “Don’t give up on me.” I smiled and gave him a big hug.
He hugged me back, it seemed like forever till he let go.
I looked at the two boys sitting on the bench. They stared at each other. They looked like they were ready to blow. I smiled at them and turned. I seem to be running away from all my problems lately. It seems like I don’t want to deal with it. But I have to choose sooner or later. It was my turn to choose. And I chose later.
And like I always did. I ran.
*~*~*~*~*
I ended up in front of my fathers church. I looked up at it.
Should I go in? Should I just stay out here till he figures I’m out here?
I looked at my clock on my phone, 4:00 PM. Just the right time. At four o’clock was always forgiveness time.
I opened the big doors and walked in. It was quiet, except for faint whispers of prayers. I walked up to the stage, took a left. I opened the small door that read ‘pastor’. The new secretary was at their desk. It was a male.
I smiled at the elderly man, “Hi I’m Summerlynn Herman. I’m here to see pastor Herman.”
He smiled back at me, “Are you David’s daughter? You look nothing like him, you look more like your mother.” He moved his hand to press the button to buzz my dad.
I lightly put my hand in his. “Don’t tell him I’m here,” I gave the elderly man a huge smile, “I want to surprise my father.”
“Very well then.” He looked down at his papers, letting me pass to go into the snowy effected glass doors.
I slipped in. I heard him talking on the phone.
“Micheal, I told you to finish your papers then you may come in here!” My father was facing the windows, looking out of the building and into the sky.
I sat down, “Forgive me dear father. I have sinned.”
My dad swirled around in his chair. His eyes became wide when he saw me. I smiled. My dad and I always started our nightly prayers that way.
“What do you want now Summerlynn? God will never forgive you for what you have done.” He shook his head, disappointed.
I ignored him and went on, “These are the sins I’ve committed in the past days. I got pregnant with a nice innocent boy across the street. It was an honest mistake. I drunk. I cussed. I disrespected. I lied. I was rude. I’m confused.” I looked down at my shoes. I was confused about my feelings for Hayden. I didn’t know whether I liked him, or loved him, or hated him, or if we were just friends. I couldn’t tell. Its like my brain stopped and I don’t know my feelings towards anyone.
“Its your turn to confess your sins, daddy.” I smiled at him, he looked back at me with a disgusted face. I guess he decided to play along.
“I got angry, overly angry, when my daughter told me she was pregnant. I cheated on my wife. I kicked her out my home. I kicked my daughter out my home. I fired Nancy. I’m divorcing my wife, when I still love her.” He looked down at his shoes too.
I stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes.
“I help you and you help me?” I asked. He shook his head and gave me a big hug.
“I’m so sorry Summerlynn. Please, please forgive me.” He cried in my stomach.
I rubbed his graying hair. “Of course I forgive you, you’re my dad.” I looked past him. Out the window.
He looked up and rubbed his red eyes. He pointed to the chair in the corner. Made just for me. I always used to come here after school and stay with my dad and talk till it was time to go home. This felt just like old times.
“Now, Summer, my dear, tell daddy what you need help with.” He said looking at me, forgetting all about his work on his desk.
“Well,” I hesitated, I know my dad didn’t like drama. But I had no choice. If I wanted him to help me, what else was I supposed to do? Autumn would just laugh in my face and tell me she was right. “Liam’s back for starters. I don’t know what to do. He’s gone crazy, he said he loves me. I don’t love him. I think I’m in love with someone else…” I said the last part quietly.
He cried silently, “My daughter is pregnant and in love at 16. What crazy world is this?” He chuckled, I knew it wasn’t meant to be in a rude way. But I felt a tug at my heart at the way he laughed. “Honey, I know exactly what you should do. Tell Liam you don’t love him, show him, whatever it takes. You don’t want to fall in love with the wrong person, take it from me. Then tell this boy that you think your falling in love with your exact feelings.”
It sounded like the worse advice but, it helped. It helped a lot. I smiled, “Thanks daddy. Your turn. What do you need help with?”
He put his hands to his face and dragged them down.
“I need to tell Nancy its over. I need to tell your mother I love her.” It sounded like a rhyme. But I knew exactly what he should do.
“Tell Nancy its over, show her its over. Go to where mom’s staying. Tell her in the most cheesiest way that you love her, tell her that you want to be with her, tell her with all your heart that you forgive her. Get on your knee and ask her out.”
“Ask her out?” He asked, flabbergasted. I shook my head, “I suppose. Can you help me with what I should say to her?”
I shook my head, back and forth, “It has to be from the heart.” I pointed to my heart.
Sometimes I should really follow my own advice.
*~*~*~*~*
I walked home after I helped my dad how to follow his heart. It was hot, and I walked about two miles. I guess it was good to walk while your pregnant. I heard about it but never decided to walk. I guess I’m just that lazy. But I was hungry, really hungry. Sometimes I hate being pregnant.
I was so close to being home. In the facility. I walked a little quicker.
“Summer.” I heard someone say my name. I turned, Liam was so close to me I almost hit heads with him. He caught me by both arms, “Listen Summerlynn Joy and listen good. I don’t want to hurt you, but if I have to I will. My parents will disown me if I don’t do the right thing. Disownment means I cant go to Yale. If I don’t go to Yale, God forbid what might happen after that. So here’s the deal. I love you, you love me. Were going to be the best sophomore parents in history. Then when its time to go to college I ditch you and the baby, then you can have your happily whatever.”
I looked at Liam with disbelief, “Are you fucking nuts?” I yelled to his face.
His grip got tighter on my arms, I winced. “No, I’m a fucking genius. And your going to do as I say. You don’t know what I’m capable of, Summerlynn Joy Herman.” He let go of me with a push. He looked at me, disgusted. “Next time I see you, I don’t want you to look like a pregnant hobo. Clean your self up, learn how to take care of yourself.” With that Liam turned and left.
I swear that boy is on crack or something. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he was capable of. He was a spoiled rich kid. He was determined to get whatever he wanted. He didn’t care how he got it either.
When I was safe inside, safe from Liam. I text Hayden.
Help me…