Three Wishes

Mikey felt his smile still intact as he closed the door to his apartment. He wasn’t sure why. By now, the reality should be setting in. The fact that no matter what happened at Pete’s house, it was only temporary. He would have to return to normal life. Where he belonged with Gerard and Ali-

Mikey noticed the suitcase that was leaned on the wall by the bedroom door. He felt himself give a slight panic. He carried himself towards the door, leaning over the threshold and peeking inside.

Alicia sat on the bed. Her knees drawn up and her iPad balanced between them. She looked up to him. First, she was just a glance. No words. But Mikey didn’t need them to judge the situation. He felt his shoulders drop. The corners of her mouth raised in a slight smirk before she spoke. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he said, crossing the room and laying down stomach first onto the bed, across from her. “Why you home so early? You said Tuesday night.”

She clicked her iPad into sleep mode and reached over to put it on the bedside table. She slid her body downwards till her head was resting on the pillow and her eyes were level with his.

Mikey felt himself take in a sharp breath unconsciously. He knew something was-

“Gerard called me,” she said, picking at the duvet.

-wrong.

Mikey felt his body stiffen and his gaze turned blank. Alicia and the bedroom blurred together. He tried his hardest to readjust his vision without looking guiltily uncomfortable. “Why did he do that?”

Alicia blew a piece of black hair out of her face. “He was playing the overprotective big brother role again. You know him.”

Mikey felt himself relax a little. Maybe she would take his side. Maybe she didn’t think this whole thing was a big deal. Maybe she’d let all this slide.

“What did Pete want?”

Maybe not.

“Ugh…” Mikey looked down to his hands. “Just needed someone to look after Bronx. Things have been messy since …Ashlee left.” He tried to look back up at her. Tried to read her face. Was she gonna take it? Did she know he was dying inside?

“Messy… hmm. Is he doing okay?” her voice was calm. Like she didn’t think anything of it. But her eyes were more piercing than usual and Mikey felt small in her view.

Mikey shrugged. “One day at a time.” He let out a small smile. He watched Alicia study him, uneasily.

“Are you okay?” her eyebrows raised in question.

Mikey couldn’t tell if her tone was sincere or not. He didn’t want to know. “Of course,” he nodded.

Alicia shifted herself a little. “Gerard told me about when he was over here,” she said.

Mikey felt his lip twitch to one side, but he tried to hide it behind his hand.

“About the sleeping meds. And I noticed …my vodka’s gone?”

He nodded. “Yeah. His doing, not mine. Sorry. I’ll get you another handle this week,” he babbled.

“Mikey,” she stopped him. “It’s fine. But… it just doesn’t make a good case for you saying you’re okay.”

He sighed. “I know. But I am. Don’t listen to Gerard. It’s like you said. He’s just being an overprotective snob.”

“Well, I didn’t say that,” she chuckled and Mikey felt himself relax for a moment at the sound.

“No, of course you didn’t. But it’s fine.”

Alicia pursed her lips. “Would you tell me if it wasn’t?”

Mikey rolled his eyes and leaned over, kissing her forehead. “I said it’s fine. What do you want for dinner?”

----

Mikey couldn’t sleep that night. He lay in bed for what seemed like hours. Listening to Alicia breath slowly and surely. As if nothing was wrong. But Mikey couldn’t help but know that somewhere, she knew what was wrong. She knew exactly what was wrong. She knew Pete just as well as Mikey did and she certainly knew the signs.

He was quiet all through dinner, pushing his stirfry around lazily and asking the occasional question about her trip. He couldn’t stop fussing with his hair. He couldn’t give her an earnest kiss goodnight.

She had to know, Mikey couldn’t help but think. He had to stop this though.

His mind raced with questions. He wondered if Pete was doing the same in that very moment across town. Was he awake asking questions? Lord knows it’d be in character for him.

What was Pete trying to pull? Was his intention to throw Mikey off his game? To have him revisit the memories that destroyed him the first time around? To wreck his marriage? To get him to come back? To toy with him?

As well as Mikey knew him, he couldn’t predict those answers.

After an hour of contemplation, Alicia had fallen asleep soundly and Mikey drifted to the couch in the living room. He was imagining, recreating.

He took himself back to the night Pete stayed over. Before the house, before Bronx, before that fucking box. Before he cared so much about this. When he could think ill of Pete. Of his habits. Of his troubles. But as much as he tried, Mikey couldn’t get himself back. He couldn’t be annoyed or hurt or anything but struck.
Struck that he was back where he started.

There was a knock at the door. Mikey was pulled from his thoughts. He got up to answer it. Pulling the door open, there he was.

Pete’s eyes were back to normal. This time they took the dangerous, childish hue that Mikey was more used to. A sly grin plastered on his face and his hands in his pockets.

“Are you up?” he asked, tilting his head back sarcastically.

Mikey tried to conceal his smile, running a hand through his hair and looking down at his pajama bottoms. He snapped himself back and closed the front door behind him. “What’s up?”

Pete’s eyes watched carefully as he shut the door. The conclusion struck against his face so boldly. He knew Alicia was home just as much as Mikey did. He looked down to his sneakers for the first time. His whole demeanor shrinking from confident to out of place. “I…” he said as if he was trying to remember why he came. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Mikey leaned against the door with a sigh. “You never do, Pete.” He said with a shrug. “What’s different?”

“Everything and nothing,” Pete’s eyes rolled as he, himself, leaned against the opposite wall.

Mikey choked a small laugh, “What a Pete Wentz answer.”

Pete’s lips twitched into a grin, “Shut up.”

Mikey shook his head, “Fine, then what do you mean?”

The corners of Pete’s mouth sank again and his hands began fumbling over each other. “Nothing is different because I still feel the same way I’ve felt about you for the past six years.”

Mikey tensed all over but tried to conceal it in the shadow of the hallway. He blinked slowly, “Has it really been that long?”

“Yeah,” Pete said in a tone that was neither good nor bad. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Mikey lifted his head towards Pete.

Pete’s feet shifted uneasily. “For not letting this work out when it should have.”

Mikey held his breath. “It’s okay.”

Pete shook his head. “No, no it’s not.” His voice huffed out.

Mikey nodded. “You’re right. It’s not. Why is everything different?”

Pete sighed. “Everything is different cause your back in my sphere again. Breathing my air again.”

Mikey stayed silent for a moment. “Maybe that was my mistake.”

Pete stopped. He looked up to Mikey. His face illuminated by a streak of light coming in the hall window. “What do you mean?”

Mikey felt himself shrink. He shifted his shoulders. “I mean. It’s not six years ago. We have to work with what we have now. I have Alicia. And you have Bronx. We can’t rewrite the facts.”

Pete sunk in spirit. “You…” he took a moment. “You are right. I shouldn’t have come.”

Mikey stayed silent.

“I’ll…” Pete turned towards the exit. “I’ll see you around.” He pushed open the door to the parking lot and continued out of Mikey’s sight.

And just like that, Mikey let Pete Wentz walk out of his life. He sank down against the doorway, wrapping his arms around himself and exhaling shakily. All the while, wishing he could take it all back.