Three Wishes

Touring came like a tidal wave and seemed to sweep all their progress away. Mikey felt tired in every way, shape, and form. It seemed like years dragged on. Shows were played. Over and over. Until fingertips were numb, ears were forever ringing, and limbs seemed to strain everywhere. Cities rushed by and Mikey couldn’t control anything anymore. Every day was an outlined schedule pinned to his bus bunk. Every hour was being lead from one place to another by handlers. Every minute was organized. Every thought, already conceived.

But despite it all, the days that blended into a never ending Spring, the nights that he slept too hard and too long, he tried to make time for himself. There were these rare moments where he had learned he could pause it all. Maybe when someone had forgotten something somewhere or when they weren’t the ones running late or even the lulls in conversation that followed him where ever he went. Somewhere in those moments, he made time for himself. He knew they were moments that he should have been dedicating to other issues. More important issues. Like knowing what city he was in or making sure to check in on Alicia or remembering to breathe or smile. But all these things just weren’t priorities when those moments came.

But Pete was.

Mikey thought of the looks on his face in little moments. Like when Pete told a joke he thought was funny or when he saw his son do something he would do or when he didn’t expect what was coming or when his heart broke.

Mikey couldn’t help but think of that.

Most days, he felt like he did the right thing. Telling Pete it wasn’t gonna work out. It was the truth. It was the obvious. He reassured himself through it all.

But then moments came of uneasiness. Where he would regret the words he said, the glances he avoided, and the footsteps he didn’t stop from walking away.

The distorted time continuum that seemed to speed out of control in tour months always slowed towards the end. Till the clock barely seemed to tick. Till every day seemed like a lifetime. Counting down the moments till you could eat a home cooked meal. Sleep in your own bed. Lay by your lover once more.

The last day was always the easiest and the hardest. Easiest because you knew if you kept moving that it would be over soon. Hardest cause you kept second guessing everything, thinking that something would come up and ruin your own homecoming before it began.

Mikey was in that last day mode as he moved through the halls of the final venue. The polluted and synthetic City of Angel’s air was back in his lungs. More importantly, he was back in <i>his</i> air space. But he had been waving away that notion all morning, trying to forget the things he left here. He found his way to the green room and it was already bustling with people. He grabbed a coffee from the catering table and tried to fade into the madness.

His brother picked him out though and made his way over. “H-H-Hey,” he smiled, pulling him into a half hug before tugging way. “Last show. You excited to be home?”

Mikey’s mouth hung slightly ajar, “Uh, yeah. Ecstatic.” He caught the sarcasm in his throat, refusing to let it cling to his words.

But even without the mocking tone, Gerard still grasped the insincerity. “Oh Mikey. What’s wrong now?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

Mikey shook his head, “Nothing. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Gerard looked on. The worried look not leaving his face.

Mikey sighed. “I just haven’t talked to Alicia that much and I’m worried she’ll… I don’t know. I’m just worried.” A half truth. It wasn’t Alicia he was worried about so much as…

“Mikey,” Gerard clicked his tongue. His demeanor changed from troubled to all-knowing. “All you need to do is take her out. And I don’t mean out to dinner or out to a show. I mean book you two a vacation.”

Mikey raised an eyebrow.

Gerard nodded. “What better way to reconnect after not seeing each other for a couple months? Just take her away and get some 24/7 time with her and it will be fine. Take it from the guy who married to a fellow touring musician. Trust me. That’s what we’d be doing if we didn’t have the little rascal to haul with us.” He laughed a little and pat his brother’s back.

Mikey let a small smile flutter against his lips until Gerard’s attention was drawn somewhere else. He sighed again and ran a hand over his face, suddenly feeling like his impending doom was approaching quicker than he thought.

----

The show went off without a hitch just like their tour manager had promised. Seems like all the hard work and small stage issues had finally been ironed out.

The backstage was amuck with everyone celebrating the end of another successful tour. Wives showed up, more like proud mothers, to pick their children up from camp after the final performance. Lynz and Gerard were acting like love sick puppies on the green room couch while Frank and Jamia bickered over suitcases outside the bus. Mikey passed them, giving each wife a small hug, before getting on the bus to gather his last things.

As he padded to the bunk area, he found his bed already occupied. Alicia lay with her calm smile against her lips. “Hey, stranger” she said simply.

Mikey felt his body tinge with heat. “Hey,” he said with a sincere smile.

She blew a piece of hair from her face. It had changed colors since he’d been gone and now was a bright red like his brother’s old do. She could wear practically anything. She took in a deep breath “Well,” she started, crawling out of the bunk and standing up on her boots. “I took the liberty of collecting your things for you.”

Mikey smiled. She was always thoughtful like that. “You sure you got everything?” he asked.

She raised an arched eyebrow. “Do I ever miss anything?”

<I sure hope so.</i> Mikey heard his brain echo back but kept the words behind his lips. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she leaned forward, kissing him shortly. She pulled back, looking into his eyes. As if asking if it was okay to kiss him.

He looked back, trying to stop the sputtering in his head. He let his arms wrap around her back, carefully, as if this was all so new to them.

She smiled again and leaned back in, kissing him longer.

He pulled this time and let his arms drop. “So uh, let’s head home, mm?” he nodded.

Alicia looked back in surprise but nodded. “Okay,” she said before following him out of the bus.

----

Mikey lay in bed that night, next to Alicia as she slept soundly, unable to put any of his thoughts to rest. He was so tired. So drained, but he couldn’t let his eyes close. They stayed glued to the fluttering chiffon curtain as it moved in the slight breeze of the open walk out. He could feel the dampness in the air as the season crept up on them. The season.

All he wanted was a moment of clarity. An absolute sign of what’s right and what’s wrong. All the possibilities kept jumbling themselves in his head. He couldn’t keep them straight. He couldn’t keep how he felt about them straight. Gerard always made Mikey’s issues seem so simple. Pick this, not that. Do this, not that. But nothing seemed that clear cut. That black and white. Mikey saw it all in color. Blindingly so.

His eyes began to falter as he looked on towards the window. As the curtain moved, he could see through it somewhat. See through to the small street outside. The lamp that hung over everything, twitching in the California heat. The more he stared on, the more he made out a shape. A person. Standing on the edge of the curb. He squinted at the figure. Elbows flared outward. Hands tucked into… hoodie pockets.

He felt his body stiffen. His heart rate pick up. He looked to Alicia. She slept hard. Her mouth turned down in a frown as her eyes moved behind her lids. Mikey left her in dream world, crawling out from the side of the bed slowly. He grabbed a shirt from his open suitcase in the corner and headed for the door. He closed it slowly, not allowing it to make a noise.

He padded down the staircase, mind going blank. Not knowing what to say or do. Just letting his feet do the thinking.

Outside, it was hot as hell. Summer had come early. Summer…

Mikey saw him. And he felt like it couldn’t be real. Like he was imagining everything. He felt his body quake all over. The encounter was so unexpected that he couldn’t comprehend his feelings. Some parts of his brained sparked with joy and allowed his heart to swell in his chest while other parts were clouded in dismay. All of it under a halo of nervousness as his hands ran over each other.

Pete stood solemnly on the curb. His dark hoodie pulled over his head. His eyes gloomy and face shaded as Mikey approached him. His emotions unreadable.

“What are you doing here?” Mikey asked softly.

“I was just in the neighborhood and…” Pete let his eyes close and open again, slowly. “I knew you got home tonight.”

Mikey sighed and stepped closer. “Pete.”

“Look,” Pete said a bit cold. A bit impatient. A bit like he was done with all this. “What do you want me to say? That… That I haven’t stopped thinking about you for the past four months? That all I wanted was to feel like I was close to you for even a moment? Feel like I was more than some summer fling you regret starting. Yeah. I’m guilty. You caught me.” He sunk back a little. His eyes glued to the ground as his head shook. “But… it’s not fair.” His voice crumpled in his throat.

Mikey felt his heartbeat pick up again. He waited a moment before speaking up. “What’s not fair?”

“This!” Pete raised his hands in frustration. “You. All of it.” He let out a frustrated breath. “I’m the one you’re supposed to end up with. You know it and I know it and still you won’t let it happen. You’re too scared that it’s true. That all of its true. What you feel for me. What they say about me. What I’ll do to you. What you’ll do for me. You’re scared. A-and I can’t do anything about it. Every time I feel like we get somewhere, you repose. And it gets us nowhere. And …I’m just tired and running out of ways to prove it to you.”

Mikey looked down. “You,” he shook his head. “You told Bronx to show me the box.”

“Yes!” Pete exclaimed. “And all I fucking wanted was to know that you looked through that box the same way I do every night. Sad and angry and needing to know that that wasn’t the end of our story.”

Mikey was silent. Feeling like he had just been punched in the gut. Remembering the box again. He let out a stifled breath as he struggled to keep air down.

“I know,” Pete shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’ll … I’ll go… again.” He moved forward into the light of the street lamp, eyes focused on the ground.

Mikey drew in a sharp breath. It was weird, not seeing him for those couple months. Letting his imagination fill in the small amount of pixels that Mikey hadn’t memorized. The ones that couldn’t be captured on camera. The ones you could only see if you really knew him. Now, here he was. Angry and broken and still the only person Mikey wanted to see. “Wait,” Mikey stopped him. “Don’t go.”

Pete’s eyes travelled back up to Mikey’s face. A confusion spread across his features. “What?” he said softly, as if he hadn’t heard him right.

Mikey moved towards him, reaching out and grabbing the back of his hood and pulling it down. Letting the boy’s face show true in the yellow lamplight. His brown eyes blinking back behind his black hair in wonder and his throat swallowing the uneasiness that he couldn’t hide. Mikey slid a hand to his face. His skin was hot and clammy from the humidity. His fingers curled around the back of his head, remembering the shape too quickly and too fondly. His eyes felt heavy with emotion. It boiled beneath the surface and made it hard to think straight. All he could do to silence it was dip his head forwards and kiss Pete.

Mikey felt the memory rush back into him. The heat, the sweat, the laughter, and the love. It flooded through him like spilled ink, filling every corner with color. Tecnicolor.

Pete pulled away after a moment. His brown eyes were no longer frustrated but instead bright and childlike again. “You remembered,” he whispered as his teeth show through his smile.

“Yeah,” Mikey said simply. Feeling the first purely organic smile he had felt in months grow on his face.

“Finally,” Pete breathed as he let his hands travel up to Mikey’s shoulders and face, kissing him again. Kissing him like he had something more to prove. Like not only were the memories of the past real. The present was too. That the feelings they still had were just as real. He was blowing the dust off them and hanging them up on the wall proudly.

Mikey pulled away. He breathed out a laugh and his knees shook in contrast. “Let’s go somewhere.”

Pete blinked. “Okay,” he said, biting down on his lower lip. “There’s this diner by the pier open all night or I know this other-“

“No,” Mikey stopped him. “Let’s go somewhere far.”

Pete’s eyes squinted in question. “How far are you thinking?”

Mikey felt his skin buzz. “Japan?”

Pete’s eyes flashed wildly. He let out a stifled giggle. “Okay.”