Forgetting.

There’s nothing here anymore. Sometimes, I forget where I am. It’s not the same. I’m not the same, and you’re not here. You’re lost somewhere and I can’t figure out how to find you, to bring you back to me. My chest hurts, but it’s okay. You got used to the pain. The pain doesn’t change, nor does it ever show mercy. It’s never gone for even a fleeting moment. It’s always here. It doesn’t hurt so badly when you ignore it.

Then comes a time when ignoring it stops working, you still feel it, your chest feels almost hollow; you can feel your heart beating inside of your chest. That’s the worst part. You feel so exposed, so naked and fucking incomplete that you have no choice but to take it a step further. All you know to do is take it a step further. It seems like the only option now.

So you become numb. At first, being numb isn’t too bad. It spreads, though. At first, you numb the pain; just the pain. Then, you forget how to smile, to laugh. You lose the ability to cry, to become angry. Every emotion leaves you, and then all you have is the numbness, and the same pain that you used it for.

You’re so cold now. I lost you. I don’t know how, but you’re not here anymore. You’re not here, and my chest hurts. I don’t want it to hurt anymore. Why won’t it stop hurting?

Sometimes, I forget where I am. Sometimes, I forget who I am.

Where did you go?

I don’t understand.