Let's Set Ourselves Free

Today was absolute beautiful, the sky was hided under thick dark grey clouds and it was just pouring down rain. I would’ve enjoyed a lot more if it wasn’t for the throbbing headache and my stomachache, I was really, really, really regretting on taking that first shot. ’It’s all downhill from here baby,’ the line repeated in head, I should blame myself more than I was blaming Zach, but I wasn’t. It was utterly his fault.

At the moment I was sitting behind the counter of the record store, it was a very slow day. I kept my head rested on the palms of my hands, keeping my eyes closed hoping that no one would make any loud noises. Adam understood and he was as quiet as a mouse for once, but Sourpuss Sandra was being obnoxious knowing that I was hung over, and did anything possible to make me flinch in pain.

It was just around noon when the even darker clouds came around, I looked out the windows in front and smiled lightly, there were small roars that could be heard from a distant. I closed my eyes in prepare of the loud thunder that was as about to happen. I started to count slowly of course and then around twenty-something the big one happened, I flinched a little and opened my eyes just as the lights went out and I heard a scream.

I looked around, getting off the stool only seeing one dark figure near the front of the store; it was the typical way to start a horror movie.

“Hey Sandra, are you okay?” I asked kindly and stayed hear the counter.

“That wasn’t me who screamed you dumbass.” Said the dark figure, I rolled my eyes.

“Adam, where are you, love?” I asked and looked around trying to see kind any of movement.

“I’m on the floor, come get me please. I’m not going to lie I’m sort of scared.” I heard him say somewhere from the floor.

“Okay, which aisle?"

“The last towards the wall, on your right…”

I nodded as if he could see me; I walked towards the voice and carefully started to walk down the aisle and moved my foot in front of me and moved it around waiting to come in contact with his body. I accidently stepped on his arm which made me laugh and made him whine. I reached down and got his hand, pulling him up and brought him close. We went for the backroom and gathered some candles and two flashlights setting everything up.

Once we had some light, we knew we wouldn’t get any costumers so Adam and I settled down on the floor with a few candles near us and a flashlight. I rested my head on his lap as he gently started to massage it; I closed my eyes in comfort.

“Why don’t you give him head already?” Sandra said probably sitting in front us.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, I was about to sit up and give her a piece of my PG-13 mind when I was stopped. I looked at Adam who looked pissed and made him kind of look scary with the candle light flickering off his glasses and his face.

“Why don’t you just go outside and lay in the middle of the street and wait for a fucking house to drop on you, you evil bitch.” He said and took a deep breath. “Or just get hit by lighting. I don’t care just get out of here.”

I looked between the two as Sandra stared back with a hate burning in her eyes, she grabbed a flashlight and walked off with a huff.

“Damn Adam, that was a little harsh.” I said placing my head back on his lap, I looked up at him.

“Someone had to tell her off.” He said still sounding mad. He shook his head and leaned back against the wall. “But I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” He stated calmly.

“Oh yeah, and what will that be dear?”

“Um, well… I don’t know really know how to put this…” He started, he was nervous and it was obvious. I sat up and turned to him looking over his face. “I wanted to know something, I’m pretty sure of it but if I say to someone else then maybe it would sound more believable.”

“Okay, shoot.” I encouraged.

“I might be gay.” He said and stared at me.

“Yeah, I sort of figured that.” I laughed a little.

“Really, wow. But I feel so unsure of it. I find guys attractive but I sort of find girls attractive as well… I’m just confused.”

“Maybe you swing both ways?” I asked more than said. “Have you ever kissed a guy before?” I asked and he replied with a nod. “And how did that feel?”

“Right, I enjoyed it.” He answered and bit his bottom lip.

“What about a girl?”

“No,” He shook his head and frowned deeply.

“I could get Sandra over here for you and you could always kiss her.” I thought out loud and pointed with my thumb to wherever I thought she was.

“I don’t want to die at a young age Juliet, I love my life.” He snorted and rolled his eyes. “How about I kiss you?”

“Me, why would you want to kiss me?”

“You’re the only one who actually will and wants to hear my problems.”

“But I have a boyfriend… and what if…” I started and could feel the nerves getting at my already upset stomach.

“Juliet calm down, I was only saying. You don’t have to.” Adam said quickly and laughed; he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a small shake.

I took a deep breath and looked at Adam; I quickly leaned in and kissed him on the lips, crossing all my limbs in hope that he was gay. His lips only moved against my mine for a short a second and he pulled away with a grossed out face.

“Yeah, girls are really gross when it comes to making out and touching.” He said and stared at me.

“Gee, thanks Adam.” I said and laughed; I shook my head and held up my head with my hand as my legs crossed.

“I’m sorry, you’re awesome and everything but no… It’s like… no connection.” He tried to explain.

“It’s okay, I think I understand. Maybe you just need another girl.”

“I doubt it, I find you hot but you’re no Paul Walker.”

I laughed more and covered my face up; I stayed in that position for a while and then brought myself down and rested my head back on Adam’s lap. I was happy enough to find out that Adam trusted me enough to tell me he was gay.

As for the rest of the day it was like we never opened, no one came in. Even with the heavy rain we expected someone to just waltz right in. Adam walked over to the front of the store with flashlight in hand and looked at the sign only to show that whoever opened up the store didn’t switch the sign from close to open. And it wasn’t me because today wasn’t my day to open up shop.

“Okay, Sandra you’re the real wise one of the group. Way to go dumb fuck we lost a day of business.” He hissed.

I expected her to say something, anything to him but she remained quiet which was really weird of her. She stayed at her spot just standing up against the wall not even acknowledging that he had told her something rude but truthful. Was it odd of me to actually worry about her?

We kept the candles on as darkness approached and the lighting continued with the semi-loud thunder. Sandra kept to herself and me and Adam kept to ourselves, he was becoming my best friend more and more as we continued to talk and joke around. Finally the work day was done and we were putting on our sweaters and getting our belongings. Sandra was the first to leave as the both us stood back since we were still talking.

I got my sweater on and my bag just as the door opened, I looked over to see a pissed off Brendon. He walked over to us, hair a little wet from the rain and his hand in a fist and now punching Adam in the nose and the blood starting to drip out of his nose.

“What the fuck?!” Adam yelled in pain and brought the sleeve of his sweater to his nose to stop the blood.

“Brendon!!” I joined in the yell and pushed him with all my strength to get him away from Adam.”What’s with you?”

“What’s with me Juliet, what’s with him kissing you?” He asked pissed off and stared down at me.

I stayed quiet and looked passed Brendon only to come to realize that Sandra had only told him, it didn’t come to mind that she was planning that let alone saw us kiss. I shook my head and bite my bottom lip a little hard; I felt my breathing become hard.

“He didn’t kiss me, I kiss him but there’s a reason.” I started and looked up at Brendon.

“Oh really, yeah that just makes EVERYTHING so much better knowing that my girlfriend kissed another guy, but now I feel really bad about punching Adam.” He said as his face hardened, he pushed my hands that were on his shoulders off.

“Listen to me; it wasn’t that kind of kiss.” I shook my head quickly.

“Then what kind of kiss?”

“Well he wanted to see if he was gay--” I only got out before Brendon started to laugh loudly and looked at Adam.

“Dude, that’s a really good line! I’ve should’ve used that when I had the chance. ‘I don’t know if I’m gay so let’s make out to find out.’” Brendon said and laughed more; he held onto his sides and shook his head.

I looked over to Adam my eyes got watery due to his face of pain and embarrassment kicked in. He kept his nose covered and walked out of the store. I knew it wasn’t my place to tell Brendon -who obviously doesn’t believe me, that Adam was gay even though I was only trying to explain the situation. I turned back to Brendon and frowned deeply.

“Oh what now you’re pissed at me for only being pissed at the fact my girlfriend kissed another dude?” Brendon said coldly sending a bad chill down my spine.

“He’s gay!!” I yelled at him. “It was only a small kiss that meant nothing and to prove that he finds girls gross and Paul Walker hot!” I continued to yell and walked out of the store entering the heavy rain. I pushed my damp hair behind my ear and wrapped my arms around my middle, breathing heavily and watching the noticeable breathing fade into the air.

I walked until I was at the end of the street almost bumping into the car that had stopped in front of me. I looked up and through the opened window to see Brendon sitting in the driver’s side.

“Get in Juliet,” He demanded.

“No.” I stubbornly answered and took a step back.

“I don’t care about the kiss anymore, just get in please.”

“No, and you do too.”

“I don’t fucking care, just get in the car you’re going to get sick!” His voice raised and his look was getting annoyed, the old classic annoyed face.

“So, let me get sick. It’s what I deserve isn’t it?” I looked at him through my wet bangs.

“Juliet for fuck’s sake, I don’t give a shit about that fucking kiss, get in the car!”

“I wouldn’t have kissed him if I didn’t already know that he was gay,”

“What are you the gay whisperer?” He asked the anger replaced the annoyed tone.

I stared at him and looked away, I walked around the car and started to walk away, and ignoring the yells of my name that were getting louder and louder with each step I took. I was a girl crying in the rain, making the throbbing headache increasing to its full potential that caused the tears to overflow. I manage to get home with the thought that I was going to die from the pain in my head on a random street. I opened the door with trouble; I walked inside to an empty apartment.

I dropped my bag and my keys on the floor and started to undress myself for a hot shower only to show that it didn’t help my headache. I got dressed and covered my body up and tried to find some kind of comforting position that would ease the pain, but nothing worked. I moved all around the bed, holding my head tightly before curling up in a ball hiding under the covers.

I tried to put my head to rest but all I could think of was that I messed up when I thought I was being a friend. A few curse words slipped through my lips when the pain would increase and decrease only by the slightest. The door opened and closed loudly making me flinch and close my eyes tightly; I took a shaky breath and swallowed hard.

The movements after that were careful I suppose, I had covered my ears from getting hurt from any further noises. The bed moved a little telling me that Brendon was getting on the bed, the blankets lifted up and I didn’t move.

“Are you seriously beating yourself up that badly just from a fucking kiss?” Brendon then asked after he took my hand off my ear.

“No…” I answered half lying. “My head hurts really, really badly…” I was breathing heavily due to the lack of air was getting from being under the covers.

I felt him get off the bed, it was only a few minutes after he had rejoined me feeling warmer than he did the first time, he pulled him closer me to him, bringing his hand to my head and started to massage my temples. I felt his lips on my head every now and then, my arms remained at my sides but were being wrapped his around his waist from his doing.

“It just scared me that I thought I lost you to someone else, it’s just the way that Sandra explained it, and she made it seem like it something really heated and meaningful.” Brendon spoke after some time, “And I talked to Adam, I told him I was sorry for punching him and I didn’t mean to offend him that he was gay. Just the thought of losing you… its scary and he understood. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head a little trying not to cause anymore pain; I already stopped crying figuring that was the best way to stop the headache. “Don’t be sorry, it’s my fault. I’ll understand if you don’t trust me.” I whispered, my head resting up against his chest listening to his heartbeat.

“Shut up, I trust you. I just don’t trust other guys… I’m just scared that you’ll find someone better than me, I just don’t want to find out that I’m not good enough again.”

“I don’t want anyone else, I don’t need anyone else. I just need you and only want you.” I whispered again.

“But what if there’s a guy who’s going to give you more, showering you with gifts?”

“Who could possibly give me more than what you already give me Brendon?” I looked up to him finally and looked into those big brown eyes that had only once before showed the hurt and pain, he had gone through. “I love you and there isn’t another guy out there that’s half the guy you are, you’re everything I dreamed of even thought you tend to hold onto the bad boy image. I’m sorry I made you feel that way again, you don’t deserve that.” I said and brought myself up a little and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply and meaningfully and getting the same in return.

I pulled away slightly only to see a few tears slip from his eyes, it broke my heart. I wiped his eyes and rested my head against his as the lump started to form in the back of my throat. I ran my fingers through his hair slowly and repeatedly, trying my best to comfort him the best I could but I knew it was pain that would take more time to heal from.

I let him cry in my hold still my fingers made their way through his hair and back, I wrapped one of my arms around his neck as his arms snaked around me, holding me really close. I didn’t whisper anything to him since I didn’t know what I could possibly say to ease the pain. His face was buried in my neck I could the tears being pressed against my skin, but I didn’t care. I started to scratch the back of his back with a shaky breath, knowing that I had only reminded him of his past.