Adolescent Suicide

A year. To normal people, that wouldn’t seem like that long of a time. But for Mercy Lavania Bryar, that was a shitload of time. That was how long she had been away from the guys of My Chemical Romance. That’s how long it’s been since she had been diagnosed with cancer. Imagine, twelve months away from the men you hold dearest. Twelve visits to the hospital for check-ups, to ensure that your cancer hasn’t come back. 365 days spent in sunny Miami, Florida, a place so unfamiliar to her. And she still wasn’t happy.

After she left New York, she thought of the one place that they would least expect her to go. Another big city, of course. Their first thought would probably be that she went to live in some hick ass town in some hick ass state like Arkansas. But she didn’t. She went to Florida, where it was warm all year round. Mercy’s hair had grown down to her shoulders, and she had dyed it a deep black with bright pink under layers. She worked at another salon, since that’s all she knew how to do. Not only that, but she had legally changed her name.

She was now Aislyn Renee Scarlett.

And she hated her life.

Sure, she had some good things going for her. She was dating this guy. His name was Alexander, or Alex for short. But he wasn’t the same. He wasn’t him. No matter what Mercy did, her thoughts always went to him. Alex was great, don’t get her wrong. But it just wasn’t the same. She couldn’t bring herself to allow him to touch her, to allow him into her bubble. He wasn’t him and only he could do that.

And yes, she had a pretty kick ass job. It wasn’t like the one in New York. The one here was in one of the biggest salons in Miami. Celebrities, millionaires. Everyone came to the salon. And she had to admit, the money was great. Actually, the money was fucking kick ass. She had a great apartment just off the beach, thanks to that money.

But she would give it all back for him.

She had followed the band religiously. She checked their site, watched them on TV, bought their new album when it came out. The songs on there…they hit her hard. Like a ton of fucking bricks to the face. Especially ‘Cancer’. It tore her up inside, little by little. She could no longer listen to it without bursting into tears. It was the track that she skipped, no matter what. But she had to admit that the guys had come up with one of the most amazing albums that she could ever imagine. She had to give it to them. They were fucking musical geniuses.

Still, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same without them. Without him.

Mercy pulled herself off of her couch and ran a hand through her raven hair. Her blue eyes shifted to the clock. She had about an hour to get ready. And then, she was supposed to meet Alex at the little restaurant down the street for lunch. The two of them had been dating for about three months, and she still hadn’t told him anything about her previous life. About her cancer. About them. About him. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Why should she, anyways? She no longer spoke them. They weren’t a part of her life anymore. She was merely another fan, another one of those faceless girls in the crowd.

She walked into her bedroom and pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain white tank top. Today, she could care less. She didn’t feel like dressing up, or looking pretty. Mercy didn’t even bother putting on makeup. That was another thing. She didn’t care. She didn’t attempt to make an effort with Alex. Mercy was so damn surprised that he was still with her, since she was usually a cold-hearted bitch to him. She didn’t even hold his fucking hand.

Sighing, she pulled on a pair of white flats, then locked up her apartment after saying goodbye to Skittles. Yes, she had kept the dog. She couldn’t seem to give him up, no matter how hard she tried. He would turn those cute little brown puppy eyes on her and she’d cave. Though, he was no longer the little puppy he had been when she first got him. He weighed a freaking ton and liked sleeping on her legs. And drool was a constant in her apartment. It covered everything.

Mercy took the elevator from the fourth floor down to the first. The doorman smiled, waving before opening the door for her. She gave him a small smile back before walking out into the warm Miami streets. Even in November, it was hotter than a motherfucker. At least it was for her, since she was so used to the cold seasons of New York, Chicago, and New Jersey. She walked slowly down the street, taking in the sights like she had never seen them before. Of course, she had. But something felt different today. She couldn’t quite place it, but she had this unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. Change was approaching.

The little bell above the door jingled as she opened it. Even from a distance, she could spot Alex, his back towards her. His shaggy brown hair fell in slight curls around his neck. His blue grey eyes were penetrating, but were nothing like the warm hazel that she had loved so much. He wore a simple grey t-shirt and faded blue jeans, the epitome of casualness. He was unlike anyone she had ever hung around with before, and it was a nice change.

It wasn’t that she hated him. Mercy sincerely cared for Alex. But she didn’t love him. And she wouldn’t fake it. No matter what, she couldn’t fully put the past behind her. She would never find someone like him. No one would ever make her feel the way she did with him. It just wasn’t possible for her.

“Hey,” she muttered as she approached him.

Alex sent her that dazzling smile. It was one of those smiles that would make most girl’s melt. Perfect, straight white teeth. His eyes crinkled up every time that smile lit up his face. But it did nothing for her. If anything, it was too perfect. It made her cringe on the inside. She missed his smile, that crooked smile that she had thought absolutely ridiculous at first. That smile that showed all of his teeth, not just the front ones.

“Hey Aislyn,” he said, gesturing for her to take the seat across from him.

They were at their usual seat, in the back. Mercy had a great view of the front door and of everyone else in the room. She hated having her back to doors and windows now. Something that had to do with being kidnapped. It was a constant worry for her, and something that people tended to catch onto pretty quick, even if they didn’t know why.

She sat down and picked up the menu. She never really read it. She always knew what she was ordering, because it was the same thing every time. She played it safe, never breaching out into the unknown. It was comfortable for her that way, and that was how it would stay. Mainly because she didn’t have a clue how to do it without them. They had brought out the spontaneity in her, and now it was gone.

“How are you today?” he asked, skimming over the menu as well.

Mercy shrugged. “Same shit, different day,” she told him, giving him a smile.

He chuckled and nodded. “Same here. I don’t have to work tonight though.”

Alex was a fireman. Yeah, he was the exact opposite of everything she knew. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Not saying that he wasn’t. It was just a different kind of handsome. Almost an awkward handsome. But that had been what she loved about him.

“Good. We can go and see that movie you’ve been wanting to see,” Mercy told him before looking up at the waiter that had appeared next to their table.

“Hey Aislyn. Alex. What can I get for you today?”

“Oh, I’d like a sweet tea, for now,” Mercy replied before averting her gaze over to Alex. He’d order lemonade, like always.

“Lemonade, please,” he told the waitress, who’s nametag read ‘Lauren’.

Bingo. Right on the money.

They watched Lauren walk away, then simultaneously, their eyes met once more. There it went again. That dazzling smile. Mercy kept the small smile she had on her face there, not wanting to offend him by dropping it, like she wanted to.

She knew that she had told them to never change. She had given them advice, but hadn’t taken it herself. She was a completely different person now. Well, on the outside she was. On the inside, she was still brash. Still loud. Obnoxious. Irritating. Mercy just learned how to hide it much better. Though a lot of the time, it took quite a bit of tongue biting.

“That sounds great, Ace,” Alex said, nodding.

She hated that fucking nickname. Ace. Did she look like a fucking Ace to you? No.

But she kept the smile on her face.

Mercy opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by the jingling of the bells over the door. Like always, her blue eyes shifted over there. A habit that came from being kidnapped. She watched her surroundings. She was always perceptive, always on her toes. Even in that moment, a hand went up instinctively to her scar. It still hurt at times, inhibiting her ability to talk normally. But it had been awhile since that had happened.

The guy who had just walked in had his back to her. His short frame was oddly familiar, though she couldn’t seem to place him. He had short, dark hair, and his shoulders were kind of hunched, like he was protecting himself or something. Like he had been severely beaten, and was shielding himself from the rest of the world. Her brow furrowed together. She had seen that stance before.

Mercy moved to the left a bit, trying to look past Alex, trying to get a good look at the guy’s face. The stupid asshole kept moving though, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t get a glimpse of his features. She didn’t realize that she had leaned way too far. In an instant, the floor came up to meet her face. She winced, her eyes shut closed. She still wasn’t good with pain.

“Ace! Are you okay?”

She nodded, attempting to stand up on her own. She didn’t want Alex to touch her. She made it to her knees before a familiar voice was heard right to her left.

“Mercy?”

Oh sweet motherfucking Jesus.

Frank.