Adolescent Suicide

Shit?

Shit.

Yeah, that sounded like the perfect word to describe Mercy’s current situation. What the fuck was he doing here? Why, oh why, of all places did he come to this fucking restaurant? She swore that someone upstairs truly hated her. And what the fuck did he do to his hair? She loved the little fringe thing, the insane coloring. But now it was just…black. Although it did bring out his face more. And those gorgeous hazel eyes.

Gah, she shouldn’t be thinking like that. She ran away from him, basically. There was no way in hell she was going to give up that easy. She was Mercy fucking Bryar, and stubborn as anything. She stood slowly, her eyes on the floor in front of her. She just couldn’t bring herself to look at Frank. Or Alex, for that matter. She was almost positive he was extremely confused.

“Mercy? Are you going to answer me?”

“Who’s Mercy?”

“She’s Mercy.”

“No, she’s Aislyn.”

“Um, no, she’s Mercy.”

She shifted her feet and brought her eyes up slightly. The two guys were staring each other down, confusion written plainly on their faces. Fuck. This was just great. Right when she thought she could half assed continue on with her life, he showed back up, ruining everything.

“I’ve been dating her for some time. I think I know her name.”

“Well, obviously not. You know nothing about her dude, so I’d back the fuck up.”

Okay, that was it. If Frank didn’t watch himself, there was sure to be a fistfight, and she happened to like this place. She would enjoy coming back, if the two idiots didn’t ruin that for her as well. She sighed and placed a hand on Frank’s shoulder, since he was the closest. He slowly turned his hazel eyes on her. The look in them made her take a step back. He looked so hurt, so confused, so…betrayed. Fuck.

“Um, Frank. This is Alex, my boyfriend. I…look, let me talk to him. I’ll give you my cell phone number. We’ll talk later, I promise,” she said quietly, begging him with her eyes to just accept it.

He gaped at her for a second before nodding. He pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open, waiting for her to give him her number. She reeled it off and he pushed in the correct buttons before shutting it and placing it back into his pocket. His eyes stayed on her almost the entire time, as if it had been a lifetime since he had seen her. Maybe it had been. It sure as hell felt like it. And she had changed this past year.

“Ace? Who is this guy? Why is he calling you ‘Mercy’?”

“Alex, just wait. I’ll explain everything to you,” she said, looking over at him for a second. He huffed, but sat down in his seat. Frank took a step towards her, bringing a hand up to cup her face, making her avert her eyes back to him.

“Fuck, Mercy. You scared us shitless. Promise we’ll talk later? I know Bob really wants to see you,” he said, his voice quiet.

Mercy couldn’t even bring herself to say anything. She merely nodded. Frank gave her a small smile before turning and leaving the restaurant. It was then that she exhaled heavily, finding her breath once more. She shakingly sat back in her chair across from Alex, who was watching her intently. His steely gaze was unnerving and she wished that he would stop staring at her.

He deserved the truth. He had put up with so much of her shit. She could at least give him that. Couldn’t she?

She sighed heavily once more and began speaking. “My name is Mercy Lavania Bryar. My older brother is the drummer for the band My Chemical Romance. That’s why I’m so much of a fan of them. But that’s off topic. A year and a half ago, I went on tour with them. I was going to be there makeup artist. A lot of shit happened. A lot. So, I finally quit the tour and went back to New York. After they were done touring, they came back to see me. It was then that I realized that I cared a lot about Frank. That’s the guy that just showed up. Anyways, I ended up being pregnant. Of course, I lost the child. It was then that I found out I had ovarian cancer. I will never have kids.”

Her voice was quiet and tears were starting to well up in her eyes. Alex reached forward, attempting to put a hand on hers, but she pulled back slightly, wincing. Fuck. She couldn’t even let him touch her. And yet, she had allowed Frank to put his hand on her face just a few minutes ago. Was she so damn cold-hearted that she couldn’t allow someone who cared for her a little physical affection?

Yes, she was.

“I broke down inside. I couldn’t stand it. It was the worst kind of pain imaginable, knowing that I could never have a family with anyone. I thought that the guys deserved so much better than what I could give them. They needed someone happy, someone who could be a part of their future. I couldn’t. So, I left. And that’s how I came to be here. I’m sorry that I lied to you, but it was for the best. For me.”

His brow furrowed together as he looked at her. “Are you telling me that you’ve done nothing but lie to me these past three months? That you’re still in love with that guy? That…Frank? Is that why you wouldn’t let me touch you? Is that why you’ve been such a bitch?”

Alex’s voice was gradually getting louder. Mercy shrank back from him, blinking away tears. She felt awful. She had hurt him, though it wasn’t purposely. She didn’t think it was possible to feel even more like scum than she did in that moment. Mercy couldn’t even bring herself to look him in the eyes. She merely nodded, agreeing to his questions.

“I can’t fucking believe you, Ace. Or should I say Mercy?”

With that, Alex stood, knocking his chair onto the ground in the process. He shook his head, then stormed out of the restaurant. Mercy bit at her bottom lip as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She let out a small sob before placing her head in her hands, ignoring the attention of everyone else in the room as she let herself go.

**********Time Elapse**********

She had no idea how long she sat in the restaurant, head on the table in front of her. She knew that the sky outside started dimming, because the lights inside had flickered on. People’s voices intermingled with her thoughts, making her head spin. She felt like shit. Like shit on toast. If that was even worse, but whatever. It was how she felt, damn it.

Mercy jumped about ten feet in the air when her cell phone went off. The intro to ‘Give ‘Em Hell, Kid’ rang loudly through the restaurant, earning her some very odd looks from the people eating around her. She quickly dug into her jeans pocket and pulled it out. After a quick glance at the screen, she knew exactly who it was. Who the hell else would have a New Jersey area code?

“Yeah?”

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT! FRANK WAS RIGHT! IT’S MERCY! BOB! DUDE! YOUR SISTER!”

She arched a brow and pulled the phone away from her ear. Even from the distance, she could hear Sicily’s screams, and then they were replaced by a more dulcet tone. Her brother’s.

“Mercy?”

The girl brought the phone back up to her ear, clearing her throat slightly. Her fingers went out to play with the cloth napkin in front of her nervously. She hadn’t spoken to him in a year. He was sure to hate her. She knew she would, if she were in his position. Despite the fact that they were related. You just weren’t supposed to do that to your family. You weren’t supposed to turn your back on them. But Mercy had.

“Hey Bob,” she said quietly, biting at her bottom lip.

“Mercy! Wow, it is you! Frank came in, saying he had talked to you, but none of us believed him. We hadn’t seen or heard from you in a year, so we were hesitant. Fuck, Mercy. I’ve missed you.”

The pain was evident in his voice. It made her want to slit her fucking wrists. She banged her head down on the table hard, grimacing. She had done this to him. This was all her fucking fault. All of it. There was no one else to blame but herself.

“I know. I’ve missed you too,” she whispered.

“Where are you? Can we come see you?”

She wanted to tell him no. She wanted to change her number, and go back into hiding. She could always move somewhere else. She could always change her name again. Start over. But she couldn’t seem to do it. She couldn’t seem to bring herself to hurt him again. She was gradually losing all her resolve.

“Yeah. I’ll be at my apartment in five,” she said before giving him the address. They said goodbye, then hung up.

Shaking her head, she pulled out her money and tossed it onto the table before leaving the restaurant. The closer she got to her apartment building, the more nervous she felt. She didn’t know why, but it was eating away at her. She knew that every single one of the guys were going to be there, plus Sicily.

Ah, Sici. The last that Mercy had heard, her and Gerard were engaged. She was so happy for them, and pissed off that she had missed watching their relationship flourish. But yet again, it was no one’s fault but her own. The city had grown colder as she sat inside, wallowing in self pity. She shivered slightly and wrapped her arms around her. Her blue eyes watched her surroundings once more. Lights twinkled in the evening sky. The streets were more empty now. Only a few couples strolled along the sidewalk, hand in hand.

She sighed once more as she turned the corner to her apartment. She had been walking calmly, but out of nowhere, she was on the ground, a heavy weight on her chest. A hand went underneath her head to keep her from cracking her skull on the ground. However, the breath was knocked out of her, making her clench her eyes shut.

“MERCY!”

Her eyes flitted open and she came face to face with Gerard’s dark eyes. His pale face loomed over her own, the same crooked grin pulling up half of it. She couldn’t help but smile. Fuck, she had missed that. She had missed his goofy ass, as much as she hated to admit it.

“Gee! Great to see you. Now, would you so kindly get the fuck off of me?”

“Oooh, that’s not very nice,” he said, smirking as he stood, holding a hand out for her to take so that he too could help her up.

Mercy stood, dusting off the seat of her pants. It was then that she looked up. Behind Gerard was Frank, Mikey, Bob, Ray, and Sicily. And all of their eyes were on her. Fuck. She gave them a sheepish smile. It was all that she could do. She was almost certain that if she turned and ran, like she wanted to, they would’ve chased her. And that wouldn’t have looked good.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

And then, she was swarmed. It was like they didn’t even care that she had completely deserted them. They just seemed so happy that she was there now, with them. They wrapped her up in hugs, kisses. Everything. And she didn’t pull away. She couldn’t do that to them, despite the fact that she was extremely uncomfortable. She plastered a smile on her face and for the first time in a year, it was actually genuine. But she was missing someone.

Frank.

She gently pushed Mikey away from her and exited the little huddle. Frank stood a bit away, hands thrust deep inside of his pockets. His hazel eyes were on her, but they seemed vacant. Her heart wrenched and once again, tears welled up in her eyes. Fuck, she felt so horrible. Like she had just taken his innocence or something.

“Frank,” she whispered, opening her arms for him.

He looked hesitant, but quickly closed the gap between them, taking Mercy into his arms. She held him tightly and in a few seconds, his shoulders began to shake. Together, they cried. They cried over their lost time, over lost love. Over everything. For the first time in a year, they were one. They were together.