Adolescent Suicide

Skittle’s loud barks met the seven of them at the door. It was a deep, guttural noise, and if she didn’t know the damn dog, she might’ve been a little frightened. The only thing scary about her bulldog was the amount of drool it produced. She fished around in her pockets for her keys, earning her more frantic barks from inside of her small apartment.

“Holy fucking shit. What do you have in there? A fucking rottweiler?” Ray asked, a panicked expression on his face as he stared at the door.

Mercy grinned broadly as she pulled out her keys, inserting the right one into the lock. “No, that would be Skittles,” she said as she unlocked her apartment.

“Is he the size of a moose?” Ray muttered.

She shook her head as she flung open the door. They all gathered in the hallway, taking off jackets and whatever. Shoes, particularly, since Mercy allowed no shoes on her gorgeous carpet. Okay, so it wasn’t gorgeous. But she still didn’t want their dirty, nasty shoes all over it. As they stood there, Mercy heard the familiar galloping noise that meant Skittles was on his way. The dog rounded the corner, skidding on the tiled floors. His tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth, drool dripping off the end. He had a wild, happy look in his brown eyes.

And he was looking straight at Frank.

He let out a girlish squeal as Skittles bounded down the small entrance hallway, his nails making little clicking noises against the tile. His wrinkles flopped in the breeze made by his over-eager run, and his little nub of a tail was wagging ferociously.

It was by far the cutest thing that Mercy had ever seen.

Frank let out another squeal as he kneeled on the floor, arms open wide. It reminded Mercy of those cheesy commercials where lovers were running in an open field towards each other, arms at the ready to envelop the other person. Slow motion and all. Skittles jumped onto Frank, assaulting him with his tongue. Before long, his face was all shiny from the slobber and he was attempting to get the dog off of him. However, Skittles was stubborn. He took after his mommy.

“I think he likes you,” Mikey said, nudging Frank with his foot before passing him to go into the living room.

The rest of us followed, getting an indignant yell from Frank about being left behind with the rapist dog. Mercy giggled, shaking her head as she sat heavily on one of the couches. She heard the clicking of claws as Skittles made his way back into the living room before jumping onto her lap. She let out a groan and moved her arms so that he could make himself more comfortable. Frank appeared at that moment and sat at her feet, leaning back against her knees.

She knew that this was the moment that she was dreading. The onslaught of questions were looming near. And she didn’t want to answer them. She wasn’t sure how she was going to explain herself. She didn’t know how she was going to make them understand that what she had done had been for the best. She doubted that any of them could truly understand her reasoning behind everything.

“Alright, Merc. You know we love you. And we know that you don’t want to talk about it, but too fucking bad. Because I think we deserve some sort of explanation,” Gerard said from the Lazy Boy recliner across from her.

Her blue eyes shifted over to him, and that was when she realized that he, too, had changed. She had no idea why she didn’t notice it before, but his longish black hair was cut short and he was blonde. It was…strange. Mercy’s eyes went slightly wide as she gaped at him. Holy shit. He looked…handsome? Yeah, that was a good way to explain it. And that was shocking all on it’s own. Because Mercy had found him cute, yes, but handsome? Gerard? It just wasn’t possible.

“You’re blonde!” she exclaimed, pointing at him.

Gee rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and you aren’t. So, explain.”

Mercy sighed heavily, biting at her bottom lip. She really didn’t want to talk about this. She wished that things could just continue onward, like she had never left. But life wasn’t that simple, was it? Things had to be complicated, and a big pain in the ass. She shifted slightly, trying to find her words. Frank sensed her discomfort and wrapped one arm around her leg, rubbing her calf in what would be a calming manner. It sure as hell made her feel better, in the least.

“I left because I felt that you guys deserved someone better than me. Once I was diagnosed with cancer, I just…I didn’t feel normal any more. I felt like I could never have a future, because I couldn’t have kids. And I thought that you guys, especially Frank, deserved someone who could have a future,” she said quietly.

“You sound as though you’re dying or something,” Mikey commented from beside her.

She shrugged. “Maybe I was,” she whispered.

That was indeed, how she felt sometime. She knew that her cancer wasn’t something that was going to kill her. At least, it wasn’t yet. But that didn’t change the fact that sometimes she felt so weak, so tired. And it felt like the cancer was eating away at her, even if she was in remission. Right after she had moved, and during her shortened stay in New York, it had taken over her mind, her body, her soul. It was all that was on her mind.

She had cancer.

It wasn’t something that could easily be forgotten. It separated her from the rest of the world around her.

She was different.

“Mercy, that’s absurd. You aren’t dying. And you won’t. You shouldn’t have left. We wanted to help you, we wanted to be there for you. But you pushed us away,” Sici said from her spot on the arm of the chair.

Her brows furrowed together as she averted her eyes down to Skittles, who was chewing on the hem of her shirt. She sighed and tore the material from the dog, not having anything to say to that. Sicily was right. She had pushed them away when all they had wanted to do was help her. Mercy knew that she had been in the wrong. She knew that now. But at the time, it had seemed right.

“I don’t care that you can’t have kids, Merc. I still think we can have a future together,” Frank said, turning slightly to look at her in the eyes.

Mercy looked into those hazel eyes and knew that he was right. They could have a future. There were plenty of other ways to have a family. And even if they didn’t have kids, a life without Frank just wasn’t worth living. She had been so stupid, leaving him. It was a mistake that would plague her for the rest of her life, but she now had an opportunity to fix it.

And damn it, she would.

She gently pushed Skittles off of her and leaned down, wrapping her arms around Frank. She placed a kiss at his temple as he put his hands on her arms, his hazel eyes closed as he snuggled into her frame.