Adolescent Suicide

“Alex! Fuck! Alex, wait up!” Mercy yelled as she followed him outside the house, into the chilly night air.

She had no idea why she was even attempting to explain herself to him. She never did that. Mercy Bryar was not the type of person to tell people why she did the things that she did. Because she could care less. But for some reason, she felt as though she needed to tell Alex. It could be because he had been there for her for the past three months, despite her bitchy attitude towards him. That sort of perseverance deserved some sort of thanks. And an explanation was all he was going to get out of her.

The dew covered grass in the front yard instantly made her flip-flop covered feet wet. She grimaced at the feeling, but continued on. They were moving at a fairly fast pace. Well, she was. It looked like he was merely walking. Her breathing was starting to come out more haggard, her legs starting to give up on her. She hadn’t done this much exercise in a year. It usually made her feel like she had been hit by a freight train just walking to work.

“Ace! Just leave me the hell alone! I don’t want to hear what you have to say!” Alex called over his shoulder. She could see that his fists were clenched at his side, the vein in the side of his throat throbbing with his anger.

Mercy let out a low growl as she mustered up what little strength she had. In a few, quick strides, she caught up to him. Her hand went out and she grabbed his shoulder, yanking hard. It was enough to make him spin around and face her, slightly confused. His upper lip curled and he made to turn back around.

“Would you just fucking listen to me! Give me one fucking minute!” she yelled, making him stop, mid-turn.

He stayed in that position, his eyes on the grass at his feet. She watched him, breathing heavily. Her chest heaved with exertion and she prayed that she didn’t pass out. She was sure as hell feeling like she was about to. Her blue eyes drifted to their surroundings. She needed to sit down. She needed to get off her feet before she bit the dust.

“Fine. But make it quick,” Alex said, his voice low.

“I will. Let’s just sit down first,” she replied, motioning towards the curb just a few feet away.

He must’ve heard her breathless voice, heard the way she was straining just to stay standing. In an instant, Alex was at her side, arm around her shoulders to support her as they made their way to sit down. Once they were on the cement, he released her, folding his hands in his lap. His grey-blue eyes were on the rocky path at their feet. He bit slightly at his bottom lip as he reached forward to grab a pebble before throwing it down the street.

“Alright. We’re sitting. Talk,” he said. She noticed the slight change in his tone of voice, and she realized that he must really care for her.

Mercy inhaled deeply, held it, then exhaled. The carbon dioxide came out of her thin lips in a rush of warm air, hissing against her teeth slightly. “Alex, I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about you. Because I do. I know I haven’t shown it that well. I fucking suck, I know.”

“You can say that again,” he muttered, his eyes narrowing as he picked at the soles of his shoes.

“I fucking suck, I know,” Mercy repeated, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her lips. He scowled over at her, but said nothing. “Look, you’ve got to look at this from my point of view. I fell in love with a guy, then found out that I could never have a future with him. And then, I left it all behind. And I came here. Where I found you. Believe it or not Alex, you helped me cope. You picked up my broken pieces. I owe a lot to you Alex.”

“Then why is it not me in there, kissing you?” he mumbled.

Mercy bit at her bottom lip and she looked the opposite way, her chin going to her shoulder. Fuck, how was she supposed to answer that without hurting him? How in the world was she supposed to explain that to him? It would only devastate him. It would only make him feel worse about the situation at hand. And Mercy already felt like shit about hurting him in the first place.

“Because I don’t love you,” she whispered.

He turned abruptly, turned those sharp eyes on her. She turned slowly, facing him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand. Still, he said nothing. He looked as though he was waiting, as if he were expecting her to say something more on the subject. Mercy sighed heavily, squeezing her eyes shut. The words flitted through her head, but none seemed to sound right. And then, lyrics roared through her mind. She was so shocked, that she even whispered them aloud.

You're not in this alone
Let me break this awkward silence
Let me go, go on record
Be the first to say I'm sorry
Hear me out
And if you take me down
Would you lay me out
And if the world needs something better
Let's give them one more reason now

Alex furrowed his brows, confused. “What?”

Mercy shook her head. She didn’t think that the gorgeous lyrics written by Gerard would do much. But that’s exactly how she felt. And yes, she knew that it was originally written for 9-11. But it was perfect for how she felt. And it was enough to give her strength, strength to say what it was she needed to.

“Alex, you’re not the one for me. I’m not in love with you. I care about you, yes. But there’s a difference between loving and caring. You will always hold a spot in my heart though. Just know that. And one day, I hope that you realize that hurting you was not intentional. When that day comes, give me a call. I’d love to be your friend,” she said, squeezing his shoulder for a second before standing and making her way inside, to the party.

She wove her way through the crowds, searching for Frank. At the moment, she just wanted to go home. She no longer felt weak, but she felt tired. Exhausted. She needed to get some sleep. The first people she came across was Gerard and Ray, leaning against a wall, chatting. Mercy narrowed her eyes as she stomped over to Gerard. She stood in front of him, hands on hips.

Together, they stopped the conversation and turned towards her. And then, she kicked him hard. In the balls. The drink that had been in his hand dropped to the floor with a clatter as both of his hands went to his package, his face contorted against the pain. Slowly, he fell to the floor, curling up in a small ball. Ray started at her with wide eyes.

“Holy shit! Merc, what was that for?!”

She shrugged. “He said that if it wasn’t fun, I had permission to kick him in the balls. And so far, it hasn’t been fun. And now, I’m going home,” she said before turning and walking away.

Once more, she thrust herself in the sea of people. Glancing at a large grandfather clock in one of the hallways, it was reaching one o’clock in the morning. And none of these people looked like they were stopping yet. No one moved as she passed, clustering around her. Eventually, she found herself in the living room, amongst the dancing bodies. They swelled around her, closer and closer. It wasn’t long till she found herself caught up in the moving wave of people, unable to go anywhere. And people were too damn close for her comfort.

Mercy was officially tired, stuck, and flipping shit. She couldn’t turn without being face to face with someone, or face to back. They were sticking to her like fucking Velcro, and she was soon finding herself short of breath. Her body was shaking and she kept trying to push past people. However, the grinding bodies were like marble pillars. They weren’t going anywhere.

“Let me through, damn it!” she yelled, trying to go around one couple. However, another couple moved into the once empty space, blocking off her path. The music reverberated around the room, making her yells sound like whispers. The heavy bass was pounding in her ears. Her hands went up to cover her ears, attempting to muffle the noise around her. It didn’t help. At all.

Her blue eyes squeezed shut. Her blood was racing, her body almost racked with convulsions. She was uncomfortable. She couldn’t think straight. Dizziness was starting to course through her body, making her sway slightly. It was too much. She had to get out of here. She had to calm down.

Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets

Mercy screamed the words to ‘Demolition Lovers’, the song that held the most meaning to her, as they passed through her mind. She highly doubted that anyone could hear her over the music, but it was starting to calm her. At least, a little bit. She could feel the wave of dizziness start to ebb away, and she continued screaming. She hoped that it was enough. She hoped that someone found her. And soon.

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

**********Frank’s POV**********

After Mercy had left to chase after that idiot, Frank had met up with Bob. The two of them sat around a kitchen table, playing poker and drinking a few beers. He didn’t want to get drunk, but he damn sure wanted to get a buzz. Especially feeling the sting of rejection when Mercy had left him, standing by himself in the living room.

He knew that she probably didn’t mean it that way, but that’s how he fucking felt. He felt shitty for feeling that, but it was the truth. He knew that she loved him. Fuck, he loved her! But still. She could’ve blown Alex off and stayed with him. He had no idea why she would go after him in the first place. Of course, she hadn’t told him what had happened after he left her in the restaurant earlier that day. Obviously not good, from the way he reacted tonight.

Frank left the kitchen table and made his way through the house. He figured he’d find Mercy, and they’d go home. Hopefully. If she wasn’t off sucking Alex’s face.

Mercy would not do that!

He let out a low growl and shook his head, pissed off at himself for even thinking of that. As he got closer to the living room, the music became louder and louder. But there was something underneath the heavy beat of the music. Screaming. Familiar words, at that. And a familiar voice.

As lead rains, and pass on through
Our phantoms, forever, forever
Like scarecrows, that fuel this flame
We're burning, forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

Why in the world was Mercy screaming the lyrics to ‘Demolition Lovers’? His brow furrowed as he pushed through the crowds. It took him a few minutes, but finally, through a parting between people, he saw her. She stood in the sea of people, hands over her ears. Her eyes were clenched shut and he could see her swaying on her feet, as though she was fighting off dizziness. His hazel eyes went wide as he forced himself towards her.

As soon as he got to her, she collapsed. Frank dived, catching her in his arms as she went completely slack.