Give Me What I Need, Give Me A Reason To Believe

Rhian's POV

BANG, BANG, BANG.

"What the fuck?" Jimmy groans from next to me, I sigh and don't move. I was comfortably wrapped up in his arms and the covers, I wasn't planning on moving.

"RHIAN GET THE FUCK UP AND OPEN THIS DOOR!" Niki screams,

"Stupid bitch!" Jimmy mutters making me laugh.

"Don't be mean, she'll go in a minute," I sigh, I let my fingers run up his chest drawing invisible patterns over his body.

"JAMES OWEN SULLIVAN IF YOU'RE IN THAT FUCKING HOUSE I'LL KILL YOU!" Jimmy literally jumps off the bed.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" he goes completely pale and jumps off the bed searching for his clothes.

"Jimmy?" I sigh and he turns round instantly,

"Yep?" I try to say something but other images start run through my mind, I'd seen this all before, it was all to clear.

Flashback

"Sleep Hun," Jimmy whispers as I lay back on the bed.

"Wow!" I whisper quietly, he just chuckles and kisses my lips lightly.

"Was it worth the wait?" he smirks lying next to me, his arms wrapping round my waist.

"Defiantly," I smile at him "I love you, I'm glad you were my first," he just nods and captures my lips in a small kiss.

"Get some rest, I'll still be here in the morning," he adds, I just smile and turn on my side. Getting to sleep was easy.

I woke up before him, my fingers run across his arms studying the small scars that were over him. Scars from injections, from knifes, from stupid drunk accidents. I knew about the alcohol all the guys did it, Niki, Elizabeth and I as well. The drugs; that was different, Zack and Jimmy were into it, but Jimmy more than anyone else. He frequently suffered from lows and then highs; he frequently got himself in trouble with dodgy dealings and runs from the police. Yet still I loved him.

"Where are you going?" I ask groggily as Jimmy climbs out of the bed.

"Home," he says bluntly which seemed to bring me too life quite quickly,

"Why?" I ask fearing the answer.

"Cause I have to!" he states not looking at me.

"Are you okay? Do you regret it?" I ask hoping he'd say something, but nothing he didn't answer. He grabbed his jeans pulling them up and then his t-shirt. "Jimmy was I not good?" I ask feeling completely used.

"I've had better," he mutters walking out of my room shutting the door behind him. I sat there staring at the closed door; the phone suddenly going off brought me out of the daze.

"Hey Rhian is Jimmy there?" Taylor's voice comes through the phone.

"No," I whisper quietly tears falling "he's just left!"

"Where did he go?" Taylor asks obviously just a bit pissed off for some reason.

"I don't know, he just said he'd had better and then left," I cry down the phone. Taylor is silent, her last words:

"I'll fucking kill him!"

"Get out!" I whisper with some force behind my words.

"Trust me babe I plan on!" he jumps into his trousers and pulls his top over him.

"No I mean it fucking get out!" I can feel anger boiling up inside me; I'd been here before.

"Huh?" he looks at me.

"Jimmy leave now before I let her in here!"

"Rhian?" His eyes meet with mine and I see everything I'd seen before.

"Get out we shouldn't have done that!" he stares at me in complete confusion.

"I love you, you said you loved me?" I look at him and grab my jeans pulling them on quickly before walking down the stairs.

"DONT open the door!" he shouts but it's too late, Taylor runs through the door quickly followed by Niki who just hugs me tightly. She leads me into my living room as I hear Taylor screaming at her bother about being irresponsible, useless, and selfish and a lot of other things.

"It's my fault," I mutter to Niki as she sits on the sofa with me "I let him stay the night!"

"He's been here all night?" she asks but some how I think she expected it. I just nod and put my head in my hands.

"Alexia's being really difficult at the moment, well its not her fault but yeah I just needed help and Jimmy was here and then it just ended up with me in tears and this morning one thing lead to another and," I pause and look at Niki who smiles at me.

"you still love him?" she asks, I just shrug and turn as I hear the front door open Jimmy shout at Taylor and then Taylor slam the door.

"Stupid fucking prick is going to get what's coming to him one day!" she growls walking into the room, I look up at her and she just sighs.

"I'm sorry about him," I just shake my head she didn’t have to apologies for him.

"It's my fault as much as his, maybe even more," I sigh and then look at both of them "why are you here?"

"Alexia got sent home from school," Taylor mutters handing me a letter.

"Where is she?" I panic.

"With Elizabeth at work who, may I add is probably having a fit right now having too look after her on her own!" Taylor smirks, knowing Elizabeth would go mad if she got messy in any way, kids equal disgusting at times.

"I'll go get her," I mutter getting up but being pulled back down by Niki.

"What is going on with you?" Niki looks at me I just shrug making her glare at me.

"Seriously there's nothing going on I'm just going through a rough patch that's all, that's it, I'm fine!" I mutter not convincing one person it this room.

"We're having a girl's night in tonight you had to be there, your parents can look after Alexia, or Jimmy, or even Brian or anyone really. Just please come?" Taylor pleads making me feel slightly guilty I mean hadn't been out with the girls in ages.

"You don't need to think about it you have no choice!" Niki adds smiling broadly. "We're meeting at mine, Brian's going out, and he has no choice!" She smirks getting up

"Now Elizabeth's bringing Alexia home when she finishes, so don't panic. I'm going to go kill my brother and you are going to appear at Niki's house at 7pm!" Taylor tells me, I just nod folding my arms over my chest. "Oh and cheer up hun," she smiles hugging me tightly before letting herself out. Niki just stands their watching me.

"What?"

"You going to talk to him?" I just shrug and she sits back down.

"If you lose him your hate yourself for it, he's Alexia's father, he's your best friend, and lets face it you love him. Hun we are all here for you just like before but I honestly don't know if we can help you through like before Rhian if you lose him all over again I don't think your cope this time!" I know she's being deadly serious, I didn't cope last time, going through all that again just wouldn't work, and I would end up dead if I didn't do something about all of this now.

Four coffees, a really disgusting biscuit, an apple, and a hell of a lot of chewing gum later and I make it through another lecture. I was nearly dead, I felt shit, and everything had gone wrong today. Two of my students had dropped out, I was trying to sort a museum display which no one else wanted to do, I kept shaking every few seconds and the only thing through my mind the whole time was; I think I'm going to throw up. Last night I hadn't even drunk much and I felt so shit now it was unbelievable.

"Dr Atkins?"

"Yes?" I look as the head of my department walked in.

"Have you got those files for me?" she asks I stare blankly at her, "Rhian the files I gave you two days ago to finish up for me, I need them for the lecture this evening!"

"Oh," I pause looking round my office I knew exactly what she was talking about, I hadn't finished them, Jimmy had been round that night and everything had gone horrible wrong for the past few days so I just hadn't done them.

"Do you have them or not I need them right now?" she says a little louder, I felt like a student.

"I'll bring them down in a bit I just need to umm,"

"No I want them now, this just isn't good enough, and you've been like this for a few weeks now what is going one?" she snaps at me.

"Nothing I just need to finish them, I'm having a rough time," I say simply glaring at her, she roles her eyes.

"Maybe you should get some help with your daughter?"

"What?" I look up.

"Well it's obvious your not coping as a single parent we all feel the same!"

"We? I wasn't aware my private life was a matter of public discussion!" I couldn't believe this women some times, she was starting to annoy me.

"yes well Dr Atkins you have half an hour and then I want those files, no excuses I should have to ask for this to be done!" she roles her eyes, I hated being treated like a child and this women was doing a dam good job at being like that.

I did three more hours of solid work, no break, no food, no drink, no nothing, just pure work. I didn't do anything at all but write, type, read, highlight, and draw. By 6pm I'd finished everything for the two files, I still had my own work to get on with. I look over as my phones goes off again.

"Hello?" I groan dropping the pen onto the floor.

"Jimmy's phoned you five times why aren't you answering?" Elizabeth asks me.

"Because I've been working!"

"Rhian you finish at 5pm usually do you know its 7pm!"

"What?" I look over at the clock, it said 6, the computer it said 7.

"Shit I haven't picked her up, fuck!" I groan and get up swaying slightly. I grab my head as I feel the pain shooting through it.

"Rhian?"

"Yeah huh?"

"Are you okay? D'ya want Zack to pick Alexia up?"

"No, no it's fine I'm on my way; just message him to tell him for me?"

"Will do. And hoe,"

"Yep?"

"Take a break!" she says simply putting the phone down. I sigh and grab my stuff shoving it into my work bag. I left some of my work on the desk the rest went in folders which I could take home and finish. I hated being behind, I was a work-aholic, simple really.

"Bye Dr Atkins!" one of the caretakers smiles as I walk past him.

"Night Ted" I look up, he watches me for a few seconds.

"Dr Atkins are you okay, you're looking a little pale?" I just nod.

"Just need to get some rest honest!" I smile at him, he nod and watches me leave the building, and obviously I hadn't fooled him either. As I stepped in my car I flicked the radio on and took a deep breath in, the music played softly, Why does it always rain on my? By Travis, I smile slightly; I knew how the guy singing it felt. I pull out of the university car park, driving past the museum, and on my way to Jimmy's I'd gone this route so many times I didn't even think, my mind wondered. As soon as I started thinking about other things I knew I shouldn't.