P.S. I Hate You

The rest of the day was perfect. We didn’t argue or fight. It was like we're actually friends. Or maybe something more. Once we got home we didn’t argue about the bed like we usually did. In fact I woke up in his arms. That time I had no absolute problem with.

James drove me to school and went to his class. I went to my locker and picked up my books that I needed.

“Guess who?” I heard that gorgeous British voice that I’ve grown so fond to.

I smiled and closed my locker. “Hey Terrance.” Terrance smiled back and took the books from my hand. Even though I’ve told him that we needed to stop seeing each other, I’m sure he still liked me. That I was a hundred percent fine with. There was still something in me that was totally attracted to him. Maybe it was his accent or his beautiful face.

“So how was your weekend with James?” He asked.

“Surprisingly okay. Well at first it was horrible. Then yesterday was wonderful. We were actually nice to each other and then the night before and yesterday, there was this moment. It was so amazing.” I sighed and smiled.

Terrance looked at me and put on a fake smile. “So I’m guessing you actually fancy James now, eh?” He asked me as we stopped in front of my class.

I took my books from him and shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ll tell you all about it later. Bye!” I gave him a quick hug and walked into the class room and took a seat in the very back next to Meghan. I smiled at her and she smiled back.

“So you and James still on sweetheart island.” She winked at me and I instantly blushed.

“I guess if you want to call it that. Surprisingly he actually let me sit in the front seat with him today.”

“And there was no yelling wake up call? Cold shower? Even an insult?” She gasped then chuckled.

I laughed too and shook my head, “Well he did call me a tease when I told him we couldn’t shower together.”

“Oh sweet Ever!” She put her hand on her heart, “I think you guys might actually make it through this.” She winked again and turned forward when the bell rang.

James walked in class late as per usual with Gavin and Madiline.

“Hey.” I said and smiled at James as he sat down.

He just looked at me and turned his head. “What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“You is what’s wrong Ever. Its always you.” He answered, but didn’t look at me.

“James what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

I shook my head and started to reply, but the teacher said, “Ms. Manning if your done with your conversation, could I please teach now.”

Dazed and confused I just nodded my head and slumped in my seat.

James and I just keep getting closer for one of us to push each other further apart. Then realization hit me. This could never work. James was to damn stubborn to even be nice. Then again I was far to controlling and damaged to have an actual relationship.

Time was lost. I didn’t understand the homework at all. The bell rang and I rushed out of class. Terrance waited outside so we could walk to gym together.

“How was class with you and your lover?” He asked with a wink.

“Don’t even ask. It wasn’t even worth it. Everything was just a lie.” I shook my head and walked to the gym with Terrance following after me. I couldn’t wait till the end of the day to get to the bottom line of this.

*~*~*~*~*

Terrance gave Meghan and me a ride home. As soon as the final bell rang, James was no where to be found. Typical of him.

“Do you have any clue as to why James is acting the way he is?” I asked Meghan before we got in the car with Terrance and Gavin. Gavin lived fairly close to Terrance so they always rode together.

“No clue dear. He tells me nothing about his personal life. You have a better chance by asking Gavin or Terrance.” She said getting in the back seat. I followed her in.

“Gavin, Terrance, do you guys have any clue to this?” I asked them.

“Nope. Not one bit. I haven’t talked to him all evening.” Terrance said.

Gavin shrugged, “No, but he’s been depressed like all day. And he keeps being all crabby, like a teenage girl on her period.”

I glared at Gavin in the rearview mirror. All he did in return was smirk. I rolled my eyes. Soon enough we were in front of the house. Meghan climbed out and I did the same. Gavin rolled down his window and I leaned into the window.

“Tell me what goes on later?” Terrance asked. I nodded my head. “Good. Talk to you later?” I nodded again and smiled at the two boys.

I was about to turn away and go in the house when Gavin called my name. I turned around and he said, “We know that James can be an asshole. And We all know that I can be an asshole too sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Terrance and I said in unison and chuckled a bit.

“Okay, most of the time. But, even though it may not seem like it at times, we all care about you. Terrance, James, and me. And although Terrance and I are best friends with James, we can’t stand to see another one of his girls breakdown just from the sweet little lies he tells.”

Terrance breathed, “So all we can say is… good luck?”

“Aww! Thank you guys!” I squealed and jumped in the window to give Gavin a hug. I ran around the car and gave one to Terrance also. “That’s like the sweetest thing anyone has said to me since I’ve came here.”

“Hey! What about the things I’ve said?” Terrance yelled.

I smiled, “Okay the second sweetest.”

“That’s what I thought. Well what are you standing here for? Go find out what’s wrong!” Terrance yelled at me and geared the car. I stuck my tongue out and walked up to the house. I walked in and slammed the door. I threw my bag down and marched up the stairs.

I stomped into our room only to find Kim cleaning a very messy room. “What the hell happened here?” I asked.

“I don’t even know. James came home and started throwing things and yelling. Then he yelled at me and told me to clean the mess.” Kim said looking sad.

“Oh God. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry Kim. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m going to-”

Kim interrupted me with a smile, “Its okay. I’m used to it.”

“Okay. But I’m helping you clean this up when I get back. Where is James anyway?” I asked.

“He said he’ll be in the study.”

I said goodbye to Kim and walked down the hall and into the study. I didn’t even bother knocking. I went in.

“What is wrong with you? You say all those nice things. You do all those nice things. You even flirt with me. To what? Throw it all away and start from scratch? You didn’t even talk to me today at school. No smart remarks. Nothing. You’re so damaged that you come home and trash the room and yell at Kim to clean up? Just because you pay her doesn’t mean she’s your maid for life.” I yelled at James as soon as I went in. I wasn’t even done. Nothing close to done.

There was a long silence. James stood up from the chair. “You’re calling me damaged? You’re the one whose a fucking wreck!” He yelled.

I was shocked. But I didn’t let that show. I needed to be the strong one. The one who didn’t let things come to her. I centered myself. “Me? A wreck? Have you seen yourself.”

“Don’t you dare turn this all on me Ever.”

“What are you talking about?” I shook my head, “Can we please just start this off with telling me what’s going on here?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know.” I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. “Madiline told me. She told me everything. That you were only still doing this whole arrangement for the fame. That all you wanted was money. That-” I stopped him right there.

“You would actually believe Madiline? I don’t want fame. I don’t want money. I already had everything I’ve ever wanted! You think I would actually want any of this? You believe that I actually want to get married to you? Without my fucking choice?” I yelled at him. He shrugged and looked away from me. “Well I don’t. I don’t want your damn money, or your fucking fame, or this shitty engagement. All I want is my life back with my best friend and a healthy family. And what I got was a douche fiancée and a life I don’t even want!

“Then again you're so selfish, to even thing about how I feel. If I even wanted this. Do I even care. I was dragged away from everything I ever wanted. Now, you give me this shit.” By now tears were coming down my face. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to cry, but it was just one of those things you have to do.

“I chose you.” He shook his head.

Shocked, I stepped forward and dried my face. “What are you talking about you chose me?”

He cleared his throat. “I had two choices. Between you and Katrina Goldenberg. I had to choose between a life of fun and parties and a life of being serious. I needed to be serious to be king. I chose you. All I ever wanted in life was to be king. You helped me get to that. And I’ve been so shitty to you. And you are the reason why all my dreams are going to come true. All I’ve done is been a douche to you!” He shook his head and looked down at his shoes. He then looked at me and took me by the shoulders. “I am so sorry.”

“We’ve been through all of this. Every time we get closer. One of us pushes the other away. Its like you should have chosen Katrina.”

“Let’s give this a try. It might not work out. But hey, who said marriage was forever?”

“I though I was to emotionally damaged…”

I thought I actually saw tears in his eyes. Then he smiled and said. “We’re both damaged. Maybe we’ll fix each other.”