P.S. I Hate You

“Finally home.” Amber sighed and collapsed on the couch in the living room. Its been a week and a half since Ambers been here. We’ve spent all our time planning the wedding together, going wine testing, interviews, cake tasting, and more things then someone like me could handle.

Amber was going home tomorrow. I really wanted to go with her to see my father. He couldn’t travel due to all the treatments and chemo for his brain cancer. He was still strongly fighting, but seemed to do worse everyday. It pained me that I couldn’t see the first man I ever loved in his much time of need.

I knew he wanted me to go on with this ridiculous wedding. Sure James and I were on terms that were close to boyfriend and girlfriend, but I still couldn’t grasp around it. I stay here to do what my dad wanted me to do.

“I thought I was going to die.” I said to her. Forgetting everything I was thinking about. Amber nodded in agreement. Kim came through the kitchen door with two lemonades.

“Oh my goodness! Thank you so much Kim, you’re such a doll.” Amber said, quickly taking the lemonade from Kimberly.

Kim carefully sat on the table in front of the couch. “I was thinking we could take a dip in the pool while Mary is out and I could relax.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Amber stood up and put her empty glass on the table. “I’ll go put on my bikini.” Amber turned to leave to her room. Suddenly she turned around and looked at me, “Make sure Gavin comes over.” She winked and hurried up the stairs.

I smiled and shook my head. I followed Amber up the stairs but went into my room. I entered my closet and started to change into my bikini. I heard the door open and the voice of three boys. Excited, I started to put on my bikini bottoms faster.

“How am I even supposed to know, Terrance?” I heard James scream at one of his best friends. I stopped tying my bikini together and slowly cracked the sliding door of the closet open. A crack small enough for me to not be seen or heard. I watched as Gavin sat on the couch against the wall, James sat on the bed with his head in his hands, and Terrance standing directly in front of James.

“You just feel it.” Terrance muttered. “I would know mate, I felt it with the same girl you’re falling in love with now.”

James looked up at Terrance with tears in his eyes. Something I’m sure I would never see again. “But you know about love. You know how it feels to actually be loved and to actually love someone. I’m just a cold heartless lad who could care less about a girls feelings.”

“That’s not true,” Gavin spoke up from the couch, “If you were to break Ever’s heart right now you would be the one on your knees begging for forgiveness. You care about her and we all know it. You the one who’s caught up in your own selfish world to think about anyone else.”

“Well maybe I am falling for Ever. Maybe I would do anything for her. Maybe I am a selfish bloke who doesn’t care for anyone else. Maybe all those things might be true. But I know one thing is correct. I’m a heartbreaker. I play girls for sex and leave them like a used tissue on the road. Its only a matter of time before I stop having feelings for her and leave her the same as all the others.” James muttered and placed his head in his hands and began to sob once again.

“You won't do the same if you love her…” Terrance drifted off. Obviously knowing more about James, then James did himself.

“I just wish I wasn’t a prince and Ever was another one of those girls that I could forget about easily.” James managed to say through sobs.

I didn’t want to hear anymore. I staggered backward and ran into the back wall of the closet. I slid down the wall and began to silently sob myself. Just when I thought we were getting on good terms he has to screw over everything again. Just when I didn’t mind marrying James Jones he has to ruin everything again.

I didn’t even want to listen to the rest of their conversation. I knew James never cared for me. All he wants to do is become king. All he ever wanted to do was become king. If he had his way I’m sure he would throw me away and choose another girl to marry. Or marry me and have his way, never actually knowing me or speaking to me.

Today I’ll cry in the back of my closet and never come back out. I’ll just disappear and never exist, just like James always wanted. But I’ll have to come back, for my dad, for my mom, for England. Its not like I wanted to though.

*~*~*~*~*

That night I packed my bags and left with Amber the next day. Back home to my father, my friends, and my old life. Of course I couldn’t stay here forever like I wished to. I could only stay till Mary demanded me back. She didn’t know I left. I told mom a little white lie to let me come home. All I want was to visit Dad. All I ever wanted was my life back. And I could get it for a week if no one knew where I was.

Today was the third day I was home and Mary called, demanding I come back to Alabama by the end of the week. If I didn’t, the press would eat me alive. Better to be eaten alive then to be unwanted by one you thought you might like.

I avoided James at all costs. Amber’s been talking to him. Almost every night.

“He says he’s sorry and you didn’t even hear the rest of their conversation Ever. He told me he really does have feelings for you and if he could do this all over again you wouldn’t be here by yourself but with you in his arms.” Amber told me one night. He might be telling the truth. I never know anymore. Every time something goes right with us it all come crashing back down hill after that.

The last time James called, about an hour ago, I answered and listened to him say how sorry he was. I didn’t say anything. He talked for twenty minutes about how much he missed me. I hung up and sat down next to my dad and watched television with him. I forgot about everything. Except the fact that Daddy had cancer. That just made my whole world crumble back down.