P.S. I Hate You

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too,” I whispered to James then gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. We heard the door slam and quickly turned our heads toward the noise.

“Shit!” James muttered and pushed me off the bed. I collided with the white carpet. I grunted and looked up at my fiancé. ‘What the actual fuck?’ I mouthed to myself as James rustled around with the sheets to cover his partial naked body.

I got up from the floor and walked towards my closet to put on appropriate clothing. “When are you going to tell them?” Since James and I didn’t find it the right time to tell Terrance he still hasn’t told Gavin. About us. The only people who really knew was Kim and Amber.

“When Terrance doesn’t love you anymore.” I looked at James in the eyes before I closed the closet door. He and I both knew that was near to impossible. The boy was head over heels. I couldn’t help to say that I might still like him a little.

I sighed and closed the door, just as Terrance and Gavin walked through the door. I put on a simple red Laguna Beach tee-shirt I’d gotten a few years ago in California and a pair of shorts. I looked in the mirror on the back of my door. My returned red hair was messy and frizzy, the outfit I wore looked like I was a twelve year old. I sighed. This will do for the rest of the day.

I opened the closet door and saw James in the place where I’d left him, but he was sitting up and his chest was exposed. Gavin sat on the bed with James with his legs crossed and Terrance on the couch.

Terrance’s figure instantly straightened once he noticed me. “Hey Ever.” He said, trying to act nonchalantly. I smiled and waved. “How are you?” He asked.

“Great. And you Terry?” I said smiling and grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I stood next to Gavin and he put his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m okay.” He said, glaring at Gavin’s arm, not muttering a word about it. I could feel James’ hot gaze on my back. I moved a bit, feeling the slight discomfort in the room.

“You look beautiful today.” He stated. I smiled and touched my sex hair. I heard James chuckle. I rolled my eyes.

“Well…” I said exaggerating the word a bit, “I’ll be outside.”

I hurried out the door and once I was finally out I let out the air I’d been holding in since I walked out the closet.

“Wait Ever!” I heard a familiar voice say. I turned and saw Gavin heading down the stairs after me. I smiled at him once he neared me. “I cant stand the tension in there.” I nodded my head with a smile and continued down the stairs. “One day those two are going to claw each others eyes out.” I nodded and laughed. We all knew nothing was the same between the James and Terrance once James found out about us. Although I never knew why, James didn’t like me at the time.

I was heading outside when Gavin grabbed my wrist. I turned around with a questionable look on my face. “When are you going to tell him?” He asked. My breath caught in my throat. Oh God, he knew. Somehow he knew about James and I. And I could tell by the look on his face, if I didn’t tell Terrance soon, he would.

I looked down as Gavin let go of my wrist. I didn’t meet eye contact as I replied, “When he’s ready to accept the truth.”

Gavin stomped his foot down like a toddler and sat down on the island. “Ever! Don’t you get it? This is Terrance we’re talking about. He’ll never accept the truth. He’ll always think that there’s hope for you two. And if you don’t tell him, and soon, he will always have hope.”

I nodded and sighed, sitting next to Gavin. “Gavin, what am I going to do?” I rested my head on his shoulder and his arm automatically went around my shoulder.

“What you’re going to do it hang out with Terrance all day. Make him happy. Be his friend. Blah blah blah. Then once he brings you home tell him.”

“Butter him up and then give him the worse news he’s probably ever heard?” I asked. That’s exactly how I felt when Mom told me that Dad was sick. I couldn’t have been anymore happy at the party, until James ruined my fun as he always does. Then boom, she dropped it on me like it was nothing.

“It’s the only way I can think of without him getting too mad. Try telling him good news afterwards or something. Think of something. You’re Ever Manning. I know you’ve got something good cooked up in your sleeve somewhere.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Why do you always think its okay to make fun of me?” I asked Terrance and laughed, remembering when during the movie he made fun of the way I screamed like a little girl. I insisted on watching a chick flick. But he bought the tickets and tricked me into watching a horror film.

Terrance and I made our way up the stairs of the Jones’ home and into my room that I share with James. I fell onto the bed and looked down at Terrance sitting at the foot of the bed, near my legs.

“Only because its hilarious to watch you mad.” He chuckled, answering my earlier question. I sat up on the bed and sighed. I guess I should tell him. But I don’t want to tell him. Well I guess its better I tell him than Gavin.

“What’s on your mind, Manning?” He asked, using my last name. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Can I tell you something?” I asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat when he shook his head. I spoke as fast as I could to avoid award silence that was bound to come never the less. “Well, I think I love James because that one day after the interview when we went to the hotel and we couldn’t get into the right hotel and he was mad at me. And then I took a shower and Amber packed my things and she packed me lingerie so I had to ask James for a shirt and when we went to sleep he was kind of sort of drunk but not really drunk and told me he loved me and then we kind of sort of… had sex?” I spoke one hundred miles fast.

I panted and looked Terrance in the eyes. His emotions were untold. I started to hyperventilate. “Anything?” He shook his head and looked down at his lap. “Something?” I yelled. He shook his head again. Great! I knew he’d hate me forever if I told him.

“What do you want me to say Ever?” He asked, looking hurt. “Do you want me to say that I still love you and I don’t want you to marry that asshole. Its kind of too late for that. I mean you’re forced to marry the guy. I cant change your mind because you’re in love with him. You went to him when I’ve been waiting her all along in love with you. When he just fell in love with you what? A month ago. Ever this is bull shit. I love you and I know somewhere deep inside that you still have feelings for me.

“But instead you go for that dick James Jones that says he loves you but is doing it for the crown.” I shook my head and shut my eyes close tight. No, I knew that wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. James told me himself that it wasn’t. I took a deep breath as the stinging tears threatened to come through.

“I had no choice,” My voice cracked and I knew I was crying even though I couldn’t feel the tears reach my cheeks. “I have to marry him. I have to fall in love with him. Its not like it was my choice who I fall in love with.”

Terrance shook his head. I looked at his face and into his bloodshot eyes. “Everyone has a choice. Its your life. Do what you want.”

With that he stood up and turned to leave. I got up from the bed and grabbed his arm. “Please. Don’t leave like this. I want to know if you’ll ever be there for me?” I asked.

He looked at my hand on his arm and shook me off. “I’ll always be there for you Ever.” He gave me a broken smile. I couldn’t bring myself to fake a single smile. Terrance looked up at the ceiling and then meet my eyes again.

“One last kiss? For old times sake?” He asked with a smile. I sighed and reached on my tippy toes to give the boy one last kiss. He grabbed my waist and kissed back. I pushed him once it got too heated. I backed away and looked at the carpet.

“Goodbye Ever.” Without another word Terrance closed the door behind him.

“Goodbye Terrance…”