Breathe Me

“Are you really that nervous?”

I scowl at Kristopher, who's watching me with a diverted grin. He grabs one of my trembling hands in his calm one and directs his attention back to the road in front of us. The feeling of my hand in his is comforting, but it still doesn't ease my nerves entirely. We were arriving closer and closer to the airport, and I felt like my heart was just going to rip right out of my chest.

“Just a little.” I mutter sarcastically.

The rest of the car ride is silent with the exception of the radio playing some Metallica song and the sound my knee bouncing anxiously. I've never had to meet someone's mother or father in my life, just the thought of it was distressing.

“I have a little advice for you,” Kris says when he drives through the entrance of the Pittsburgh National Airport, I look at him expectantly, “why don't you try to actually breathe before you suffocate yourself?”

I let out a breath that I didn't even know I had been holding in as he pulls up in front of one of the terminals. He checks his cell phone real quick, making sure her plane has landed already.

“Is that her?” I point to an older woman who's waving excitedly at our car.

He laughs, “Yeah, that's her.”

I exhale deeply as we both exit the car, my face feels warm and my feet feel like pudding as I make my way over to where the mother and son are hugging. The scene instantly warms my heart, and a pang of jealousy strikes through my chest. I notice the tears of complete and utter joy in his mother's eyes, and I wish my mom and I could be like that. I promptly neglect the digressive thought, this isn't about me, it's about Kristopher being happy.

Standing there with his mother, he sure does look happy.

“Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you Sophia!” Her English might be barely understandable to some, but I easily comprehend what she's saying. She pulls me into a tight hug, and it takes me by surprise, but I quickly return the embrace. I glance up, and I see the biggest smile on Kris' face. It's the first time in my life that I can even recall being hugged by a mother, I'm not even sure if my own mother ever hugged me.

“See Kris, I told you to stop dating those fake blondes, and what happens? You find a sweet girlfriend who isn't completely obnoxious! You should listen to your mother more often.” She playfully teases Kris, and I laugh at his embarrassed face.

She turns to me, “My name is Christiane, but you can call me whatever you want.”

“It's nice to finally meet you, Christiane. Kristopher talks an awful lot about you and your cooking.” I giggle when Kris lightheartedly throws a glare in my direction.

“Oh that boy would! I have seen him empty a refrigerator so many times. He eats all of that food and somehow doesn't gain any weight.”

Kris rolls his eyes and hops into the driver's seat, I decide to let Christiane sit in the passenger seat so they can talk to each other and catch up on what's going on.

“Mom, I'm an athlete. We gain weight and work out until it's muscle.”

I shake my head when he glances at me through the rear view mirror, “I guess you should start working harder, all that food might go to your butt and you'll end up like Sidney.”

He frowns and flicks on his left blinker, “Don't even joke about that, it's not funny.”

The rest of the car ride is filled with jokes at Kris' expense, and Christiane informing Kris on what's been going on in his hometown. I wonder where Kris gets his personality from, because he sure doesn't get it from his mother. Christiane is just so extroverted and talkative, whereas Kris prefers to listen and stay quiet. I stare out the window where little droplets of rain trickle down the glass, the rain has a calming effect on me, and a sudden wave of inexplicable relaxation washes over my soul and cleanses all of the stress away that I had been previously feeling.

“-Right Sophia?”

My head snaps up as I scarcely catch the ending of Kristopher's sentence, “I'm sorry, what did you say? I got distracted.” I say with a blush.

He smirks, “I was telling my mom how great of an artist you are.”

I blush even harder, “I-uh... I wouldn't say that-”

Kris scoffs, “That's like saying Gretzky wasn't a good hockey player.”

I roll my eyes, “I hope you know how ridiculous you are sometimes.”
****
“I apologize on Sophia's behalf for any bad words that she might, and probably will use during the game. She hates the Capitals with a burning passion.” I ramble as I walk with my mom down the long corridor.

“My son is a hockey player, I think Sophia's words won't be nearly as bad as your potty mouth.” My mother scolds me, and I feel like a 5 year old who has just gotten in trouble for sneaking into the cookie jar.

We both freeze in our tracks when we turn a corner and take in the scene in front of us. Max and Pascal are off to the side and watching as Jordan and Sophia argue profusely over something undignified. Jordan is waving one of her shoes over his head as Sophia tries to unsuccessfully retrieve it. Even when she hops up and tries to snatch it from his grasp, she still can't reach it.

“Jordan, give Sophia back her shoe”

My mom raises her eyebrows at my firm tone.

Jordan pouts, “But I-”

“Jordan...”

He sighs dramatically, “Fine, but only because I feel bad for your lack of height.” He hands her shoe back and she slides it on her foot clumsily, trying to stand on one leg.

Her blue eyes narrow, “Well not everyone can be a giant like you!”

“Well the world would be a better place if everyone was exactly like me.”

“Oh please,” she snorts, “I don't think you understand how terrifying that would be.”

“No way! Then there would be enough Jordan Staal for all of the women in the world.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and Max grabs him by the collar of his jersey and shoves him into the locker room.

You know the world is coming to an end when Max Talbot is trying to get Jordan Staal to stop being so immature.

Pascal gives Sophia a hug, and she wishes him good luck on tonight's game against the Capitals. She greets a few of the other guys that she now knows as her family. She pouts when Brent Johnson gives her a hug and rubs his fist around on her head, giving her a noogie and messing up her hair in the process. After she's done wishing all of the guys good luck she finally turns to me and smiles.

“I think I'll leave you two alone, good luck on the game Kristopher. I'm proud of you no matter what happens.” She kisses my cheek and I feel my face heat up.

“merci maman” I respond quiescently. Her words mean a lot to me, and my determination is suddenly ignited by a tiny little spark.

“I'll save you the seat next to me sweetie.” She says to Sophia when she turns around and makes her way to her designated spot.

We both wait until we are completely alone, and Sophia speaks, “You're nervous.”

It's not even a question, she just knows.

The laces of my skates slip through my fingers and fall to the ground with a small thump, “I just don't want to disappoint you and my mom.”

“Oh Kris,” she gives me a reassuring smile and wraps her arms around my torso, “you could never disappoint me.”

I enfold my arms securely around her, it must be uncomfortable for her with all of my equipment and pads, but she doesn't complain.

She frowns when I pull away, “I have something for you.” I mutter anxiously.

Her eyebrows shoot up when I lift up my jersey and reach into my hockey pants, “Uh, I don't think that's the-”

I pull out a black box with a silver bow on top of it, “I was going to give this to you for your birthday in a few weeks, but I thought I should give it to you now since it means so much to me, and my mom told me that now would be a good time, I mean since you're all stressed out.”

I grab her hand and place the box in the center of her palm, “Open it.”

She glances up at me nervously but snaps the top open anyways, “Kristopher”

Tears fill her eyes as she pulls the chain out of the diminutive box. At the end of the chain there's a white gold heart pendant that has two diamonds in prong settings in the centre of the heart. It's barely noticeable, but on the inside of the heart, right where it curves on the left side, there's an engraving that reads 'c'est tout ce '.

“It was my grandma's, when she passed away my mom let me keep it and told me to give it to the first girl I fall in love with... wow, that was extremely cheesy.” I slap my hand against my face, and she giggles through her tears.

I watch silently as she pulls the long chain over her head, the pendant falls right in between her breasts. She plays with the heart in between her fingers, her blue eyes gazing down at the piece of precious jewelry.

“You like it?”

“It's beautiful Kristopher,” she places an affectionate kiss on my lips, “thank you.”

I sigh, “I should probably go now, we only have an hour until the game starts.”

She nods, “I believe in you Kristopher, go out there and fight your hardest like you always do.”

I kiss her once more before making my way to the locker room, I catch one last glimpse of her walking away, one of my jerseys swallows her petite frame, but she doesn't care.

She wears the jersey with pride, and I'm not about to take that away from her.
****
“Oh come on! What kind of bullshit call was that?!” I groan furiously and collapse back into my seat as Craig Adams enters the penalty box. He stares up at the jumbo-tron, shaking his head angrily at the replay.

The score is 3-3, and with two minutes left in the third period, it already looks like it's going into overtime. Christiane is ranting nervously to herself and every time one of the players for the Capitals gets even close to Fleury she grabs my arm, and nearly rips it out of my socket. The whole audience erupts in jeers when Max gets a brutal elbow to the head from Mike Green. The arena is eerily silent as Max attempts to pick himself up from the unforgiving ice. Mike is already being escorted into the penalty box for a 5 minute penalty, and that gives everyone in the arena something to be happy about.

“Wow, what a trooper.” I hear Christiane murmur over the cheers of the crowd when Max gets up. He skates off the ice, obviously still shaken up by the hit.

“Alright, 4 on 4, you got this guys.” I whisper anxiously to myself. Vero, who's sitting on my other side, grabs my hand and squeezes the life from it. I barely even notice, I'm so nervous and I can't even imagine how much pressure is suddenly piled on to Flower's shoulders.

“Come on Kris!” I yell out when he gets a hold of the puck. Everyone in the arena is on their feet as Kris passes the puck to James Neal, who shoots it in Holtby's direction. I don't even comprehend what happens next, but when the loud buzzer resonates throughout the arena, and everyone is cheering, I realize the Penguins have scored with only 20 seconds left in the game. The last 20 seconds pass by without any problems, and the crowd is going crazy when the game officially ends, and the Penguins have beat the Capitals.

Christiane and Vero are suddenly hugging me while jumping up and down, “Come on! Let's go see the guys.” Vero grabs Christiane's hand and drags her towards one of the many exits. I stand there for a few more minutes, watching as all of the guys finish celebrating their big win, and file off the ice. Kris is last to go in, he waits for Flower to do their traditional end-of-the-game-celebration handshake. Before he exits off the ice, he catches my eye and instantly grins. I return the gesture, and quickly turn around on my heel, making my way through the crowd and earning a few high fives from fans who are wearing the same jersey as me. I finally arrive to the entrance that's only for for players and people with passes, the security guard already knows who I am and lets me through.

I glance around the empty corridor, there's only a few security guards roaming around.

“Hey Sophie,” Most of them greet me, and I'm kind of surprised they already know my name and who I am. It makes me feel like I belong here more.

I look over my shoulder, and when I realize that no one is around, I break into a sprint. Maybe it's all the cotton candy I've hand, or all of the Dr. Peppers I have drank, whatever it is I have no idea why I'm so excited. A few Caps players who just happen to be passing by give me odd looks, and I hear one of them whisper, “Penguins' fans are kind of weird”.

I turn a corner, and quickly slow down when I notice Mario Lemieux and Ray Shero conversating right outside the locker room, and I try not to get nervous. I've only met Mario on a few occasions, and I still hadn't gotten used to talking to the legend that I idolized as a little girl.

Both of the men are all smiles like they usually are after a good game.

“Hello Mr. Lemieux, Mr. Shero.” I greet both of them.

“Sophia,” they both nod at me and Ray speaks up again, “You can go in there and see Pascal and Kris, Dan finished talking to them a few minutes ago.”

I nod and push open the double doors with the Penguins' logo adorned on the front. The room is rambunctious as the whole team celebrates. Even Sidney and Geno, who are out on injuries, are congratulating everyone. Pascal sees me from his spot on the bench, and instantly grins. I watch as he throws a gum wrapper at Kris' head, who's currently being interviewed by numerous reporters.

“Where did Vero and Christiane go?” I ask Pascal.

“Restroom; you know how women always have to go everywhere in groups.” He answers, rolling his eyes.

We're both quiet for a few moments until Pascal speaks up again, “He finally gave you that necklace, eh?”

“You knew about it?”

“For a few weeks,” he shrugs, “He was really nervous and wasn't sure if you would like it so he came to me.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that anything he gave you, you would love it, because that's just how you are. You've never received much as a child, so whenever you get a gift from someone, you cherish it.”

I gnaw on the inside of my cheek as I take his words in. I glance around the room, and realize I'm the only female in here. Some of the guys gaze at me, wondering when I was going to leave so they could change.

Pascal hugs me, “I think that's your cue to go wait outside kiddo.”

I blush and hug him back, “Can you tell Kristopher I'll be waiting in the car?”

“Will do.”

I stand up and walk towards the exit, smiling at Kristopher in the process. He tries to inconspicuously wink at me, but it looks more like he has a piece of dirt in his eye.
****
“Will that be all for you folks tonight?”

I glance at Kristopher who raises his eyebrows at me. After the game was over and he had showered and dressed in his suit, he had promised to take us both out to dinner. We all ate until we were stuffed, and even though he already knows that even after a large plate of spaghetti and ravioli, I'm definitely not too stuffed for dessert. I've never been shy when it comes to eating in front of people, but sitting across from Christiane, I felt very nervous.

Screw it.

“Can I have a slice of the cheesecake with strawberries on top?”

The waiter smiles, “Of course, I'll be back in a few minutes.”

He walks away, leaving the three of us alone at the table. Christiane and Kris talk amongst themselves about the game and other topics. I stay out of their conversation and focus on one of the flat screen TV's that's hanging on one of the walls across from me. They're showing a recap of tonight's game, and talking about Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin and when they might return.

“Have you talked to your dad at all?”

I cautiously grab his hand in mine when I feel him tense up next to me. I'm shocked that his mom would ask that question at dinner, but she doesn't seem to notice.

“I left a voice mail.” He states simply, obviously not wanting to talk about the delicate topic. I don't know much about Kris' dad, only that they talk twice a year and they don't get along too well. He didn't like talking about the subject, he just chose to ignore it.

“Kris, maybe you should--”

“Mom,” Kris sighs and rubs his left temple with his thumb, “not in front of Sophia, okay?”

The waiter interrupts the tense conversation and places a slice of cheesecake in front of me, the dessert is adorned with strawberries and whipped cream. I quickly dig in, knowing I'll regret it tomorrow when Kris and I go on our Sunday morning jog around the neighborhood.

“I need to use the restroom” Kris mutters. He presses a kiss to my cheek as I stuff a strawberry into my mouth. I glance up at him, now worried, but he gives me a reassuring smile, wordlessly telling me that everything is fine.

“Can I ask you something?”

I decide not to be a smart ass, and point out the fact that she just did ask me something.

“Sure.”

“Why do you love him?”

The question surprises me, not because of how spontaneous and unexpected it is, but because of how it makes me feel. So many ways I could answer the simple question: because he makes me feel safe and he protects me, he makes me feel beautiful, when I'm with him I always feel a sense of inexplicable happiness, he always makes me spaghetti when I'm having a bad day, his random kisses during the middle of the night, his crooked smirk.

I could write a whole novel on reasons why I love Kristopher Letang.

“He makes me feel like there's a reason for living,” I hesitate before continuing, “when I came to Pittsburgh, I was at the lowest point in my life, I had hit rock bottom. I didn't see the point in living anymore, I just wanted to die and I constantly felt sorry for myself and what had happened to me. Then I met Kristopher, and he showed me what love is like. He's always been there to comfort me and pull me through everything, and he has shown me nothing but love. I've never had a stable place to live, a place to really call home, but when I'm with Kristopher, I am home. For the first time in my life I'm allowed to just be... me.”

Christiane's eyes are filled with tears by the end of my answer, “I'm so glad you two met, I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. It's the happiest I've seen him in years, as a mother there is nothing I want more than to see my child happy.”

“Thank you.” I whisper, and I'm surprised she hears it.

“For what?”

“For raising such an amazing man.”

She offers me a watery smile and pats the top of my hand.

“What are you two talking about?” Kris asks suspiciously when he arrives back to the table a few minutes later.

“Nothing.” Christiane and I answer at the same time, trying to act innocent without any prevail.

Kristopher shakes his head with a smile, and pulls out his wallet when the waiter comes back with the cheque. I rest my head on his shoulder, taking in the intoxicating scent of cologne and body wash.

“I love you.” I murmur quietly.

He wraps his arm securely around my waist, “I love you too, Sophie.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see Christiane smiling to herself as she watches the two of us together.