Breathe Me

“What about this one Duper?” I asked for the 50th time since we had gotten here.

“Hmm no...he's just not Sophie’s type” He replied back,looking into one of the cages where a little puppy was happily running around.

Pascal had dragged me to one of Pittsburgh's many animal shelter's,claiming he wanted to adopt a puppy for Sophia as a Christmas present. We had already shopped for his kids,which he also dragged me along with him,despite my protests. Pascal was a woman when it came to shopping,once he started there was no stopping him. He had told me to get into the Christmas spirit though,saying that Sophia doesn't want a scrooge of a boyfriend. I had rolled my eyes,trying to tell him that I wasn't Sophia's boyfriend.

I smiled to myself as I thought about Sophia and the last time I had seen her. She had looked the happiest I had seen her ever since she arrived in Pittsburgh. I thought about how right it felt whenever she was in my arms,or the way my heart went crazy when she kissed my cheek. I didn't care that it was a simple gesture,that friends do all of the time. I'm just happy she is starting to trust me more.

I kept looking in the cages,in search of any dog that Sophia might like. I paused in front of one of the cages,a small little body catching my eye. In the cage sat probably one of the cutest dogs I had ever seen. The puppy looked almost sad,as he looked up at me with huge brown eyes,just begging for a new home. He had huge floppy ears,which looked disproportionate to the rest of his shaking body.

“This one Pascal” It wasn't a question,I knew this was the perfect dog for Sophia.

Pascal smiled as he inspected the scared puppy, “Yep,this is definitely the one for Sophie”

The lady who works at the shelter walked up to the cage as Pascal obnoxiously called her over.

“Oh you don't want this one,he's very quiet. Doesn't really play much...”

Pascal shook his head “I want this one”

The lady gave him a skeptical look,but unlocked the cage door,and carefully took the shaking puppy out,setting him on the floor,where he immediately sat back down,whimpering softly. We both knelt down,petting the puppy's soft fur.

“Yeah we'll take him” Pascal said smiling up at the woman,who shook her head.

“Where are we going to keep him? Christmas is a week away” I asked as we walked out of the shelter,carrying the little puppy.

Pascal looked at me as I asked the question. We obviously hadn't thought that part of the plan over. We sat in the car for a few more moments,trying to think of a solution. We both looked at each other,an idea popping into our heads at the same time.

“Vero!” We both yelled.
****
“So you want me to take care of this little guy until Christmas?” Vero asked

“Yeah,and then Kris will come over on Christmas-eve when everyone is asleep,and bring him back to the house”

Vero sighed,scratching the puppy's head “Yeah, okay”

“Thank you so much Vero” Pascal said hugging Vero,who just rolled her eyes,a smile making its way onto her features.

“What's his name anyways?”

“I don't know actually...Kris found him so he should name it”

I glared at Pascal “Shouldn't Sophia name him?”

Vero sighed, “well what am I supposed to call him while he's here then?”

“We should name him Frankie” Flower randomly stated.

Vero giggled “Frankie? That's kind of cute actually...”
****
“HONEY I HAVE ARRIVED” Pascal yelled as he walked into the house,Kris trailing behind him.

I cringed at his loud voice, “Aunt Carole went to pick Kody up from his friend's house,and to the... the uh grocery store?” I wasn't quite sure if I was saying it right.

“Look who's getting better at her English!” Pascal said grinning,as he plopped down on the couch,next to Maeva who was working on her homework.

“Are you guys hungry?” I asked looking at the two men,who both nodded.

“Well that's a stupid question. Kris is always hungry” Pascal stated with an evil smirk.

“Ooo you're one to talk Pascal. Don't make me bring up Thanksgiving 2007”

Pascal's eyes widened as he let out a gasp “You wouldn't Sophia”

I raised my eyebrows, “Are you sure about that?”

Kris and Maeva sat next to each other,watching the two adults argue.

“Whatever Pascal. I'm going to go make lunch now. Guess you don't want any”

“SOPHIAAAA PLEASE I'M HUNGRY” Pascal wailed,stomping after me as I walked to the kitchen
****
I sat on the couch,flipping through the channels until I got to TSN,where the Canadiens were playing against the Maple Leafs. I shook my head when P.K. Subban scored a goal. It wasn't that I disliked him or anything,he was just one of the most arrogant guys in the league and it was always a pain in the ass to play against him.

“Hey Kris,do you like Aunt Sophia?”

My eyes widened at Maeva's words “Uhh why do you say that?”

She shrugged, “daddy told me you two are in love” she said giggling

I felt the blood rush to my face,but she continued “It's okay,I won't tell her.”

“Thanks Maeva” I said quietly.

She looked at me,shaking her head “Thank you,Aunt Sophia happy because of you. She was sad when she came here”

Not really knowing what to say,I merely nodded “You're welcome”

I turned my attention back to the game,where the Maple Leafs were getting dominated by Montreal.

“COME ON SOPHIE I WILL BE GOOD. I NEEED FOOD THOUGH”

Maeva and I laughed as Sophia came out of the kitchen,Pascal had his arms wrapped around her right leg,and was being dragged across the wooden floor,as she tried to walk to the couch.

“I really don't think you need anymore food Pascal”

“Are you saying I am fat Sophie?!”

“Well you sure aren't light” she said, finally making it to the couch. Pascal huffed before letting go of her leg,choosing to lay on the floor.

She handed me a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it, “Thank you Sophie” I smiled up at her,and she shyly smiled back.

“Here you go Maeva”

Maeva looked at her peanut butter & jelly sandwich on her plate,before grinning “Thanks Aunt Sophia!”

“Do you want a bite daddy?” Pascal's head snapped up as Maeva held half of her sandwich to her grinning dad.

“Thank you sweet daughter of mine” Pascal stuck his tongue out at Sophia

I chuckled “She must get her manners from Carole”

“You too Kris?! What is this,be mean to Pascal day?”

Sophia scoffed “I thought that was everyday”

“So how have you been?” Sophia asked me as we watched the hockey game go to intermission.

I smiled “Good,really good. You?”
****
I grinned at him “Same. I love this time of the year”

“You don't wish you were home for Christmas?”

I could feel Pascal staring at me suddenly. I shook my head though “No I love it here. Wouldn't want to be anywhere else” I smiled.

I hadn't been so excited for Christmas since I was 10,when I still had my dad. Just being around my new family made me happy though. I could care less if I didn't get any presents,or if the food was horrible,I was just grateful to be here. The fact that Kris was going to be with me on Christmas made me smile. I was starting to trust him more and more,and I wasn't scared about it. I knew I had changed since I got here. I was no longer scared of being yelled at for every mistake I made,or coming home to beatings everyday. I was safe,I was finally happy,I had a family,and I was actually starting to make friends.

'Everything is going to get better from here on out'
****
“Sophie can you get that for me?” Aunt Carole asked me.

I quickly got up,nearly running to the door. I knew who it was,who else would it be on Christmas-eve?

“Hey Kris!” I smiled instantly when I saw his face.

“Hey Sophie” He wore a matching smile on his face as he pulled me into his warm body.

I honestly don't know how that man managed to stay warm in this cold weather,especially when it was practically a blizzard outside.

I pulled away,gesturing for him to come inside the warm house.

“Hi Kwis!” Zoe yelled,trying to run,only to trip over her own feet.

He chuckled,and I smiled as I watched the two interact.

“Aunt Sophia,play Mario Kart with us!” Kody yelled from the couch

“Okay Kody,but don't cry when I come in first” I grinned

He scoffed “Yeah right Aunt Sophie,I can beat you with my eyes closed”

“You are both wrong! I will defeat both of you” Pascal said smirking

“Ha! Yeah right,I bet Zoe can beat you” Kody said laughing at his dad.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket,and when I saw the number on the illuminated screen I suddenly felt nauseous.

“I... I have to take this” I said quickly getting up from the couch,nearly running out of the room from a worried Pascal and Kris.

“Hey mom...” I said into the phone quietly when I entered my bedroom.

“Sophia...please come home” Her voice was desperate

“No mom I am staying here,with uncle Pascal. This is my home”

“Please Sophia,Ryan...Ryan was arrested last week. I feel so alone”

I shook my head,not caring what happened to the man that made my life miserable.

“How can you do this to me mom? I am finally better,and you have to go and ruin it”

“Sophia... I never meant to say those things to you. You know I was just kidding when I said everything to you”

I suddenly felt mad “Are you fucking kidding me right now mom?”

She gasped “Do not talk to me that way young lady! I raised you better than that”

“No! You did not raise me,you were never there for me,you always missed my dance competitions,you always missed my soccer and baseball games,because you were busy getting drunk. Do you know how fucking miserable I was growing up? I got bullied everyday at school,and then when I thought I was safe at home,your precious Ryan started to beat me everyday,what were you even doing when he was upstairs beating the shit out of me? Surely you would have heard my screams of pain. No mom,don't tell me you raised me,not once in my whole fucking life were you there for me,and you know what? I am pretty damned successful without you. I made it through my whole life without your help. I got through school without your help,I got a job without your help,I went to college without your help,I became an artist without your help. And when the day comes,and I have children,I will be the best fucking mother I can be,without your help,because there's not one thing you know about being a good mother!”

I was nearly yelling,and I was happy I was upstairs,where hopefully everyone downstairs couldn't hear me.

My mom was sobbing “I am so sorry Sophia”

“Don't call me anymore mom”

And with that I ended our conversation. I ended our relationship,and all of the memories I ever had with my 'mom' flooded my mind. I paced around the room,and all of my anger soon turned into sadness when I looked at the picture on my desk of my dad and I. I shook my head,and flopped down on to my bed,my body started to shake as I sobbed into my pillow.

“Sophia?”

I pushed my face into the pillow more,not wanting Kris to see me like this. A few moments passed,and I thought he had left. I jumped when a pair of arms wrapped around me,but instantly I felt comforted. He moved the pillow,so he could look into my eyes. He didn't say anything,instead he pulled me closer to him.

I'm not sure how long I cried,but he stayed with me the whole time. I'm pretty sure I had ruined his shirt with my salty tears,but he didn't say anything.

“Please don't leave me” I cried into his chest,grabbing at the fabric of his shirt.

“Everyone leaves me in the end. Please-”

He shushed me “I'm not going anywhere. I promise"

And each and everyday will lead into tomorrow
Tomorrow brings one less day without you
But don't wait up just leave the light on
'Cause all the roads that I might take
Will all one day lead back to you