Breathe Me

I didn't expect Kris to stay with me throughout the whole night,so when I woke up the next morning to find the sleeping hockey player right next to me with his arm comfortably wrapped around my waist,I was pretty surprised. I must have cried for a long time because my eyes were incredibly sore and nearly impossible to open.

I let out a soft sigh and cringed when I rubbed my eyes. I felt pathetic,I had promised myself I wouldn't let my past get to me while I was here in Pittsburgh. That task was seeming to get harder and harder with every passing day. There was no way I could ever forget everything that happened. I have scars all over my body that I am forced to look at every single day,little reminders of all the pain I had to go through,emotional and physical.

I looked at Kris's facial features as he peacefully slept. A little stubble was starting to form on his jawline,and I noticed a rather large scar right underneath his chin. His hair was covering parts of his forehead,and I resisted the urge to reach out and move a piece of hair that was starting to cover his left eye. I wasn't sure how I had managed to get so close to someone I had only known for a few weeks,but I enjoyed having someone else besides Pascal to talk to.

Pascal. He was probably freaking out last night. I could tell from the look on his face before I had ran out of the room that he knew it was my mom who had been calling me. I was surprised when Kris had shown up rather than Pascal,I wasn't complaining though. I had just been happy to have someone to cry on.

****

I rubbed my eyes and let out a quiet yawn as I woke up in the cozy bed. I wrapped my arm tighter around Sophia's waist and brought her closer to me,I smiled when I heard her giggle softly. I finally opened my eyes,wanting to see her face. Her eyes were a little red and puffy,I could tell my the way her eyes would glaze over she was thinking hard about something.

“What are you thinking?”

She looked me in the eyes before answering, “Thank you for staying with me last night. You really didn't have to.”

I smiled softly “I wanted to though. Are you feeling better?”

“Actually I am. I'm not going to let anybody ruin my first Christmas here”

I grinned when I saw her blue eyes light up,and it seemed to occur to her what day it was.

“Oh! It's Christmas”

She shot up from the bed, “I'm going to put on pajamas,I don't know why I slept in jeans,it's not very comfortable”

I smiled. Today was definitely going to be a good day.

****

“Aunt Sophie! Look at aw da pwesents”

I grinned at little Zoe,who stared at the Christmas tree in shock. Pascal and Carol had truly outdone themselves. Presents wrapped in gold and blue wrapping paper surrounded the huge Christmas tree,and it didn't take long for all of the children to find their presents.

I sat on the floor,next to Kris who had also changed out of his previous clothes in change for a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt.

“Here's one for you Aunt Sophie” Maeva exclaimed before handing me a large gift,wrapped in gold paper.

'From Santa Clause'

I grinned over at Pascal,who was holding a camera as he captured my first Christmas with my new family.

I started to feel like a five year old as I tore the paper off,revealing a white box with the Apple logo on front.

“Your old ipod was really old and scratched up,I figured you could use a new one” Pascal spoke smiling.

“Thank you Uncle Pascal”

He laughed when I grinned like a dork at him. We all continued to open presents,including Kris,who was surprised when he received his fifth gift.

“Tank you Aunt Sophie!” Zoe yelled happily when she unwrapped the gift I had gotten her. It was a penguin stuffed animal with the number 9 stitched on the back. She immediately started to cuddle it and continued to unwrap her presents.

“You're welcome Zoe” I smiled at the little girl as she giggled.

****

“You didn't have to get me anything” Kris spoke

“I didn't,I made it” I smiled at him nervously,hoping he wouldn't get upset over it.

He tore away the dark blue wrapping paper,and stared at the gift in shock. His fingers lightly traced over the surface of the glass frame,and when he didn't say anything I suddenly felt scared. I wasn't sure what I should have gotten Kris,so I did the one thing I do best,art. I had remembered the picture I saw in his room,the one of him and Luc,and decided to draw that. I had worked 10 hours on it,my hand had been so sore and I was so tired,but it came out amazing and that was all that mattered.

“You...drew this?” He asked

“Yeah. I saw the picture in your room and-”

I couldn't finish the rest of sentence as he pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Thank you,I love it” he whispered softly,I could have sworn I heard his voice shake a little,but it might have just been me.

He relunctantly pulled away,and gave me a sheepish smile.

“You're welcome. I was scared that you wouldn't like it”

He shook his head, “It's one of the best presents I have ever gotten”

I felt my face get hot,and before I could say anything Kris spoke again.

“I wasn't really sure what to get you,it seems like you have already gotten everything you want,but uh here. I hope you like it”

He handed me a medium-sized velvety box with a red ribbon tied around it to keep it closed. I smiled as I pulled the ribbon on the bow to get it undone. I was full on grinning when I opened the box. Inside was a silver charm bracelet. It was already decorated with a gold 58 charm,a light blue 9 charm,a black and white penguin charm,and a music note charm.

“I love it,thank you so much” I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek

He grinned at me “You're welcome. Do you want me to help you put it on?”

****

She nodded her head as she handed me the bracelet and held out her wrist. My fingers lightly skimmed her soft skin,and my hands were shaking from the after shock of the friendly kiss. I adjusted the bracelet so it wouldn't fall off her tiny wrist.

“It's perfect” She murmured softly,staring down at the bracelet as she played with the 58 charm.

****
“Sophia,we have one more present for you,close your eyes!” Pascal called from upstairs.

I sighed,but obeyed and closed my eyes. I could hear footsteps entering the room and was tempted to open my eyes,but I managed to keep them closed.

“Okay you can open them now”

My eyes snapped open,and my jaw nearly dropped at the sight in front of me.

“Oh my god! He's so cute.” She let out a precious giggle when she brought Frankie into her arms.

“His name is Frankie” Pascal laughed.

“Aww Frankie. He's too precious. Thank you so much Pascal” She continued to laugh as Frankie rolled over onto his back and shook his leg as she rubbed his belly.

“Thank Kris,he was the one that found him actually”
****
I blushed when Sophia looked up at me surprised. “Thank you. All of you,this is the best Christmas I have ever had” She looked down,continuing to pet Frankie as he curled up in her lap.

“It's only getting started!” Pascal laughed.

****

Frankie had definitely taken a liking to Sophia. He followed her around all day,when she went into a different room he would immediately start whimpering and wait in front of the door until she came back. I watched on as she played Mario Kart with Kody and Pascal,Frankie looked cozy as he slept in a little ball on her lap. Pascal had a frustrated look on his face as he got hit by a red shell for the fifth time. I chuckled when Sophia playfully pushed him,causing the kart in the game to go swirving everywhere

“Cheater!”

“Nuh-uh! My arm slipped”

“Oh so you're a liar AND a cheater”

“Oh,you're one to talk!”

“What did I do to cheat?!”

“You took away my remote during the middle of a race!”

“My arm slipped” he said mockingly.

“Whatever. You still came in eighth place,even when you cheated.”

He pouted at me, “It's Christmas,shouldn't you be nice to me?”

I thought about it for a moment, “Okay okay,I will be nice to you”

He grinned victoriously.

“But you're still horrible at this game”

I laughed as the two continued to bicker. It was almost dinner time and the smell of food coming from the kitchen overwhelmed my sense of smell. Sophia glanced at me,shooting me a brilliant smile when our eyes made contact,and quickly turned her attention back to the game.

“Dinner is ready!”

Aunt Carol's words caused Pascal to shoot up from his seat on the couch and run to the kitchen like he was on fire.

“Come on Aunt Sophie,food!”

She grinned as Kody tugged on her leg.

“Calm down,you're almost just as bad as your dad”

I followed her to the large kitchen table with so much food that it could easily feed the whole team. I smiled when she chose to sit next to me,trying to act calm as her bare arm lightly brushed against mine,the warmth of her skin almost made me shiver. I noticed how small she suddenly seemed. She looked so fragile,as if the smallest touch could break her. Yet she seemed so strong at the same time.

“Do you want to give thanks sweetie?” Aunt Carol asked Pascal

He grinned “Sure,why not?”

“Rub a dub dub;thanks for the grub! Yeaaa god! In your name we pray,amen”

****

I bit my lip,desperately trying to keep myself from laughing at Pascal's prayer. I failed at my attempts and busted out laughing,throwing my head back as Pascal continued to sing. Aunt Carol's look of horror suddenly softened,and she found herself laughing with the rest of the table.

“Thank you God for this food we are about to devour! And thank you for making Sophia part of this family” His words were serious,and I felt my eyes sting.

'Keep it together Sophie'

“Now let's eat!”

****

I looked up at the night sky. The stars in Pittsburgh definitely aren't as amazing as they are in Canada. I wondered what my mom was doing,she must be feeling lonely right about now. I wondered what Ryan had done this time to get locked up in jail. I brought the blanket closer to my body as I shivered from the cold. I shook my head,trying to rid myself of all thoughts that had to do with my mom or Ryan. I couldn't stop thinking about the phone call from last night though. Never in my life had I felt so much hatred towards someone,especially my own mother. It felt good to me in a strange way. Letting all of my emotions out,and I wished she could feel the same pain I have felt nearly my whole life. That's a horrible thing to wish upon someone though. Nobody should have to go through such pain.

“What are you doing out here?” Kris asked softly.

I shrugged, “Just thinking”

He chose his next words carefully, “If you ever want to talk,I'm here for you.”

I bit my lip before speaking, “That person I was talking to on the phone last night was my mom. We don't really get along. She sort of neglected me my whole life and treated me badly. She was saying how she wanted me to come home for Christmas,she was lonely because her boyfriend,Ryan,is in jail. She kept trying to tell me that she never meant to say any of the horrible things she called me,and I got really mad at her.”

He frowned “Your own mom says horrible things to you?”

“Yeah its been that way for as long as I can remember,even when my dad was alive. She made me feel terrible as a child. Then after my dad died,she met Ryan and things just got worse” I tried to get rid of the lump in my throat as I quickly rubbed my eyes.

“They would both get drunk every night,and call me all types of horrible things. Then one day,when my mom was passed out on the couch,Ryan came upstairs and beat me. That became a ritual for him,everyday I would come home,he would wait for my mom to pass out,and then he would beat me until I couldn't even move”

Kris seemed surprised at this point. I was trembling as I recalled the memory of the first time Ryan had beat me. I didn't cry though. I had enough of crying,it was all I had done for the past 10 years.

“How long did this go on for?”

I shook my head, “A few days before I arrived here actually. He had pushed me down the stairs and almost killed me,then Pascal got the phone call saying I was in the hospital,and immediately took me in,and I guess that brings me here”

“Nobody should have to go through all of that” Kris murmured. At this point he had wrapped his arms around me. My eyes closed as I rested my head on his chest. I pulled the blanket up to my chin and inhaled the aroma of his cologne. So many thoughts were running through my mind,but I only had enough courage to say one.

“There's one good thing about all of this though”

“What's that?” he asked curiously.

“I got to meet you”

We hide from the mirrors
They might show our scars
There is the person that we want to be
The people we are
Confront your reflection
Smash what you see and let's restart
Cause mirrors can't see our hearts