Let Me Be The One To Save You

Spending time with Frank was always fun. He was nearly the complete opposite to Gerard, always joking and rarely serious. I loved hanging out with him because he took my mind off everything that was going on in my life. But, when Frank wanted to have a serious conversation with you he could, and he’d make sure you knew he wasn’t joking.

“I’m glad you and Gerard are friends,” The short teen randomly commented as we walked through the mall, our hands entwined.

“Huh? What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

We were talking to Starbucks so I let my feet carry me there on autopilot as I kept my gaze on Frank. He ran his left hand - the one not in my grasp- through his red and black hair. He played with his lip ring, something he only did when nervous or unsure of what to say.

“Well, he’s never been the most sociable of people, and for the past few months the only time I’ve seen him outside of school is when we were at practice in my house. I mean, he’s never even kissed a girl!” He let out a laugh and shook his head before raising his green-hazel eyes to meet mine, “You’re good for him.”

We entered the busy coffee shop and, after steering me to one of the few empty tables, Frank went up to order our drinks. He, along with the rest of the guys, knew my favourite drink- caramel macchiato. They all mocked me for my ‘girly drink’ but didn’t really care, it tasted so damn good.
Mere moments later Frank was seated opposite me and I decided to continue the serious conversation from outside.

“Frankie, is there any real reason Gee is so anti-social?”

A smiled appeared on the boy’s face, “Y’know you’re the only one who still gets away with calling him by that childhood nickname? I think that’s proof of how much you mean to him.”

I returned the smile, I liked that I was the only one allowed to call Gerard by the nickname Gee.

Frank shook his head and the smile dropped off his face, “Anyway. . . There is a reason Gerard has become more anti-social but I’m not quite sure how to tell you, or if I even should.”

He looked distressed and his eyes suddenly filled with pain. I watched as he started to bite his nails aggressively, tearing them from off his fingers.

“C’mon Frankie, you can tell me,” I coaxed him softly, taking his hand and pulling it away from his mouth. The skin around the nails had begun bleeding and I was glad I had stopped him.

He heaved a heavy sigh before meeting my eyes once more, “There used to be six people in our group. Six of us guys. Until one couldn’t take it anymore. Until he took his own life.”

For some reason this information didn’t really shock or faze me. Gerard had obviously been affected deeply by something dramatic and I guess my subconscious had already figured out that it had been the dead of a loved one.

“When M- he passed away last year, Gerard, who was his closet friend, took it real hard. He locked himself away for months, we thought we’d lose him too.”

Frank had begun crying and I took his hand in mine, stroking the skin. I murmured sweet words and let him calm down.

They had all lost someone close to them, in the worst possible way. Like me, they had lost a friend to suicide. We had even more in common than I thought. Frankie had said that Gerard had taken their friend’s the worst but, judging by the fact that he couldn’t even say their friend’s name and his little breakdown, I reckoned Frankie was hurting more than he let one.

I snapped back to reality when Frank pulled his hand out of mine to scrub at his blotchy face. His eyes were red and puffy - the telltale sign of tears - but he had a smile on his face.

“I really think you’re good for Gerard,” He told me, his voice dripping with sincerity. He wanted me to believe him. “You’re helping him get over his loss. You help him forget the pain.”

I forced a smile as guilt stabbed my gut. Frank said Gerard was starting to forget because of me, but then I brought up Fergal. My story had probably spiked pain in his still healing heart. All I had done was re-open already scarring wounds.

For the rest of the afternoon my thoughts were all of how I had hurt the hazel eyed boy who had never been anything but nice to me. The conversations I had with Frank were half-hearted and mostly one sided, but he didn’t seem to notice. Frank wasn’t always the most observant of people and, for once, I was grateful of that. I needed the time to think.
I need to talk to Gerard about his friend. . .