Let Me Be The One To Save You

A tapping sound distracted me from the homework I was attempting to do. I dropped my pen and went to find the cause of the irritating noise that seemed to be coming from my window.
As I approached I saw none other than Gerard Way sitting in the tree outside my room. The noise had been caused by the skittles he was throwing at my closed window to catch my attention. A grin on his face the entire time. I opened the window and he climbed on in.

“What the fuck Gee?” I asked confused as to why he couldn’t just come through a door like a normal person. “Why’d you climb my tree?”

He bit his lip nervously and shot a wary look at my shut door. His eyes looked scared, “Your uncle wouldn’t let me in. He said we’re not allowed hangout or something dumb like that.”

Anger boiled in my veins and my vision turned red. Austin was being a real dickhead lately. I balled my fists and nearly screamed in rage, “Who the fuck does he think he is? He has no right!”

Cool hands found my scrunched up ones and began rubbing soothing circles into them, “It’s okay Ciara. Calm down.”

Gerard’s soft voice helped me regulate my breathing and made me relax. I hugged him, leaning against his chest and breathing in that distinctive smell that I could never get sick of.

“Hey, I brought you something.”

He distangled himself from our embrace and pulled a small brown paper bag out of his leather jacket pocket. He handed it to me with a smile. Inside lay a CD - Meat Is Murder by The Smiths; two huge lollipops; a packet of M&Ms; and a black velvet box. I took out the box, instantly forgetting everything else in the little bag. I opened it carefully and inside, laid out on a purple pillow, was a simple silver chain with a locket. It was beautiful.

I smiled, “Thank you Gerard. You shouldn’t have.”

He shrugged trying to act nonchalant, but his hazel eyes glittered with happiness at my reaction to the piece of jewellery, “It’s no problem. I knew there was something bothering you and I wanted to cheer you up.”

All he wanted to do was talk about what was ‘bothering’ me. It showed in his eyes. But it was something I was hoping to avoid, at least for a little while. So I turned my back on Gerard and went over to my CD player and placed the silver disk he had given me inside, letting the sounds of the first track, The Headmaster Ritual, wash over me.
Gerard made a noise from behind me and looked back over at him as he shuffled awkwardly in his place. I smiled and took his hand, dragged him to my bed and made him lay beside me.

We stayed like that for a while - me snuggled into Gerard’s side - as we listened to The Smiths. But, as the CD player made a scratching sound and began to start the album all over again, Gerard spoke up.

“So what’s been bothering you C?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, hoping he would just leave it at that. But, of course, he couldn’t.

“Please?” He squeezed me against his side whilst rubbing circles on my arm. “I want to help.”

He sounded so sincere and persistent that I began to crumble. A hand was placed beneath my chin and my eyes were forced to meet his pleading ones. There was no way I could ever refuse him anything.

“I got Fergal’s letter yesterday,” I whispered, my voice staying surprisingly strong. “He wrote it the night,” I paused and took a deep breath. “He wrote it the night he took his own life.”

Gerard’s beautiful eyes clouded with pain and empathy. He pulled me tight against his chest and I willed myself to be strong as I awaited the next question.

“What was he like? I mean, as a person?”

I smiled. How could I use words to describe my best friend? He was so unique it was impossible. There was no way Gerard could ever fully understand what Fergal was really like, but I’d sure as hell try to make him.

“Fergal Kilborn. Poet, writer, artist, son, best friend. That’s what they wrote on his gravestone. Under the dates. Those words do nothing to describe the amazing person he was.”

Despite my best efforts, tears began to prick at the back of my eyes. I blinked furiously to get rid of them and let a small smile grace my lips as memories of Fergal flooded my mind for the first time in months.

“He was my everything Gee. The person I went to when there were problems at home. The only person who could make me laugh when all I wanted to do was sob. He was the life of every party and everyone loved him. None of us knew what he was going through, he always acted so strong. I should’ve noticed his pain!”

Nothing I tried could stop the tears now. They came fast, much like my breaths, and they showed no signs of stopping.

“I miss him so much Gee,” I mumbled through my sobs. “Why is he gone?”

A kiss was pressed to my cheek as Gerard sat up and pulled me onto his lap.

“I know it’s hard baby girl, but it will get better,” His soft voice whispered in my ear.

We lay like that until I felt strong enough to sit back on the bed, out of Gerard’s embrace. A thought occurred to me and I looked up at the raven haired boy who was fast becoming a new best friend of mine.

“Gee?”

He looked down at me, a small smile on his face, “Yeah?”

I bit down on my lip nervously, tearing at a loose piece of skin, “Uhm . . . Well, Frankie and I were talking and what happened to you guys last year came up. He’s worried about you.”

Gerard’s shoulder tensed up and he looked away. He tore his hand from my grip. He was hurting, I could tell, because not too long ago I had felt the same way. Only he had saved me, I only hoped I could the same for him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It was quiet for a moment or two until Gerard spoke up, “Oh my God! You have the Lion King on video. Can we watch it?”

I told him yes and he scrambled off the bed to set it up. My old VCR, kept merely to play videos such as these, began to act up and I watched with amusement as Gerard battled with it. He was so obviously heartbroken, but didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe he was just so used to pretending to be strong. Maybe he just couldn’t face the fact that his friend was gone - something I could relate to all too well.

I had opened up to Gerard, poured my heart out to him, and he had told me nothing about himself. Most people would find our friendship odd and one-sided but I could understand. Gerard would talk to me when he was ready. For now I was happy to just cuddle up to him on my bed and watch my favourite childhood movie.