Let Me Be The One To Save You

The grass tickled my back as I lay in Toni’s back garden staring up at the cloud filled sky, enjoying one of the last days of summer. It was crazy to think that I had first moved to New Jersey nearly a year ago. So much had changed in that one year. I had made new friends in a foreign country, lost another friend back home, matured beyond my years, discovered a band whose members I loved dearly and I’d gotten a boyfriend who I had promised to marry.
I twisted the ring on my finger with a small smile on my face. Gerard meant the world to me and although I was bit young to even be considering it, I was ecstatic about marrying him. It would have to wait until after college though, and after he and the band had a more steady income. I was looking to study psychology in New York or back in Ireland whilst the MCR guys were content on staying in Belleville until their band was discovered. They were hoping that would be sooner than later and considering the amount of interest that had been shown in them by record company producers, they may get their wish.

“Hey C, you okay?”

I placed and arm over my eyes as I opened them to look up at my boyfriend, “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

He shrugged as he took a seat beside me, “Just assumed you’d be nervous about your results.”

I slapped my forehead, with my excitement of being back in Jersey I had completely forgotten about my Leaving Cert results. Gerard laughed as I scrambled to my feet and ran into the kitchen where I knew Toni left the mail when it arrived. There it was, that little white envelope whose contents would decide my future.
My hands were trembling and I ripped the envelope as I tried to open it. I took out the piece of paper with my examination number printed at the top. My mouth dropped open as I read through the results.

“Ciara, you get your results?”

Gerard’s voice made me look up, shock still visible on my face. His eyes widened and he took me into his arms, “You okay Sugar? What happened?”

I smiled up at him, craning my neck to meet his pretty hazel eyes, “I passed Gee! I fucking passed!”

After returning to Ireland so close to exams I had been worried that I wouldn’t do as well as everyone expected of me. Add that to the two extra subjects my teachers had pressured me into doing, and the fact that I did everything at Higher level, it was pretty amazing that I had passed at all.

“What did you get?” Gerard asked me.

I looked back down at the paper just to confirm it once more in my mind, “One C1, two B3s, two B2s, one B1 and two A3s. I fucking did it Gee!”

He chuckled as I fist pumped the air feeling amazing, “Of course you did it hon, you worked your ass off.”

I couldn’t wipe the ecstatic grin on my face as I re-read the results over and over. There was no way, after all the shit I had been through in the past year, that I had gotten these grades.
Lips caressed the spot just behind my ear and I felt arms wrapped themselves around my waist from behind, “Be proud of those results Sugar,” Gerard whispered in my ear. “You deserved them.”

He was right. I knew he was right. So why couldn’t I enjoy the pride I felt in getting such good grades?
Fergal’s not here and neither is Rachel. They should’ve had the chance to experience this too…
I closed my eyes and wished with all my might that I could have Fergal back, just for one day. Just to say goodbye one last time. Couldn’t God, or whoever, just give me that one bit of happiness?

“C’mon C, let’s go out. We have to celebrate your grades.”

I nodded absentmindedly and let Gerard lace his fingers with mine as he dragged me out of Toni’s house and to wherever we were going to celebrate.



Gerard’s version of celebrating grades was different to say the least. The two of us ended up lying on the newly installed trampoline in his back garden eating Sour Patch Kids and drinking cans of Coca-Cola. We lay there giggling like a pair of stoners just enjoying being together. It was peaceful, it was simple, it was us.
In that moment everything was perfect and I wanted it to remain that way forever. Just me and Gerard having fun, being young and foolish. But of course, you can’t stop time. I was going to go off to college and Gerard was going try and make it with his band. We would spend months apart, and I wondered how well it would work.

“Gee?”

“Hmm?” He cracked open one eyelid and gave me a small smile. “What’s up?”

I sat up and began fiddling with the torn hem of my jeans, “What’s gonna happen to us?”

His forehead creased and he shot me a confused look, “What do you mean C? Nothing’s going to happen to us.”

I shook my head and let my hair fall into my face so I wouldn’t have to look at him as I voiced my fears, “No Gee. I mean, what happens when I go off to college and you go do your thing with My Chem? What will happen to us then?”

A small smile graced Gerard’s thin lips as he shook his head incredulously at me, “Nothing’s going to happen to us Hon, we’ll just have to deal with not seeing each other. We’ll get through it.”

He sat up and wrapped he arms around my waist, pulling me close against his chest. I leaned up and kissed him lightly, loving how he could rid me of my fears so easily. We sat together, just like that, embracing the silence, enjoying each other’s company.

“Look, I know you’ve been through a lot this year,” Gerard’s voice in the silence made me jump and he chuckled a little. “But I want you to know that I’ve been there all this time for you and I will continue to do so, no matter what the hardship may be.”

I smiled and let my fingers trace patterns on the hands that circled my waist, “Thank you Gee. That means so much.”

“It’s nothing really,” He kissed my neck softly. “I love you Ciara.”

I froze, it was ridiculous to react like this but Gerard had yet to tell me he loved me since we had officially gotten together. It scared me but at the same time made me ridiculously happy.

“Love you too Gee.”

He pulled me tighter and I snuggled into the crook of his neck feeling happier than ever before. Of course I knew that things wouldn’t magically work out, Gerard and I would definitely have problems whilst we worked through the whole long-distance thing, but I had hope that it would all work out. At the same time though, I closed my eyes and wished that this perfect moment would never end and I’d always have Gee by my side.