Let Me Be The One To Save You

Weeks passed and contact with Gerard became more and more infrequent. The first couple of days he kept his promise and called me, but the conversations were short, just a brief summary of his day and few half-hearted questions about mine. I knew he wanted to be back with the guys and so usually I’d tell him to go do that, to stop worrying about me. I was selfish, but not selfish enough to keep him away from his friends and the music he so loved making. That just wasn’t in my nature.
We fought a lot, about how I was being selfish and how he was being inconsiderate. The two of us said things we regretted but, being so stubborn meant neither of us would apologise. We were drifting apart and it felt like nothing I did could stop that. My birthday came along, eighteen years old, a big deal. I had assumed I would hear from Gerard, even if it was just to wish me happy birthday. I didn’t think that was all that much to ask of my boyfriend, but apparently I was wrong. My phone didn’t ring once that entire day, or the next, or the one after. It was silly, but I felt so rejected. The ring on my finger seemed like one big lie, and in a fit of anger, I threw it at my bedroom wall. It clattered off the wooden floor and I left it there, no longer wanting the reminder of the boy who’d abandoned me, breaking his promise.

“I fucking hate you Gerard Way!” I shouted, feeling anger overcome my body.

I tore open my closet and grabbed my suitcase. This was it. There was nothing left for me in Jersey anymore. It was time to go back to Ireland once again. I wasn’t going to wait around for a boy who forgot about me the moment he went on his first tour. I wasn’t going to be that girl who stayed at home, pining after said boy while he fucked every other girl on tour.
Throwing clothes into my bag I had to bite back unwanted tears. Living in New Jersey had made me cry more than I ever had in Ireland and I took that as a sign that I was never meant to stay here. Jersey wasn’t my real home.

With all of my packing done I decided I should at least explain my sudden disappearance to Gerard. He at least deserved that. Taking a deep breath I sat down at my desk and tried to tell my best friend why I was leaving, but I knew words would never be enough.



“Do you really have to go Ciara?” Toni asked with her tear-stained face.

I attempted to smile and pulled her in for a long hug, “I’m sorry Toni. I love you, and I wish I could stay here, I really do.”

“Then why don’t you? You know Austin and I love having you here. I can‘t understand why you want to leave us,” She wasn’t going to let me go without a fight, even if she had to lie to keep me here. Austin was ecstatic that I was leaving, even offering to drive me to the airport. He didn’t want me here anymore and I couldn’t say that I’d miss him either.

“You know Austin is delighted I’m leaving,” I laughed a little, shaking my head and picking up my bags to carry down to the taxi idling at the end of the drive. “And you also know why I’m leaving, so don’t act dumb with me.”

Her mouth turned downwards in a frown, “I always had a feeling that that boy would break your heart.”

I scowled and looked down at the ground, scuffing my converse off the concrete, “He didn’t break my heart.”

“Mhmm…” She hugged me once more and I could feel her tears as the warm drops landed on my neck. “Goodbye Ciara, visit soon, yeah?”

I nodded but both of us knew that I would never return to New Jersey let alone Belleville, not as long as Gerard Way lived here. Not as long as the memories of here were still ingrained in my brain, “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises, ‘kay?”

She smiled as she pulled away, “That’s all I’m asking of you hon. Now go,” She made a shooing motion to me and I giggled. “Go catch your plane.”

A few steps down the drive I suddenly remembered something and ran back to my aunt. I fumbled through my handbag until I found what I was looking for, the crumpled white envelope that contained my last words to Gerard.

“Can you… can you give this to him when he gets back?”

Without questioning me she nodded and took the little piece of paper, “’Course I will, now seriously go.”

I laughed and ran down to the taxi driver who, at this point, was starting to get incredibly annoyed with my delaying.

We pulled away from the curb and I watched as Toni waved madly after me until I could no longer see her. The car drove by all the places I loved in Belleville. The park I spent one of my first days in, the school I’d had so many good times in, the coffee shop that I had first met Gerard, the Iero household where I had seen MCR perform so many times and lastly, the Way household, the one place I always felt safe. I closed my eyes and leaned against the cold glass of the window, saying goodbye was harder than I had expected. I didn’t want to stay here, but I had to admit, I’d had some amazing memories with the people I had met in Jersey. In many ways I’d miss the grey, dull place I had once loathed.

As the car reached the end of the street that the Way house resided on I turned in my seat to look back at the familiar cream coloured house. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes and I blinked them back furiously. There was no way I was going to cry over him .

“Goodbye Gee,” I whispered, placing my hand on the glass and looking at the house. “Goodbye Jersey. I’ll miss you all.”

Turning back around in my seat I was essentially turning my back on New Jersey. I didn’t plan on ever coming back. This was it. My last ‘fresh start’ . This was my last chance to be happy. Time to forget about Jersey, time to forget about My Chemical Romance, and time to forget about the boy who stole my heart.