Let Me Be The One To Save You

“You’re not my father Austin so stop acting like you are!” I screamed angrily at my uncle.

“Well I am you legal guardian,” He sneered, his blue eyes glittering with contempt. “So tell me why the fuck you missed nearly the first full month of school!”

The school had sent out an attendance report and after Austin had read it, he had flipped.

“Do you think it’s okay to miss that much school?” He shouted and sprayed me with spittle.

Toni was standing there trying to calm him down. When she had read the letter she had just looked disappointed in me and, in a way, that made me feel worse than when Austin shouted at me.

“You’re such a fuck up!” Austin spat, his brown hair now messed up beyond belief. “We try and give you a second chance over here and you mess it up by skipping school and making friends with a bunch of waster, faggot, emo, idiotic rockers!”

That was the last straw. He could make fun of me all he wanted but he wasn’t allowed mock my new friends. They were all I had in this dead town. The only reason I was willing to stay and not go back to Ireland.

“Fuck you Austin!” I yelled. “They’re good people and are the only ones who’ve made me feel welcome in this Hellhole town! I hate you!”

All he did was glare for a moment or two. The he dropped the letter he held, I watched it fall slowly to the ground, how could one little piece of paper cause me so much trouble? I looked back up and Austin’s hand was raised and he swung it towards my face. I closed my eyes and my head rocketed to the side from the force of the blow.

“Get the fuck out of my house right now!”

“Gladly,” I replied sarcastically and stomped my way out of the house I now felt so unwelcome in.

I had gotten to the park before I realised that I had left both my purse and jacket in the house. I had no money and I was soaked from the rain that was pouring from the dark clouds above my head. But, there was no way I was going back to that house, at least not tonight.

Instead I pulled my phone out of my pocket and my trembling hands pressed make call when I found Gerard’s number. The phone rang and I prayed he was busy this Friday night.
I was beginning to lose hope when, on the eleventh ring, he answered.

“Hello?”

“Gerard?” I croaked, my voice breaking as tears rolled down my face.

“Ciara?” He sounded panicked. “Where are you? What’s wrong?”

“The park,” I mumbled through my sobs.

“Why are you there C? the weather is horrible. What happened?” His voice was filled with so much worry and love that I let myself open up to him.

“Austin hit me,” My voice was barely above a whisper. “Can you meet me at the coffee shop?”

“Of course. See you in a few.”

I hung up without saying goodbye. Before I could put my phone back into my pocket it beeped with a text from Toni. She was worried about me so I assured I was fine and would be back home tomorrow, I just needed time to think. I really loved my aunt and I hated that I was tearing her and Austin apart. With that done I began my trek to the coffee shop.



“Hey Gerard,” I heard Lucas say as I sat in my usual spot behind the book cases. “Ciara’s over there.”

I had arrived about five minutes before and Lucas had handed me a coffee on the house before telling me to go sit down, a worried look on his face. I told him Gerard was meeting me and he assured me he’d send him over. Now I sat, nursing my hot coffee and nervously waiting for Gerard to come around the corner.

“Ciara?” His voice was quiet, almost tentative. The way you’d speak to a scared child.

I raised my head and, although he tried to hide it, I saw how shocked he was at my appearance. It was then that I began crying again.
In an instant he was by my side, holding me close, letting me soak his t-shirt. All the while he whispered soft, soothing words in my ear.

After I had calmed down I pulled back from his embrace and told him about my uncle and what he had done. At the end, instead of thinking differently of me (which I was scared he would do), Gerard just pulled me back into his arms.

“Do you want to stay at mine tonight?” He asked, “My parents are away so no one’s there to ask questions.”

I nodded against his chest, “If you don’t mind.”

“It’s no problem C,” He murmured. “Now let’s go.”

We got up and he draped his leather jacket over my rain soaked shoulders. He took me by the hand, led me past Lucas who I waved goodbye to, and out to a car that I assumed belonged to his parents.

He looked over at me as he started to drive, “I’m sorry Ciara.”

I didn’t know what he meant by that comment so I didn’t reply. Instead, I curled up against the door and let my heavy lids close, surrendering to sleep.



When I awoke I was in Gerard’s arms as he carried me into his warm house. The dramatic change in temperature caused my body to let out an involuntary shudder and Gerard looked down at me.

“Oh, so you’re awake and still making me carry you?” He had a smile on his face as he pretended to be angry with me, ruining his façade.

I nodded and snuggled into the crook of his neck, “Mhmm. . . You’re my bitch!”

He chuckled and I felt his chest move up and down beneath me. As he carried me I felt us going down a set of stairs to what I assumed was the basement. I felt Gerard move his arm from beneath me and heard a door open. A minute later I was dropped onto a bed.

“Hey!” I opened my eyes and glared up at a smirking Gerard standing above me, “What was that for?”

He shrugged, that smirk still playing on his lips, “Uhm. . . My arm slipped?”

I laughed before being overcome with shakes. Gerard looked at me worriedly before sitting beside me on the bed, wrapping his arms around me.

“You’re freezing!” He exclaimed and got back off the bed, “Let me get you something to change into.”

He walked over to his wardrobe and I let myself zone out, thinking about nothing.
A pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt struck my face and I snapped back to reality.

“Sorry,” Gerard’s voice sounded from the other side of the room.

His face was serious and I giggled, “It’s okay Gerard, they’re only clothes.”

I stood up and began pulling off my top, not really caring if Gerard saw anything. He was my friend, it shouldn’t be a big deal.
The grey sweatpants were too big, hanging too loose even after I’d pulled the strings as tight as they’d go. The black Metallica t-shirt wasn’t as large. It fit okay, except it was far too long. I pulled my spare hair tie from off my wrist and tied the shirt so it rested just above the waist-band of the sweatpants.

“All done,” I turned to face Gerard, a smile on my face.

He looked me up and down but his returning smile faltered. He gasped and his eyes widened in shock as he stared intently at my lower half.
Thinking that pants must have slipped down too far, I blushed and went to pull them up. They hadn’t moved but, as my hands rested on my hips I felt what he must have been staring at. The ugly pink scare was puckered and rough as I ran my right hand over the familiar letters and shape- F.K. ♥ . My eyes rose to meet Gerard once more and now, instead of bearing shock, they looked full of pain and sorrow.

He opened his arms and I let myself collapse into arms once again. Gerard’s scent was so distinctive, something almost indescribable. A mixture of coffee, cigarettes, soap, cinnamon and about a million other nice smells. It was easy to get lost while in his embrace. My mind would forget what had upset me and just wander as it tried to distinguish what Gerard’s scent consisted of.

“I miss him,” I whispered against the dark haired boy’s chest. “He’s always on my mind.”

A hand ran through my wet hair and Gerard’s voice soothed me, “Who is hon?”

“Fergal,” I buried my face further into his chest and clutched his plain black t-shirt tightly in my fisted hands. “Fergal Kilborn. My best friend back home. The reason I had to move”

“You not allowed to be friends with him or something?”

I let a tear fall and sniffed before replying, “He’s. . . he’s dead Gerard. He committed suicide.”

Gerard pushed me out so I was at arms length. He wiped the tears from off my cheeks with the pad of his thumb. His hazel eyes were filled with worry and sparkled as if full of unshed tears.

“I am so sorry Ciara. I know it means nothing but I really am.”

The corners of my mouth pulled up in a pathetic attempt at a smile. Apologies meant- as Gerard had said - nothing, but the sentiment was appreciated.

“Do you want to tell me about him?” He asked, “It might help.”

I nodded, needing this chance to talk about my friend. No one had offered to listen to me talk about Fergal after his passing. Everyone just told me they were sorry and they’d see me soon. No one seemed to think I might want to talk to someone about what I was going through. Those people had known me my entire life and yet, they had no idea how I was being affected by Fergal’s suicide. Then, here was Gerard Way, a guy I had only known a few weeks, and he knew exactly what I needed.

Gerard’s bed was against the wall, matching black sheets and comforter on it. I sat back down on it and pulled the heavy black blanket over my legs as I leant against the wall.
I pulled a strip of loose skin from off the corner of my thumb, wondering where to start. The mattress moved beside me and I looked up to see Gerard taking a seat, a reassuring smile on his face.

Suddenly, as I prepared myself to talk, my breaths became short, coming in short gasps. The room was getting smaller and all I wanted was out.

“Shhh. . . It’s okay,” Gerard’s warm arms were around me once more. “Just breathe, baby.”

His soothing words helped calmed my breathing. I shot him a grateful smile before inhaling deeply and beginning my story.

“Fergal and I were best friend. We did everything together. Of course I had other friends but no one was as important to me as him.
“At the start of this year I was the first person he came out to about his sexuality and the only one who didn’t judge him because of it. I didn’t care that he was gay, all that mattered was that we were best friends and loved each other.”

Images of the bullies and Fergal’s scars flashed across my eyes as I remembered the time I had seen them hurt him. He lay on the ground, his familiar blue hair matted with the blood that seeped from a wound on his forehead. I ran to his side, pushing the bullies out of my way. He met my eyes and I could see the pain of self-loathing there.

“They beat him,” I mumbled, trying to rid my mind of the harrowing images. “He hated being gay, but at the same time he was proud of it. Earlier this year we marched together in the Gay Pride parade.”

I smiled fondly at the memory. Fergal had brought me to the Gay Pride parade and we marched through the streets with everyone. We made friends with so many people and I’d always cherish that fun summer day.

“His sexuality was one of the reasons he took his own life,” I met Gerard’s hazel eyes and he looked close to tears himself. “I miss him so much Gee. Everyday hurts so much and when I fall asleep I always wonder if tomorrow will be the same. If it will be full of all this pain and hurt.”

I buried my face back into his chest, letting my falling tears dampen his shirt once more. He tightened his embrace and whispered calming words in my ear.

“Sleep babes,” He mumbled and lay us down, with me curled up against his chest.

Our legs intertwined and his hands traced light patterns on my lower back. He began to hum a familiar tune, that sounded like a lullaby. My eyes began to drift shut, tired from crying so much.