Diary
Page Twenty Nine
Roxy had her first day of school, and it was quite lonely without her around. I have the boob tube, but it’s a lot interesting when you have a 5 year old asking you questions about how Spongebob can drink something in the water. The explanation was easy, but I like to make it fun for her. I tell her it’s through magic and some other silly shit. Her reactions are priceless, I think you’d get a kick out of it.
She smiles idiotically like you.
When I dropped her off at school, she asked me what to do if she got scared and needed me. I smiled and thought of something you told me when I was in labor with her.
“Just think happy thoughts.”
She was utterly confused by this, but smiled; “Happy thoughts…just think happy thoughts.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her, watching her walk into her class room. She had looked around first and then walked up to the first little kid she saw. I don’t worry about her anymore, like I did the previous week, because she’s a kid, and kids like other kids.
I miss her when she's gone, too. She use to bug the mess out of me, but it was fun. She's a kid, and I love my kid. In a way, I think LuLu misses her, too, because she kicks a lot. I can't wait until I pick her up, and she tells me about her day.
I remember when you and I talked about having kids. We were living in that apartment in New York; that smell, rat infested shit hole. You had said you wanted kids as soon as possible. I wasn't so sure about that.
I had my dad to take care of, and that was like having a kid. I mean, all while we were in New York he was put in an institution and I didn't want him to live there while we continued our lives as a married couple. I needed my dad more than I needed a kid.
"Don't you want a little mixture of us running around here, Valley?" I remember you snuck up behind me, kissing at my jaw and hugging me.
"Someday." I told you. I didn't want to rush into anything you couldn't handle.
"Come on," you kissed at my jaw. Sneaky, sneaky Gerard Way.
"Wait until we have good jobs, then we can talk about it."
You're never one for waiting. I mean, it was around that time that my birth control was replaced with smartees, and then, almost 2 months later, my period was late. You were so clever, hiding and acting as if you didn't do a thing.
"I'm late, Gerard, what'd you do?" I was locked in the bathroom, angry.
"You aren't late, Valley," I remember I heard you scrambling around and then you came back to the bathroom door. I looked at the door and saw as you shove some of my panties under the door, "See."
I had leaned down, picking them up and seeing that my panties had blood on them. Of course, I'm not fucking stupid, it wasn't menstrual blood. I rolled my eyes, and threw the panties away; "Nice try." I mumbled to myself.
"You're losing it, baby," he had chuckled behind the door.
"Asshole," I murmured, "Yeah, I'm losing it alright!"
After that day, I don't think I trusted you again, but I trusted you. We had already graduated and were moving to Seattle. To get back at you, I brought my father with us. It was nice having my dad around, because he was like a child, and we had to get our fill in.
She smiles idiotically like you.
When I dropped her off at school, she asked me what to do if she got scared and needed me. I smiled and thought of something you told me when I was in labor with her.
“Just think happy thoughts.”
She was utterly confused by this, but smiled; “Happy thoughts…just think happy thoughts.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her, watching her walk into her class room. She had looked around first and then walked up to the first little kid she saw. I don’t worry about her anymore, like I did the previous week, because she’s a kid, and kids like other kids.
I miss her when she's gone, too. She use to bug the mess out of me, but it was fun. She's a kid, and I love my kid. In a way, I think LuLu misses her, too, because she kicks a lot. I can't wait until I pick her up, and she tells me about her day.
I remember when you and I talked about having kids. We were living in that apartment in New York; that smell, rat infested shit hole. You had said you wanted kids as soon as possible. I wasn't so sure about that.
I had my dad to take care of, and that was like having a kid. I mean, all while we were in New York he was put in an institution and I didn't want him to live there while we continued our lives as a married couple. I needed my dad more than I needed a kid.
"Don't you want a little mixture of us running around here, Valley?" I remember you snuck up behind me, kissing at my jaw and hugging me.
"Someday." I told you. I didn't want to rush into anything you couldn't handle.
"Come on," you kissed at my jaw. Sneaky, sneaky Gerard Way.
"Wait until we have good jobs, then we can talk about it."
You're never one for waiting. I mean, it was around that time that my birth control was replaced with smartees, and then, almost 2 months later, my period was late. You were so clever, hiding and acting as if you didn't do a thing.
"I'm late, Gerard, what'd you do?" I was locked in the bathroom, angry.
"You aren't late, Valley," I remember I heard you scrambling around and then you came back to the bathroom door. I looked at the door and saw as you shove some of my panties under the door, "See."
I had leaned down, picking them up and seeing that my panties had blood on them. Of course, I'm not fucking stupid, it wasn't menstrual blood. I rolled my eyes, and threw the panties away; "Nice try." I mumbled to myself.
"You're losing it, baby," he had chuckled behind the door.
"Asshole," I murmured, "Yeah, I'm losing it alright!"
After that day, I don't think I trusted you again, but I trusted you. We had already graduated and were moving to Seattle. To get back at you, I brought my father with us. It was nice having my dad around, because he was like a child, and we had to get our fill in.
♠ ♠ ♠
That scene with Gerard slipping her underwear under the door was a scene in the book that really stood out and made me laugh. I stole it, I admit it, because I thought it was too funny to ignore.