Diary
Page Thirty Two
I got out today, and I got to go home; I got to see Roxy, and see what Finn has done to my home. She gave me some of her kid’s old stuff, but most of the crib and clothes belong to Roxy. I didn’t plan on buying much clothes for LuLu, just because I have a lot of Roxy’s things.
We turned my old “bedroom” into her nursery; Finn was kind enough to move the stuff for me. I greatly appreciate her time and energy, and I told her that more than enough times. She told me to shut up about it.
Roxy spent the good half of the afternoon reading Rainbow Fish to LuLu, who was napping in my arms. It seems its all the girl wants to do, she doesn’t cry, and she doesn’t fuss. She’s comfortable. And Roxy likes watching her, but the reading is her favorite part. She even told her about what happened at school that morning; she built a sandcastle and made a mold of her hand in clay.
When LuLu woke up, later that night, I let Roxy hold her on her lap; and LuLu didn’t fuss, she just looked at Roxy. Roxy kissed her forehead and petted her head, curling her fingers around her light hair. I think they’ll get along greatly when they’re older. Maybe like how you and Mikey were.
It’s really great to see; kind of makes me wish I had a little sibling, or an older one. I was on my own when I was a kid, and it was sort of cool, I never had to share shit; and that was always cool. But, other than that, I wish I had, had a sibling to help me through a lot of this stuff: my parent’s deaths, you leaving, and raising the kids. If I had a little back up, I think I would’ve gotten through everything better, and I wouldn’t be writing this diary.
I wish I could talk to you and tell you all this, but fear eats at me. I don’t think I can truly talk to you anymore. It scares me, it really does, because I don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t know what Gerard you are. I don’t know how you feel, or how you feel about me.
Curiosity killed the cat.
I could just ask you, but then again, the fear kicks in. I can’t speak, I’m too much of a coward to even put the receiver to my ear fully without shaking. I wish I could. I wish I could just get it all off my chest and say what I need to say, but I can’t.
I hate myself for it. I’ve never been a coward before now.
We turned my old “bedroom” into her nursery; Finn was kind enough to move the stuff for me. I greatly appreciate her time and energy, and I told her that more than enough times. She told me to shut up about it.
Roxy spent the good half of the afternoon reading Rainbow Fish to LuLu, who was napping in my arms. It seems its all the girl wants to do, she doesn’t cry, and she doesn’t fuss. She’s comfortable. And Roxy likes watching her, but the reading is her favorite part. She even told her about what happened at school that morning; she built a sandcastle and made a mold of her hand in clay.
When LuLu woke up, later that night, I let Roxy hold her on her lap; and LuLu didn’t fuss, she just looked at Roxy. Roxy kissed her forehead and petted her head, curling her fingers around her light hair. I think they’ll get along greatly when they’re older. Maybe like how you and Mikey were.
It’s really great to see; kind of makes me wish I had a little sibling, or an older one. I was on my own when I was a kid, and it was sort of cool, I never had to share shit; and that was always cool. But, other than that, I wish I had, had a sibling to help me through a lot of this stuff: my parent’s deaths, you leaving, and raising the kids. If I had a little back up, I think I would’ve gotten through everything better, and I wouldn’t be writing this diary.
I wish I could talk to you and tell you all this, but fear eats at me. I don’t think I can truly talk to you anymore. It scares me, it really does, because I don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t know what Gerard you are. I don’t know how you feel, or how you feel about me.
Curiosity killed the cat.
I could just ask you, but then again, the fear kicks in. I can’t speak, I’m too much of a coward to even put the receiver to my ear fully without shaking. I wish I could. I wish I could just get it all off my chest and say what I need to say, but I can’t.
I hate myself for it. I’ve never been a coward before now.
♠ ♠ ♠
I have Internet!