Status: Never give up. You are enough.
No One Said It'd Be Easy.
Three.
A year later: nine years old. Living with Mommy. Never saw Daddy. I didn't even know where he was. I hadn't seen him in over six months. Not since a few months after May, which was a few months after I watched him leave.
Weeks after Mommy filed for divorce, Daddy was already out of our house and gone. I sat down in the back of his L-Camino and silently protested as box after box filled up the trunk. It was my lame attempt at a silent protest for him to not leave. Because I was so young, I didn't understand what was truly going on and no one ever bothered to tell me which in turn, killed me on the inside. We lived in a circle. the street was small and when you came up all the way, there was a large circle. Our house was placed right when the circle started to form. I stood in the street and watched as my dad drove away. No words were spoken between the two of us, or anyone in our family for the past few days. We hadn't eaten dinner together in the past week and Mommy had gotten two new part time jobs on top of the one she worked at my school. I was now going with my mom to Kid's Club in the mornings and walking home straight after school so Mommy could go to work at her other jobs. She never returned home until late in the nights when I was supposed to be asleep. But I could never sleep without Mommy being home, and I still can't to this day. There's always been a sort of comfort knowing she is in the house with me; to protect me from my bad dreams and my sister every now and then. Things with my sister were silent too. She mostly stayed in her room and did only God knows what. It wasn't until I was 12 when I found out, she cut herself. Mommy generally made Mac 'n Cheese in the mornings and stored it in the fridge until we got home with instructions on how to heat it up and for how long. Problem was, neither one of us liked Mac 'n Cheese after a week of eating it straight. So we were left to find dinner for ourselves. It usually led to toast with butter, sugar, and cinnamon on top. It had been my favorite since I was really young. After that got old, we branched out to trying our own recipes which just led to a big mess. Oops.
One day after school Mommy told Sissy and I that she was going to take us out for dinner. The excitement generated in each of us at the sound of just "going out". We decided on Applebee's and left at six PM right after Kid's Club. It was a good dinner. I ordered the one thing I always got no matter where we were: chicken nuggets and french fries. After dinner, Mommy paid and we set for home. While in the parking lot, Mommy said she needed to tell us something: the true reason her and Daddy are getting divorced.
I remember these words come out of my mother's mouth like it was yesterday. Her sweet, soft voice tried to comfort us after each word.
"You know how Daddy was never really home?" She asked. We both nodded. "Well, that's because he was cheating on Mommy." Silence. I didn't know what it meant, so without a clue, I asked. "It's when someone goes off and does stuff with other women/men."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Things only married people do."
I knew what that meant: kissing. Lol. I was naive as a child.
My sister kept a straight face, so I did too. Mommy seemed surprised. Then, we just drove the ten minutes back home in silence.
Now, I realize that's not the only reason that my parents split. In later years, I also discovered that my dad hit my mom. And the reason I hadn't seen him in so long was because my mom had a restraining order against him and he couldn't come near Mommy or us kids without being arrested. Another reason was: he tried to kill her. Turns out that they were driving home one night after a fight from somewhere and Daddy was driving too fast so naturally Mom asked him to slow down. Well, he didn't. He cruised past a stop sign and my mom took the opportunity to jump out of the car with only scratches. What did he do? He left her. She walked home that night and I hadn't even realized that something was wrong until Mommy stumbled through the door and came into my room to kiss me goodnight. Now, I'm aware of what really happened in their relationship and that has put bruises on my relationship with my dad. He's been lying to me my whole life and still does. He still cheats to this day and I've caught him. He lies to his family and they all hate my mom because they think she cheated and not him. He just doesn't understand and that's the real reason I have a problem with him, it's nothing further than that.
Here you go: my parents split and it has left emotional damages on me. I now have trust issues. I can't trust very many people. And I hate cheaters. I swore to myself that if I ever got cheated on, I would never forgive the poor sucker who did it to me. I still live to that promise. Even today.
I'm not homophobic. In fact, my cousin is bisexual. I do not love her any less for that and some of my closest friends are gay and bisexual too. I do not have a problem with that. But, my middle school did. Which leads us to the biggest lie that ruined my middle school years: sixth grade.
Weeks after Mommy filed for divorce, Daddy was already out of our house and gone. I sat down in the back of his L-Camino and silently protested as box after box filled up the trunk. It was my lame attempt at a silent protest for him to not leave. Because I was so young, I didn't understand what was truly going on and no one ever bothered to tell me which in turn, killed me on the inside. We lived in a circle. the street was small and when you came up all the way, there was a large circle. Our house was placed right when the circle started to form. I stood in the street and watched as my dad drove away. No words were spoken between the two of us, or anyone in our family for the past few days. We hadn't eaten dinner together in the past week and Mommy had gotten two new part time jobs on top of the one she worked at my school. I was now going with my mom to Kid's Club in the mornings and walking home straight after school so Mommy could go to work at her other jobs. She never returned home until late in the nights when I was supposed to be asleep. But I could never sleep without Mommy being home, and I still can't to this day. There's always been a sort of comfort knowing she is in the house with me; to protect me from my bad dreams and my sister every now and then. Things with my sister were silent too. She mostly stayed in her room and did only God knows what. It wasn't until I was 12 when I found out, she cut herself. Mommy generally made Mac 'n Cheese in the mornings and stored it in the fridge until we got home with instructions on how to heat it up and for how long. Problem was, neither one of us liked Mac 'n Cheese after a week of eating it straight. So we were left to find dinner for ourselves. It usually led to toast with butter, sugar, and cinnamon on top. It had been my favorite since I was really young. After that got old, we branched out to trying our own recipes which just led to a big mess. Oops.
One day after school Mommy told Sissy and I that she was going to take us out for dinner. The excitement generated in each of us at the sound of just "going out". We decided on Applebee's and left at six PM right after Kid's Club. It was a good dinner. I ordered the one thing I always got no matter where we were: chicken nuggets and french fries. After dinner, Mommy paid and we set for home. While in the parking lot, Mommy said she needed to tell us something: the true reason her and Daddy are getting divorced.
I remember these words come out of my mother's mouth like it was yesterday. Her sweet, soft voice tried to comfort us after each word.
"You know how Daddy was never really home?" She asked. We both nodded. "Well, that's because he was cheating on Mommy." Silence. I didn't know what it meant, so without a clue, I asked. "It's when someone goes off and does stuff with other women/men."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Things only married people do."
I knew what that meant: kissing. Lol. I was naive as a child.
My sister kept a straight face, so I did too. Mommy seemed surprised. Then, we just drove the ten minutes back home in silence.
Now, I realize that's not the only reason that my parents split. In later years, I also discovered that my dad hit my mom. And the reason I hadn't seen him in so long was because my mom had a restraining order against him and he couldn't come near Mommy or us kids without being arrested. Another reason was: he tried to kill her. Turns out that they were driving home one night after a fight from somewhere and Daddy was driving too fast so naturally Mom asked him to slow down. Well, he didn't. He cruised past a stop sign and my mom took the opportunity to jump out of the car with only scratches. What did he do? He left her. She walked home that night and I hadn't even realized that something was wrong until Mommy stumbled through the door and came into my room to kiss me goodnight. Now, I'm aware of what really happened in their relationship and that has put bruises on my relationship with my dad. He's been lying to me my whole life and still does. He still cheats to this day and I've caught him. He lies to his family and they all hate my mom because they think she cheated and not him. He just doesn't understand and that's the real reason I have a problem with him, it's nothing further than that.
Here you go: my parents split and it has left emotional damages on me. I now have trust issues. I can't trust very many people. And I hate cheaters. I swore to myself that if I ever got cheated on, I would never forgive the poor sucker who did it to me. I still live to that promise. Even today.
I'm not homophobic. In fact, my cousin is bisexual. I do not love her any less for that and some of my closest friends are gay and bisexual too. I do not have a problem with that. But, my middle school did. Which leads us to the biggest lie that ruined my middle school years: sixth grade.