Status: Never give up. You are enough.
No One Said It'd Be Easy.
Eight.
Talking doesn't help. Crying doesn't help. Screaming doesn't help. Cutting...helps. But I promised. NO MORE CUTTING. That stupid fucking promise. If it was anyone other than Memily or Hunter, I wouldn't have kept it. But it's them. So I've been good and I've kept that promise for over a month now. But am I that strong to keep it? I'm trying, I really am.
I'm in the car and we're going home on a sunny day, my window is rolled down and the wind hits my face as the car rolls over a speed bump. It was a terrible day at school and I really just wanted to go home and hide under my covers and never come out. Kids are playing outside, happy and joyous without a care in the world. "Why can't that be me?" That single thought plays over and over again in my mind like a broken record.
"I could have been anyone, but instead, I'm just me."
-I saw this on someone's story the other day. I don't remember the author but if they happen to be reading this story, they get full credit for that sentence.
Instead of being anyone else, I'm just me. Just Megan. Just another broken heart. Just another person who lies constantly.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Of course!"
"AWW, Megan. You look like you need a hug."
"Naaah. I'm fine."
Truth is, I'm far from okay. I'm here in the middle of the United States and Mr. Okay is all the way in fucking Hong Kong.
His name is Hunter and he makes me so happy. But my "best friend", Toni, likes him too. I didn't know this until a few days ago. She hasn't looked at me, let alone talked to me since Monday. It's now Friday. Ant it's all because of a boy. "I can't do this." I cannot even count how many times those four words repeat in my mind. It's just so ridiculous. Are you going to let our friendship die because of a guy? I can't believe it. You're gone. And now I'm alone.
Two people. Two fucking people talk to me at lunch: Hunter and Hannah. Curtis and Keali sometimes too. What makes me mad is that she had ample opportunities to tell me she liked him too and NEVER, not ONCE did she EVER. Somehow, that's all my fault. In her mind, I was just magically supposed to know. Sorry, I can't read minds? I told you three weeks ago how I felt about him and you had no response. You could have told me. I wasn't going to say, "NO! You can't like him because I do." That's stupid. But obviously you have no problem whatsoever doing that because you are.
"It's just so typical of you to walk away when your perfect little world comes tumbling down. It's easier to kick me when I'm low. I just thought that you should know that I've been holding on while you've been letting go. Can I be so bold, 'cause all this sucking up to you is just getting old. What I really meant to say with every little breath I take, I'm not the only one that makes mistakes, just think of all the ones you've made. I know I said I'm sorry, but that's not what I meant to say." -What I Meant To Say-Chris Daughtry.
I'm in French, I hear an ambulance drive by my school and I pray that it's come for me, even though I'm not hurt. I just want someone to save me. I don't want to be there. I didn't care if freaking Santa's sleigh pulled up or the Bat Mobile. I just wanted to leave.
I like how you're mad at me. Like everything is my fault, right? Pretty much. What else is new? It's okay, you never let me forget how I couldn't do anything right and still can't. Thank you, BEST.FUCKING.FRIEND. You're being a bitch. I just call them how I see them and right now, I see you as a jealous, selfish, bitch.
I was the last to know. You told every one else and their mother before you even told me. You hadn't looked at me in four days and you didn't feel the need to tell me? WTF? Didn't you at least think I deserved to know? I think I did. But I'm just not good enough am I? I've cried too many times because of you just this week. And for what? Absolutely nothing. You kept saying I was your best friend. I've been through so much this year: all the lies with Phil, and your fight with Sara, and the drama with Jaid and Tiffany and your mom and absolutely EVERYFUCKINGTHING. But I guess it doesn't matter. Even though I was there through it all, it's still my fault. nice. If you've felt this way about me and Hunter for this long, why did you keep saying I was your best friend when clearly you didn't mean it. Because best friends do not treat each other like this. Why can't you just let us be happy? Just why? Answer that and I'll leave you alone forever. But the thing is that you just want him for yourself and you're pissed he likes me over you. Jealous much? Dayum. I obviously understand how you're feeling. I've liked Hunter since December and it's now March. I liked him almost the whole time him and Justice were dating..and just because they were dating, didn't mean I stopped talking to him. I liked Alec when he liked Keali back in September. And I didn't stop talking to either of them. Do me a favor and grow the fuck up. I didn't do anything wrong. I like your facebook status btw. "Congratulations, i hate you[: " How mature. Way to act like a high schooler.
"I know I said I'm sorry. But that's not what I meant to say. "
I'm in the car and we're going home on a sunny day, my window is rolled down and the wind hits my face as the car rolls over a speed bump. It was a terrible day at school and I really just wanted to go home and hide under my covers and never come out. Kids are playing outside, happy and joyous without a care in the world. "Why can't that be me?" That single thought plays over and over again in my mind like a broken record.
"I could have been anyone, but instead, I'm just me."
-I saw this on someone's story the other day. I don't remember the author but if they happen to be reading this story, they get full credit for that sentence.
Instead of being anyone else, I'm just me. Just Megan. Just another broken heart. Just another person who lies constantly.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Of course!"
"AWW, Megan. You look like you need a hug."
"Naaah. I'm fine."
Truth is, I'm far from okay. I'm here in the middle of the United States and Mr. Okay is all the way in fucking Hong Kong.
His name is Hunter and he makes me so happy. But my "best friend", Toni, likes him too. I didn't know this until a few days ago. She hasn't looked at me, let alone talked to me since Monday. It's now Friday. Ant it's all because of a boy. "I can't do this." I cannot even count how many times those four words repeat in my mind. It's just so ridiculous. Are you going to let our friendship die because of a guy? I can't believe it. You're gone. And now I'm alone.
Two people. Two fucking people talk to me at lunch: Hunter and Hannah. Curtis and Keali sometimes too. What makes me mad is that she had ample opportunities to tell me she liked him too and NEVER, not ONCE did she EVER. Somehow, that's all my fault. In her mind, I was just magically supposed to know. Sorry, I can't read minds? I told you three weeks ago how I felt about him and you had no response. You could have told me. I wasn't going to say, "NO! You can't like him because I do." That's stupid. But obviously you have no problem whatsoever doing that because you are.
"It's just so typical of you to walk away when your perfect little world comes tumbling down. It's easier to kick me when I'm low. I just thought that you should know that I've been holding on while you've been letting go. Can I be so bold, 'cause all this sucking up to you is just getting old. What I really meant to say with every little breath I take, I'm not the only one that makes mistakes, just think of all the ones you've made. I know I said I'm sorry, but that's not what I meant to say." -What I Meant To Say-Chris Daughtry.
I'm in French, I hear an ambulance drive by my school and I pray that it's come for me, even though I'm not hurt. I just want someone to save me. I don't want to be there. I didn't care if freaking Santa's sleigh pulled up or the Bat Mobile. I just wanted to leave.
I like how you're mad at me. Like everything is my fault, right? Pretty much. What else is new? It's okay, you never let me forget how I couldn't do anything right and still can't. Thank you, BEST.FUCKING.FRIEND. You're being a bitch. I just call them how I see them and right now, I see you as a jealous, selfish, bitch.
I was the last to know. You told every one else and their mother before you even told me. You hadn't looked at me in four days and you didn't feel the need to tell me? WTF? Didn't you at least think I deserved to know? I think I did. But I'm just not good enough am I? I've cried too many times because of you just this week. And for what? Absolutely nothing. You kept saying I was your best friend. I've been through so much this year: all the lies with Phil, and your fight with Sara, and the drama with Jaid and Tiffany and your mom and absolutely EVERYFUCKINGTHING. But I guess it doesn't matter. Even though I was there through it all, it's still my fault. nice. If you've felt this way about me and Hunter for this long, why did you keep saying I was your best friend when clearly you didn't mean it. Because best friends do not treat each other like this. Why can't you just let us be happy? Just why? Answer that and I'll leave you alone forever. But the thing is that you just want him for yourself and you're pissed he likes me over you. Jealous much? Dayum. I obviously understand how you're feeling. I've liked Hunter since December and it's now March. I liked him almost the whole time him and Justice were dating..and just because they were dating, didn't mean I stopped talking to him. I liked Alec when he liked Keali back in September. And I didn't stop talking to either of them. Do me a favor and grow the fuck up. I didn't do anything wrong. I like your facebook status btw. "Congratulations, i hate you[: " How mature. Way to act like a high schooler.
"I know I said I'm sorry. But that's not what I meant to say. "