Lucky I'm in Love
2/2
After Alex left I pressed my fingers to my lips. They were tingling.
“She loves me,” I whispered to myself.
I slid down to the floor and took my diary from the cabinet. No one knew I had a diary, cause I kept it in secret. Mom never came in this bathroom, being that it was for Alex and I, and Alex never used or went through the cabinets. It was a better hiding place then anywhere in my room.
…
1.4.11
Dear Diary,
Dad’s gone.
I guess it’s hard to realize he’s not coming back…
I have nightmares every night now. The only one who cares is Alex. Mom’s been out a lot more recently. It’s like she doesn’t have to care for me and Alex anymore…Alex cares for me though.
She holds me and somehow keeps the nightmares away. She’s my hero. My Spiderman, Batman, Superman, my Wonder Woman.
I love her and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
2.14.11
Dear Diary,
I hate this year so far.
My boyfriend of a year and a half has been cheating on me, cause I didn’t have sex with him.
I told him before we started dating, I’m waiting. For true love/marriage, whichever, and I had truly thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I guess it was all a lie.
I was going to tell him that I was ready tonight, valentines day, but instead I found him having sex with my friend. She wasn’t that close a friend, but still, it hurt.
I came home crying and Alex comforted me, just like she had for when Dad left.
She’s like my lifeline. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her…I’d probably kill myself.
I need her. So, so much.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
4.12.11
Dear Diary,
Alex.
She’s all I can think about.
I don’t know why, I just can’t keep my mind off my dearest sister. She’s been on my mind for a while now, but I’ve tried passing it off as her being there for me with everything that’s been going on.
I don’t think that’s it though. It’s weird. I find myself thinking about her.
Just this morning I did…She came home with newly pierced ears and I thought that her gauged ears make her look, dare I write it, hot.
I can’t figure out why I’m thinking about her this way! It’s confusing me.
Sisters aren’t supposed to feel this way about one another.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
4.29.11
Dear Diary,
I know what I’ll do!
I’ll ask her. Alex will know what to do.
I’ll ask her tomorrow. Will she still love me? I hope so. I need her. I depend upon her.
I love her.
This isn’t normal, that’s for sure, but I know it’s real. Way more real then Kevin.
I’m in love with my sister.
-Anna
…
Why hadn’t I asked her? I promised myself I would…She just looked at me…
I can’t handle pressure and she put it all on me.
I took my pen from it’s position in the spiral.
…
4.30.11
Dear Diary,
I screwed up. I didn’t ask her if she’d love me no matter what… I chickened out.
I wish I was more like Alex. She doesn’t care if she hurts people, she says the truth…
Speaking of…She told me she loves me…She kissed me too…
I’m such a hypocrite. I basically told her I didn’t love her that way…
But I do.
I wish I could rewind time and make it so I kissed her back…All I did was enjoy the kisses.
The first one scared me so much I ran inside…I’m such an idiot, but I ran.
The second one I pushed her away…I wish I didn’t, but I did.
The third, and last, one I let her kiss me. I can still feel her lips on mine, but they’re not there anymore…
I love her so much and I might’ve pushed her away from me…I’ve gotta make it better. I’ve got to have my Alex back.
Hope this works.
-Anna
…
I hid my diary and went out of the bathroom and to Alex’s room. I tried opening it, to realize it was locked. Crap. She wasn’t making this easy. I knew she’d have her headphones in while listening to her iPod on high volume.
I went over to my room and got the small key from the top of the door frame. I went back to Alex’s door and opened it once I unlocked it.
Alex was on her bed banging her head to the music. I took a deep breath. Actions speak louder than words.
I walked over to her, grabbed her face in my hands, and kissed her.
She didn’t kiss back. I pulled away and she took her headphones out. She looked at me confused. “Why’d you kiss me? I thought you thought it was wrong.”
I shook my head. “I told you I was confused…Honestly, Alex, I didn’t think you loved me this way. But I’m…I’m glad you do.”
“You are?”
I nodded and sat in her lap. “I love you, Alex. So, so, so much.” I kissed her again and this time she kissed me back.
We pulled away as the door opened. “Alex?” I put my head on Alex’s shoulder as Mom came in. “Anna?…What’s wrong?”
“Anna’s upset,” Alex answered.
“Oh…Well, why don’t you two go to the beach house for the weekend? Get some time alone…”
“Sure. We’ll leave soon, since what’s-his-face is coming over tonight, I assume,” She said.
“The keys are on the hook,” Mom said leaving the room.
“She’s such a bitch,” Alex muttered.
I shrugged. “We get to go to the beach house though…”
She nodded. “Only good thing about that talk. Go change and pack a good two weeks clothes in your bag.”
“Two weeks? She only said weekend…”
“So? We’re taking a break.” She kissed me again and slid out from under me and went to her closet.
I shook my head and went to my room.
This was going to be a nice two weeks. The beach, time alone, Alex.
I could get used to this…
Sure everything was less confusing when Alex and I weren’t in love with each other…but I didn’t feel complete.
I felt complete now and Alex and I had only confessed our love to each other.
It was enough. I love her and I won’t stop loving her. All I can do now is make up for all the times she’s held me in her arms.
I’ll keep my Alex by my side forever.
“She loves me,” I whispered to myself.
I slid down to the floor and took my diary from the cabinet. No one knew I had a diary, cause I kept it in secret. Mom never came in this bathroom, being that it was for Alex and I, and Alex never used or went through the cabinets. It was a better hiding place then anywhere in my room.
…
1.4.11
Dear Diary,
Dad’s gone.
I guess it’s hard to realize he’s not coming back…
I have nightmares every night now. The only one who cares is Alex. Mom’s been out a lot more recently. It’s like she doesn’t have to care for me and Alex anymore…Alex cares for me though.
She holds me and somehow keeps the nightmares away. She’s my hero. My Spiderman, Batman, Superman, my Wonder Woman.
I love her and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
2.14.11
Dear Diary,
I hate this year so far.
My boyfriend of a year and a half has been cheating on me, cause I didn’t have sex with him.
I told him before we started dating, I’m waiting. For true love/marriage, whichever, and I had truly thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I guess it was all a lie.
I was going to tell him that I was ready tonight, valentines day, but instead I found him having sex with my friend. She wasn’t that close a friend, but still, it hurt.
I came home crying and Alex comforted me, just like she had for when Dad left.
She’s like my lifeline. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her…I’d probably kill myself.
I need her. So, so much.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
4.12.11
Dear Diary,
Alex.
She’s all I can think about.
I don’t know why, I just can’t keep my mind off my dearest sister. She’s been on my mind for a while now, but I’ve tried passing it off as her being there for me with everything that’s been going on.
I don’t think that’s it though. It’s weird. I find myself thinking about her.
Just this morning I did…She came home with newly pierced ears and I thought that her gauged ears make her look, dare I write it, hot.
I can’t figure out why I’m thinking about her this way! It’s confusing me.
Sisters aren’t supposed to feel this way about one another.
-Anna
…
…
…
…
4.29.11
Dear Diary,
I know what I’ll do!
I’ll ask her. Alex will know what to do.
I’ll ask her tomorrow. Will she still love me? I hope so. I need her. I depend upon her.
I love her.
This isn’t normal, that’s for sure, but I know it’s real. Way more real then Kevin.
I’m in love with my sister.
-Anna
…
Why hadn’t I asked her? I promised myself I would…She just looked at me…
I can’t handle pressure and she put it all on me.
I took my pen from it’s position in the spiral.
…
4.30.11
Dear Diary,
I screwed up. I didn’t ask her if she’d love me no matter what… I chickened out.
I wish I was more like Alex. She doesn’t care if she hurts people, she says the truth…
Speaking of…She told me she loves me…She kissed me too…
I’m such a hypocrite. I basically told her I didn’t love her that way…
But I do.
I wish I could rewind time and make it so I kissed her back…All I did was enjoy the kisses.
The first one scared me so much I ran inside…I’m such an idiot, but I ran.
The second one I pushed her away…I wish I didn’t, but I did.
The third, and last, one I let her kiss me. I can still feel her lips on mine, but they’re not there anymore…
I love her so much and I might’ve pushed her away from me…I’ve gotta make it better. I’ve got to have my Alex back.
Hope this works.
-Anna
…
I hid my diary and went out of the bathroom and to Alex’s room. I tried opening it, to realize it was locked. Crap. She wasn’t making this easy. I knew she’d have her headphones in while listening to her iPod on high volume.
I went over to my room and got the small key from the top of the door frame. I went back to Alex’s door and opened it once I unlocked it.
Alex was on her bed banging her head to the music. I took a deep breath. Actions speak louder than words.
I walked over to her, grabbed her face in my hands, and kissed her.
She didn’t kiss back. I pulled away and she took her headphones out. She looked at me confused. “Why’d you kiss me? I thought you thought it was wrong.”
I shook my head. “I told you I was confused…Honestly, Alex, I didn’t think you loved me this way. But I’m…I’m glad you do.”
“You are?”
I nodded and sat in her lap. “I love you, Alex. So, so, so much.” I kissed her again and this time she kissed me back.
We pulled away as the door opened. “Alex?” I put my head on Alex’s shoulder as Mom came in. “Anna?…What’s wrong?”
“Anna’s upset,” Alex answered.
“Oh…Well, why don’t you two go to the beach house for the weekend? Get some time alone…”
“Sure. We’ll leave soon, since what’s-his-face is coming over tonight, I assume,” She said.
“The keys are on the hook,” Mom said leaving the room.
“She’s such a bitch,” Alex muttered.
I shrugged. “We get to go to the beach house though…”
She nodded. “Only good thing about that talk. Go change and pack a good two weeks clothes in your bag.”
“Two weeks? She only said weekend…”
“So? We’re taking a break.” She kissed me again and slid out from under me and went to her closet.
I shook my head and went to my room.
This was going to be a nice two weeks. The beach, time alone, Alex.
I could get used to this…
Sure everything was less confusing when Alex and I weren’t in love with each other…but I didn’t feel complete.
I felt complete now and Alex and I had only confessed our love to each other.
It was enough. I love her and I won’t stop loving her. All I can do now is make up for all the times she’s held me in her arms.
I’ll keep my Alex by my side forever.