Guy
; one
7th March, Monday
It's half a year today. 6 months. Approximately 24 weeks. I cannot believe I've been living with this inside me for 168 days. Maybe. I don't know, I'm no good at Maths. Actually, it's been 4032 hours since the day I was diagnosed (I know this because I used a calculator). Before the test results came back, I'd always had a sneaking suspicion that there was something bad living inside of me. That's the reason I asked to be tested in the first place.
I kind of wish I hadn't.
I asked Mum this morning if she knew the significance of today. She said that of course she did, what kind of mother would she be if she didn't. Kaitlen then turned around and said, "A bad one." Gosh, she's gotten so bratty lately. I don't know what's wrong with her.
No, I just lied. I do know. She's only 14, and her sister's dying. How is she supposed to act? I know I'd be the same if I was in her shoes. But I don't like to think of that. It makes me feel so guilty that I didn't open my mouth earlier and just spit it out that I was not feeling myself. Maybe then it would have been easier to deal, knowing that this cancer wasn't as widespread as it was now. Maybe then it would have been better.
But I doubt it.
Today at school, Courtney came running up to me and threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, but weakly. It really takes it out of you, you know, pretending that everything's alright.
"How are you?" She asked.
"Good," I said, shaking my head. I looked up to the ceiling to stop the tears. I don't start crying when I feel upset until someone asks me if I'm okay. I know, it's weird. But that's just me.
"Oh Im, please don't cry," Court pleaded. She took me in her arms again. "You know I'm always here for you, right?"
I nodded. But honestly, it meant nothing to me. You have no idea how many times I've heard that lately.
It's half a year today. 6 months. Approximately 24 weeks. I cannot believe I've been living with this inside me for 168 days. Maybe. I don't know, I'm no good at Maths. Actually, it's been 4032 hours since the day I was diagnosed (I know this because I used a calculator). Before the test results came back, I'd always had a sneaking suspicion that there was something bad living inside of me. That's the reason I asked to be tested in the first place.
I kind of wish I hadn't.
I asked Mum this morning if she knew the significance of today. She said that of course she did, what kind of mother would she be if she didn't. Kaitlen then turned around and said, "A bad one." Gosh, she's gotten so bratty lately. I don't know what's wrong with her.
No, I just lied. I do know. She's only 14, and her sister's dying. How is she supposed to act? I know I'd be the same if I was in her shoes. But I don't like to think of that. It makes me feel so guilty that I didn't open my mouth earlier and just spit it out that I was not feeling myself. Maybe then it would have been easier to deal, knowing that this cancer wasn't as widespread as it was now. Maybe then it would have been better.
But I doubt it.
Today at school, Courtney came running up to me and threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, but weakly. It really takes it out of you, you know, pretending that everything's alright.
"How are you?" She asked.
"Good," I said, shaking my head. I looked up to the ceiling to stop the tears. I don't start crying when I feel upset until someone asks me if I'm okay. I know, it's weird. But that's just me.
"Oh Im, please don't cry," Court pleaded. She took me in her arms again. "You know I'm always here for you, right?"
I nodded. But honestly, it meant nothing to me. You have no idea how many times I've heard that lately.