Status: forgot about this so might continue
Nevermind
your head
I'm not suffering. I'm not in pain. I'm not guilty. I'm not hated. I don't hate myself. Maybe I couldn't accept that I was completely normal. There has to be something wrong with the thoughts that went through my head everyday. I hate the idea that maybe I'm like every other teenager. I'm not special, I'm not different.
I'm just like every other shithead in the world. Filled with lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.
And that's where she fit in perfectly. Of course, she was everything as well, but she had a place in things. She belonged everywhere. She seemed to be a part of everything, without even trying.
I discovered some new things about Karolina the other day. She does ballet, how did I never know this? She had been doing ballet since she was 7.
I think it was november by now; but still a bit warm out; Nick called me up to come over and watch lords of dogtown but karolina invited me for dinner at a place near her house.
I biked over in the rain and she met me on her porch with her new bike. She smiled, tilted her head to the side and said, "It's my baby."
She bought a creme coloured sekine road bike and she's fast, I swear. We skidded along on our bikes and slid into our booth at the diner dripping with water. Karolina always bought ill-fitting clothes and her rainjacket was no exception.
"I'm getting grilled cheese." She said, without even looking at the menu. "Oh and a strawberry milkshake."
I looked up and smiled but she was already busy with the tiny jukebox.
The waitress came by and I ordered something off the 24 hour breakfast menu, 2 pancakes, bacon, fried egg, potatoes, fruit and a cup of hot chocolate.
We said thank you way too many times.
I told Karolina that Nick was jealous of all the time we were spending together and she laughed and took a sip of her milkshake. We talked about the upcoming trip to Montreal and we talked about Kaede and her friends. Karolina said very little about Kaede, I did most of the talking. I think she was afraid to say anything about her, and Kaede was that kind of girl too. She asked me to take a picture of her with the grilled cheese because it was the best grilled cheese she's ever had. She said I should be her train buddy on the way to Montreal and I couldn't help feeling special.
"You like hot chocolate huh?" She asked as I gulped down my first cup. She gladly ordered me one more. And another. And another. She called me hot chocolate boy after that day.
I'm just like every other shithead in the world. Filled with lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.
And that's where she fit in perfectly. Of course, she was everything as well, but she had a place in things. She belonged everywhere. She seemed to be a part of everything, without even trying.
I discovered some new things about Karolina the other day. She does ballet, how did I never know this? She had been doing ballet since she was 7.
I think it was november by now; but still a bit warm out; Nick called me up to come over and watch lords of dogtown but karolina invited me for dinner at a place near her house.
I biked over in the rain and she met me on her porch with her new bike. She smiled, tilted her head to the side and said, "It's my baby."
She bought a creme coloured sekine road bike and she's fast, I swear. We skidded along on our bikes and slid into our booth at the diner dripping with water. Karolina always bought ill-fitting clothes and her rainjacket was no exception.
"I'm getting grilled cheese." She said, without even looking at the menu. "Oh and a strawberry milkshake."
I looked up and smiled but she was already busy with the tiny jukebox.
The waitress came by and I ordered something off the 24 hour breakfast menu, 2 pancakes, bacon, fried egg, potatoes, fruit and a cup of hot chocolate.
We said thank you way too many times.
I told Karolina that Nick was jealous of all the time we were spending together and she laughed and took a sip of her milkshake. We talked about the upcoming trip to Montreal and we talked about Kaede and her friends. Karolina said very little about Kaede, I did most of the talking. I think she was afraid to say anything about her, and Kaede was that kind of girl too. She asked me to take a picture of her with the grilled cheese because it was the best grilled cheese she's ever had. She said I should be her train buddy on the way to Montreal and I couldn't help feeling special.
"You like hot chocolate huh?" She asked as I gulped down my first cup. She gladly ordered me one more. And another. And another. She called me hot chocolate boy after that day.