Status: Attackative
Jagged Edges
Treason
The week passes by in somewhat of a blur. Before I can catch it, time slips by like the sneaky bastard it is and it's Friday already. I hadn't seen Gian since that day during study hall and I was hoping to keep it that way until I figured out all of my confusing thoughts.
Part of me wanted to ignore the walls I had built around myself and befriend him but the bigger, more dominant side of me was screaming that there was a reason I had built those walls in the first place and not to fuck up five years of of detachment. I was a quarter of the way through senior year. After graduation I could leave this place and all of the confining Walls. Becoming friends with anyone could put my freedom in jeopardy
The final bell rings, signaling the beginning of he much-needed weekend. I stuff all my books into my locker and head out to the student parking lot but I'm stopped before my TOMS have a chance to hit the pavement.
"Treason! Can I talk to you?"
I turn and see Gian pushing through the crowd of students. He beams when he finally catches up and I return his smile awkwardly. "Hey Gian."
"Hey." He breathes, suddenly nervous. "I haven't seen you around in a while."
"Yeah, I've been... avoiding life." I finish lamely.
"Oh. Well, I just wanted you to know that I've heard all the rumors about you and your brother and jail and whatnot." Gian admits, looking everywhere but at me.
My heart jumps to my throat as I realize that any decision I had to make about being friends with the boy standing in front of me may have already been made for me. "You have?"
"Yeah, and I don't believe any of them." He insists, suddenly looking me directly in the eye.
"You don't?" I ask, genuinely surprised.
"Not a word.
"Why not? Everyone else does."
"You don't seem like the type of guy who would do that and I've been trained to trust my gut instinct. Besides, I don't believe rumors unless there's evidence or eyewitnesses. In your case there's neither. I'm not one to condemn a man before he's been proven guilty." Gian shows off his perfectly straight, white teeth.
"Well, thank you." I mumble. "You're the first person who's ever granted me that courtesy."
"No problem. I just wanted you to know. I've got to get going. My first GSA meeting starts in two minutes."
I nod at him and he grants me one last smile before turning and disappearing back inside the school. I manage to make it back to my car before all the questions start attacking my mind.
Was he serious about not believing them?
Who had told him in the first place?
Why did he feel the need to tell me?
What did this mean in terms of friendship?
What the hell is GSA?
That last question was easy to answer after a short trip to google on my phone but it only raised another question.
Is Gian Vercillian gay?
All of these thoughts and questions swirled around in my head for the next few hours and I could hardly focus in anything else. I finally decided to just lay on my bed with my guitar and play until my fingers, and, in turn, my mind, went numb.
I didn't even notice that Amren had gotten here, much less entered my room. He plops down in my bed and startles me out of my position.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, heart still hammering.
"It's Friday and this is my week to stay here." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, which, in all honesty, it kind of is. "What's wrong? You're all spacey."
"Nothing." I lie.
He eyes me warily for a second before frowning and then shrugging. "If you say so. Can you play me something? Since you already have your guitar out and everything."
I roll my eyes and sit up. I have the perfect song. It's been something I've been wanting to say to him for a while but I never knew how. This song popped up the last time I had my iPod on shuffle and it's perfect. I had considered not even bringing it up for fear that it'd cause a fight but after everything that's happened today, I think it's time.
I count off softly and start plucking the strings, creating a mellow sound.
The song ends without a hitch and real life comes crashing down on me with hardly a warning. Amren looks as if he's about to cry and I hold onto the silence for just a bit longer.
"Treason, are you- I mean, you're trying to tell me something, aren't you?" He asks gently.
I nod. "Ren, I just feel so detached from you. We used to be so close but we never talk anymore-"
"Yeah, we do." He interrupts.
"No, we don't. Not about what we have to talk about. Not about what happened." I clarify.
"There's nothing to talk about. It happened five, almost six, years ago."
"Yeah, and you haven't been the same since. Hell, nobody has been the same! You fucked everything up and you can't even talk to me about it?" Suddenly I'm pissed beyond compare.
"It's been six years! People change, Treason. You're the only one hanging onto the past! Let go of your stupid fucking emo 'Walls' and just be happy! I am. Dad is. Mom is. You're the only one who wants everything to go back to how it was."
"Really? You're happy living in two different houses with parents who barely speak? Are you happy being dependent on a drug that you both don't need and can't afford? News flash! Mom isn't happy. She cries once every other day. Dad isn't happy! He's exhausted working two jobs, trying to pay for the meds you don't need! You're just too selfish and fucked up to realize that." I scream.
Mom hears the screaming and bursts into the room, breaking up our fight. She sends Amren from the room but not before a few last words are spoken.
"Six years, Treason."
"Yeah, six years. It's time to grow up and realize that you need help."
"Get rid of the fucking 'Walls' and we'll talk. It's not my fault that you don't have friends. That was your choice." At this point, mom smacks him hard and shoves him from the room, following after him but not before giving me a disappointed look before slamming my door. I collapse on my bed and let my thoughts run rampant.
I realize that Amren is right.
If I want him to grow up and get help, I have to grow up and stop blaming other people for my problems.
Part of me wanted to ignore the walls I had built around myself and befriend him but the bigger, more dominant side of me was screaming that there was a reason I had built those walls in the first place and not to fuck up five years of of detachment. I was a quarter of the way through senior year. After graduation I could leave this place and all of the confining Walls. Becoming friends with anyone could put my freedom in jeopardy
The final bell rings, signaling the beginning of he much-needed weekend. I stuff all my books into my locker and head out to the student parking lot but I'm stopped before my TOMS have a chance to hit the pavement.
"Treason! Can I talk to you?"
I turn and see Gian pushing through the crowd of students. He beams when he finally catches up and I return his smile awkwardly. "Hey Gian."
"Hey." He breathes, suddenly nervous. "I haven't seen you around in a while."
"Yeah, I've been... avoiding life." I finish lamely.
"Oh. Well, I just wanted you to know that I've heard all the rumors about you and your brother and jail and whatnot." Gian admits, looking everywhere but at me.
My heart jumps to my throat as I realize that any decision I had to make about being friends with the boy standing in front of me may have already been made for me. "You have?"
"Yeah, and I don't believe any of them." He insists, suddenly looking me directly in the eye.
"You don't?" I ask, genuinely surprised.
"Not a word.
"Why not? Everyone else does."
"You don't seem like the type of guy who would do that and I've been trained to trust my gut instinct. Besides, I don't believe rumors unless there's evidence or eyewitnesses. In your case there's neither. I'm not one to condemn a man before he's been proven guilty." Gian shows off his perfectly straight, white teeth.
"Well, thank you." I mumble. "You're the first person who's ever granted me that courtesy."
"No problem. I just wanted you to know. I've got to get going. My first GSA meeting starts in two minutes."
I nod at him and he grants me one last smile before turning and disappearing back inside the school. I manage to make it back to my car before all the questions start attacking my mind.
Was he serious about not believing them?
Who had told him in the first place?
Why did he feel the need to tell me?
What did this mean in terms of friendship?
What the hell is GSA?
That last question was easy to answer after a short trip to google on my phone but it only raised another question.
Is Gian Vercillian gay?
All of these thoughts and questions swirled around in my head for the next few hours and I could hardly focus in anything else. I finally decided to just lay on my bed with my guitar and play until my fingers, and, in turn, my mind, went numb.
I didn't even notice that Amren had gotten here, much less entered my room. He plops down in my bed and startles me out of my position.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, heart still hammering.
"It's Friday and this is my week to stay here." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, which, in all honesty, it kind of is. "What's wrong? You're all spacey."
"Nothing." I lie.
He eyes me warily for a second before frowning and then shrugging. "If you say so. Can you play me something? Since you already have your guitar out and everything."
I roll my eyes and sit up. I have the perfect song. It's been something I've been wanting to say to him for a while but I never knew how. This song popped up the last time I had my iPod on shuffle and it's perfect. I had considered not even bringing it up for fear that it'd cause a fight but after everything that's happened today, I think it's time.
I count off softly and start plucking the strings, creating a mellow sound.
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
And standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
And standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here
The song ends without a hitch and real life comes crashing down on me with hardly a warning. Amren looks as if he's about to cry and I hold onto the silence for just a bit longer.
"Treason, are you- I mean, you're trying to tell me something, aren't you?" He asks gently.
I nod. "Ren, I just feel so detached from you. We used to be so close but we never talk anymore-"
"Yeah, we do." He interrupts.
"No, we don't. Not about what we have to talk about. Not about what happened." I clarify.
"There's nothing to talk about. It happened five, almost six, years ago."
"Yeah, and you haven't been the same since. Hell, nobody has been the same! You fucked everything up and you can't even talk to me about it?" Suddenly I'm pissed beyond compare.
"It's been six years! People change, Treason. You're the only one hanging onto the past! Let go of your stupid fucking emo 'Walls' and just be happy! I am. Dad is. Mom is. You're the only one who wants everything to go back to how it was."
"Really? You're happy living in two different houses with parents who barely speak? Are you happy being dependent on a drug that you both don't need and can't afford? News flash! Mom isn't happy. She cries once every other day. Dad isn't happy! He's exhausted working two jobs, trying to pay for the meds you don't need! You're just too selfish and fucked up to realize that." I scream.
Mom hears the screaming and bursts into the room, breaking up our fight. She sends Amren from the room but not before a few last words are spoken.
"Six years, Treason."
"Yeah, six years. It's time to grow up and realize that you need help."
"Get rid of the fucking 'Walls' and we'll talk. It's not my fault that you don't have friends. That was your choice." At this point, mom smacks him hard and shoves him from the room, following after him but not before giving me a disappointed look before slamming my door. I collapse on my bed and let my thoughts run rampant.
I realize that Amren is right.
If I want him to grow up and get help, I have to grow up and stop blaming other people for my problems.
♠ ♠ ♠
So, yeah. Treason is getting somewhere.I think my sister will be happy with this.
I decided that this'll be around 60 chapters so we still have a ways to go :)
The song is From Where You Are by Lifehouse. The one from Bridge to Terebithia. Also know as the saddest movie in history. Anyway. Check it out, it's really good.
Emochick920
Skwahdala
UnderTheThought
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