Jagged Edges

I figured it out.

I figured out why Gian makes me act so unlike myself.

I like him. Like, like him like him.

It's such a simple concept that it blows my mind that I didn't think of it sooner. I haven't liked anyone in years so I guess that's why it took me so long to figure it out. But now that I've figured it out I have no idea what to do with it. 

I mean, there's the obvious. I could ask him out and call him mine but I have no idea how to go about doing that. He's the kind of guy who I feel like I need to impress even if I know I don't. Gian is amazingly sweet and he wouldn't be rude if my feelings weren't returned.

Oh god.

What if he doesn't like me back? I don't think I could stand that rejection from him. Especially since he's the first person I've had any interest in since before Amren. It feels like I already have so much invested in him and, in a way, I do. I hadn't realized how much I depended on him until I blew it.

Just imagine what would have happened if I had actually kissed him. He would have been too nice to stop me and then our friendship would be awkward. Gian even tried to comfort me when I finally came to my senses. He's amazing and insane and I have no idea what to do.

With a sigh, I heave myself off the couch and head into my room. One of the things that I love about dads house is that I actually have my own room and don't have to sleep on the floor or something. It's not as personalized as my room back home but it's enough to get me through every other weekend.

I pick up my guitar from where I left it on the bed and admire the new strings before sliding the neck strap on. Singing is how I cope with things, including this. My baby sounds wonderful as I make sure it's tuned correctly and strum out a few chords. I smile and pick at the strings that carry me into a song.



I play the chorus one more time without singing and appreciate the smooth sound while slowly coming out of my self induced trance. Someone clears their throat in the doorway gently and that's when I notice my dad standing there with a small smile on his face.

"That was beautiful, Treason." He compliments, coming fully into the room.

"Thanks."

"Is there . . . anything you wanna talk about?"

"Uhm. Why would ask that?" I ask nervously.

"I'm your dad. I might not live with you all the time but I did have a hand in raising you. There was way too much emotion in that song for you to not have something to get off your chest." He explains, taking a seat next to me. "You don't have to tell me what it is but I'm here if you want to."

"I know, dad." I smile. "I really appreciate that but I don't think you could fix it."

"Maybe not but I could help you fix it."

I sigh and resolve that maybe he really can help. I trust my dad more than anyone in the world, except maybe my mom. So I tell him everything from the fight with Amren to my most recent revelation.

Dad stays silent for a minute before blowing out a breath and nodding slowly. "That's a lot."

"I know."

"So, what's the problem?"

I blink at him. "What do you mean? I like him. I have absolutely no idea how to handle this."

"Ask him out." Dad suggests.

"Gee, I never thought of that." I roll my eyes. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. He isn't helping.

"No, I mean, why can't you? Is he straight?"

"Trust me dad, he's definitely not straight."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm scared, okay?" I blurt. "I'm scared he'll reject me. Or if he doesn't I'm scared that he'll break my heart. Or worse, that I'll break his. I'm scared of opening myself up to someone, especially after Amren."

Dad scratches his neck and nods slowly. "I know you took that hard son. Hell, we all did, but maybe this is a sign that you should start moving on. Maybe it's not a coincidence that this kid-"

"Gian."

"Huh?"

"His name is Gian."

"Right. Maybe it's not a coincidence that Gian is in your life. It sounds like you really like him a lot and if he's anything like what you say he is he'll give you a chance. Just to prove to him that you're worth it." He says, standing and patting my shoulder a few times. "You deserve to be happy kiddo."

I cringe at the nickname but smile anyway. "Thanks dad."

"No problem. Now, I was thinking pizza for dinner."

And just like that I have my answer. I need to prove to Gian that in worth it.

I pick up my phone but set it back down immediately. I can't ask him out over the phone. It has to be classier than that. I have to wait until Monday. That'll give me plenty of time to think of what to say. I just hope I haven't messed things up too badly.