Jagged Edges

Do you know what a lollipop is? It's hard candy on a stick. The simple thought of a lollipop ticks me off. What makes the candy on a lollipop so special that it needs a stick? What the hell kind of shit is that? How is that supposed to make all the other hard candy feel? They probably hate themselves for not being good enough for a god damn stick. 

But you know, I like lollipops. Not because of the fucking stick but because they taste good. They always seem to calm me down after I get over the initial anger over the stick. Whenever feel upset about something, more oven than not it's my dyslexia, all I have to do is grab a Dum-Dum and I'm fine. It's almost exactly like when you give a crying baby a binky. Mom bought me a whole bag of them when she realized the effect they had on me and made sure there were some stashed in every car and in her purse, just in case.

On Sunday afternoon I find myself searching for the bag of suckers I haven needed since Nevada. This whole thing with Treason has got me feeling six-thousand things at once.

Disappointment that he didn't kiss me. Confusion as to why not. Hope that he actually likes me. Anger that he left without an explanation. Frustration that I care so much.

They went through me like waves. One hour I'd be in my bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering why Treason didn't move that one inch to press his lips to mine or, better yet, why didn't I. The very next hour I'd be on a rampage, pacing every available floor space in the house and ranting about Treason and how he should have the balls to just tell me, or show me, how he feels. Where does he get off just leaving like that?!

Mom caught me in the middle of a rant and told me to grab a Dum-Dum which is why I'm unwrapping a cotton candy lollipop. I stick the candy in my mouth and huff out a sigh around the stick, crossing my arms across my chest.

Seriously though, why couldn't he just talk to me about it? I thought we were doing so well.

My door swings open and L'von walks in. "You wanna watch a movie with me?"

I contemplate his offer before nodding. "What movie?"

"I'm thinking Moulin Rouge?" He offers with a smile. 

I beam upon hearing the title of the greatest cinematic creation ever and follow him to the den eagerly. As he's setting up the Blu-Ray player we hear a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." I say, hopping up and walking to the front door. I pull it open and raise an eyebrow at the person on the other side, crunching the last of my lollipop between my teeth and pulling out the stupid unnecessary stick. "Hi Seth."

"Hey Gian." He smiles that irritatingly amazing smile.

"Come in. I'll go get my dad." I step aside and allow him to enter.

"Actually, I uh- I came to see you." He says, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Me?" I ask dumbly, looking up at him.

"Yeah. I just- okay I know this is probably weird and, trust me, it's weird for me too. It's just that I haven't been able to get you off my mind since yesterday and I was wondering if you'd like to get some ice cream with me sometime?"

I blink, slowly processing what he just asked. "It's November. Why would we get ice cream?"

"Oh! I mean, it doesn't have to be ice cream. Maybe coffee? Or something . . ." He trails off. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"Seth, it wasn't a bad idea." I say slowly. "Coffee sounds great. How does Wednesday sound?"

He looks at me for a second and smiles. "Wednesday sounds great."

We exchange numbers and a quick hug before he leaves and I'm left wondering what just happened. I mean, Seth seems like a nice guy. Why not give him a chance? He was brave enough to come over here and ask me out. That's more than I can say for certain people.

And then the guilt washes over me. What the hell was I thinking? I can't go out with Seth. I'm practically in love with Treason, it wouldn't be fair. I haven't even had a chance to talk to him about what happened yet. This could be a mistake.

But you know what? Seth likes me and he was man enough to admit it. Besides, it's one date. What harm could that do?

Huh. Famous last words.