Status: Attackative

Jagged Edges

Treason

After a few days things return back to normal. I spend study hall with Gian again and the awkwardness has seemingly dissipated. I learned that the coffee date was Wednesday which apparently didn't count as a real date. The first official date happens Saturday.

I don't know why I listen to him talk about Seth. It really only depresses me that some other guy stepped up while I was hiding. But the thing that kills me is that Gian tells me everything because we're friends. Just friends.

I hate that fucking word.

"Sunny!" Gian calls, catching up to me in the hallway.

"Hey Gigi."

"Hi. I have to go to Mr. Walsh's room to make posters for GSA. You wanna come?" He asks.

"Ugh. Do I have to? I have zero artistic ability."

"You can sing and play multiple instruments. Zero artistic ability my ass. Anyway, you don't have to. I just didn't want you to be alone."

"What do you think I did before you got here?"

"Well I am here and I'm not going anywhere." He insists.

I smile and wonder if he meant it in the way I wanted him to. "I'll be fine. I'll go to the music room."

"If you say so." He shrugs.

"I do say so. I'll see you at lunch yeah?"

"Of course." He giggles, hugging me quickly before bouncing off down the hallway. I watch him until he disappears around a corner before heading off to the music room.

Mr. Rexroth is leaving as I'm entering. "Oh, hey. I'm headed to lunch. Just lock up when you're done."

"Sure thing." I agree, heading straight to the piano. I dump my bag on the ground uncaringly and lift the cover, revealing the glossy white and black keys. I run my fingers over them and take a deep breath before pressing down and receiving the first sounds.

You, got me caught in all this mess.
I guess, we can blame it on the rain.
My pain is knowing I can’t have you,
I can’t have you.

Tell me does he look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move.
Does he get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy? Am I crazy?

I catch my breath,
The one you took the moment you entered the room.
My heart it breaks at the thought of him holding you.

Does he look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move.
Does he get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?

Maybe I’m alone in this,
But I find peace in solitude knowing,
If I had but just one kiss this whole room, 
Would be glowing.
We’d be glowing,
We’d be glowing.

Does he look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move.
Does he get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?

Tell me, does he look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move.
Does he get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?


I let the last few notes die as my fingers slip from the keys.

"God damn, Treason. Your voice is amazing." Sabrina praises, walking over and sitting next to me on the bench.

"How long have you been here?" I ask, not really caring that she heard.

"Since you sat down." She answers, shrugging. "I wanted to come see whats been bothering you but then I heard that beautiful song of angst and now I think I know."

"Nothing's been bothering me, Rina." I lie.

"I'd also like to know why you're in denial. Everyone has noticed except for Gian. The only reason he's accepting your pathetic excuses is because he wants them to be true so badly." She sighs. "Look, will you please just talk to me?" 

"About what?" My voice is a little more hostile than intended.

"About why you refuse to tell Gian how you really feel about him."

Her words make my heart beat faster and then not at all as my words stick to my throat for a second. "How . . . I never told you I was gay."

"You didn't have to. I figured it out the first week we met when Jade wore that low cut top and the only thing you said about it was that it brought out the gold in her eyes. A straight man would not have been looking at her eyes." She explains. "And then Gian came along and I put two and two together. That's not the point though. The point is that ever since Seth, you've been acting like you did before L'Von and Gian moved here. You're miserable and we can all tell."

"What am I supposed to do?" I demand, accepting the fact that she's got way more insight than is good for anyone.

"Tell him how you feel! He and Seth aren't exclusive yet. You still have a chance. After tomorrow you might not. At least not for a while."

"I can't." I say, defeated.

"Why not?" She demands.

"I already told him that I think he should go out with Seth." I admit.

"What?!" Sabrina springs up and glares daggers at me. "Why the hell would you tell him that?"

"Because Seth seems like the kind of guy who Gian needs. Someone who isn't afraid to tell him how he feels. Someone who isn't completely fucked up. Look, I really really like Gian. Enough to admit that he deserves better than me."

Sabrina sighs and sits back down. "Treason, you're the best guy I know. Nobody can compare to you. Sure, you have your problems but who doesn't? I just . . . Seth isn't someone who gives off good vibes. I met him the other day at Starbucks. He's going to break Gian. You two deserve each other. Seth deserves to go to hell."

"How do you know?"

"Woman's intuition."

"Look, Rina, if you're right and Seth really does break him then I'll be right there to pick up the pieces." I sigh. "Until then I'm just going to be his friend. That's better than nothing, right?"

She grumbles under her breath but nods nonetheless. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"I'm not stubborn, I'm reasonable."

Sabrina rolls her eyes and stands up, heading to the door. "He likes you too, you know. When he told you about Seth, he wanted you to tell him not to go."

I blink as she leaves the room. That can't be true. If he wanted me to say no, to tell him not to go, why would he go when I said yes? That just doesn't make sense but I guess it doesn't have to. The bottom line is that I fucked up again. Will I ever get anything right? 
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay so do we at least see where he's coming from a little? You may think they're stupid reasons but can you see why he'd have them? A little? Maybe? No? Okay :(

matthuee.
miss.sobriety
Emochick920
crescendo.
Baby.Blue.Eyes
JessicStar
DiedAgainToday
Lovecrush1
Sarcastically Blunt
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Hot Chelle Rae
UnderTheThought


You guys comment like it's your damn job. If I could pay you I would. I love you so much. I think the next update will be Saturday so there's that.

The song is Blame it on The Rain by He Is We. Really good band.

Leave me your thoughts?