Jagged Edges

I used to sing in the shower all the time. I mean, I still do but it used to be a shower only thing. Amren would always complain about how I would wake him up but for some reason mom liked it so she told him to suck it up and be supportive because I 'have the voice of an angel'. 

After the incident with Amren I figured that if she actually liked my voice then it would be able to cheer her up. I wasn't wrong. 

Somehow I'd be able to transform my sobbing frail mother into a laughing lively woman. I would do that. Me. I could make the most important woman in my life smile like the world would never end, even after what happened with Amren. That was a big deal for me and it still is. 

I completely lost myself in that music. I was hell bent on getting that euphoric feeling that came with making her happy. In the midst of all that I found that singing created holes in The Walls which allowed me to escape the constant pressure in my head.

I actually have to admit that my voice isn't bad and it does create a sense of accomplishment when I perfect a song I was having trouble with.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I sing in front of people outside my family. That's just uncalled for. Well, actually the music teacher at Broadneck has heard me sing because I go to her room to escape the overcrowded, fucktarded drama orgy that is the cafeteria.

But that's a story for another time.

When I get home I smell the distinct aroma of snicker-doodle cookies. Those are mom's go-to cookies when she's feeling upset. I make my way into the kitchen where I find mom dressed in her favorite sweats with clear tear stains on her cheeks.

"Ma?" 

She spins around, sending flour everywhere. "Treason! You're home early, sweetheart." She smiles, wiping her face furiously.

"No, Ma, I'm always home around this time." I say slowly. 

She glances at the clock and forces out a bit of laughter. "Oh, I hadn't realized it was so late." 

I sigh, cross my arms and lean against the door frame. "What's going on? And don't say nothing." 

She runs her hands through her hair and sighs heavily. "It's really nothing. Your father called and said that Amren was having trouble with bullies at school but he's handling it. I just worry about my baby." 

I nod slowly soaking in the information before excusing myself. I make the short trip down the hallway, past the stairs and into my room. 

It's an average room, I guess. Dark red walls with white carpet that's hell to keep clean. There's a desk holding my Mac book and some pictures are hanging along the wall. I won't bore you with details right now, though.

I grab the tattered leather strap of my dads old guitar and a thin pick before going back to the kitchen. I've been practicing one of moms favorite songs and what better time to sing it than now?

I hop up onto the counter and balance the guitar on my lap. Mom smiles brightly at me and leans on the counter across from me.

I start picking the strings slowly to tune the instrument before hitting the first few chords. Mom smiles even wider when she recognizes the tune and I start to sing. 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Moms eyes close and she sways slightly. Her lips part and she starts harmonizing the second verse. 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

She grabs a wooden spoon and starts hitting the refrigerator in time with the song. I put a little more energy into the song and adopt a slight British accent to my voice. Mom steps her game up, too. 

Blaaackbird fly.... Blaaackbird fly
Into the dark black night 

Blaaackbird fly.... Blaaackbird fly
Into the dark black night

My fingers slow down drastically before stopping altogether and letting the final notes ring out. I count out the beat in my head before strumming once again with even more force.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

This time I stop strumming for good and watch as my mom lights up. 

"Treason, that was absolutely beautiful." She gushes, pulling me off the counter and down to her level for a hug. "Thank you." 

I hug her back tightly and smile to myself. "Anytime, Ma. You know that." 

The rest of the night is spent making chicken stir-fry together and lounging on the couch watching Sanford And Son reruns. It's our own guilty pleasure. 

I'm such a mama's boy.