I Believe We're The Enemy

Frank’s P.O.V.

“Gee? Where’d you go?” Last I checked, I was using him as a pillow, but it appears that my best friends has abandoned me. Then I notice that the door is open, and I hear Gerard’s soft voice drifting in from the front room. He’s singing This Is How I Disappear, which makes me smile. I love his songs.

I walk out of the back room to find Ginny in Gerard’s arms, completely relaxed, and I raise my eyebrows. It must have taken some convincing to get her to actually accept a hug.

“Morning, Gee. What happened to you, sunshine?” I ask Ginny, putting a hand on her shoulder as she pulls away from Gerard.

“I’ve cured her! Well, kind of.” Gerard looks at Ginny uncertainly and bites his lip. “We talked about stuff, and-”

“He said he understands how I feel, and if you died he would probably kill himself,” Ginny interjects. I make a ridiculously fake flattered face and hug Gerard. Even though I act like it’s just a joke, I feel the same way. I would die for Gee any day.

To my surprise, Ginny walks over to the fridge and pulls out some canned shlop for my breakfast. She and Gerard appear to have eaten already. “Why thank you, Ginny,” I say dramatically, hugging her as gently as I can. I’m shocked to find that rather than pulling away, she actually smiles and hugs me back. I hope Gee really has cured her. She’s so sweet, and she could use a friend or two.

Just then Mikey stumbles into the front room, his blonde hair sticking up in all directions, his hazel eyes scrunched up tight as he adjusts to the sun. “Frankie, it got really cold when you got up, idiot,” he murmurs, and I see that he’s shivering. Gerard walks over and hugs him, rubbing his arms to warm him up, while Ginny dons her bubble of silence and slips behind me to avoid Mikey.

“Ginny, it’s okay. Mikey’s not gonna hurt you,” I whisper, pulling her into my arms again. Not to brag or anything, but she seems more comfortable with me than anyone else, even Ray. Strangely enough, she buries her face in my shoulder and clutches my shirt so that I can’t let go of her.

“Seriously, I don’t see how anybody could ever be so scared of Mikey. He’s harmless. He couldn’t hurt a fly if his life depended on it,” I continue, laying my hands gently on the middle of Ginny’s back to give her an extra sense of security. Apparently this only makes Mikey scarier, because when him and Gerard approach us she turns her head away from them and pushes her face firmly into my chest.

“She’s terrified of you, Mikes! What the hell did you do?” I ask, incredulous. Mikey shrugs.

“What you said yesterday about her being most comfortable with Frank must’ve been right, Gee,” he murmurs. Of course Gerard would’ve noticed that; Gerard is as close as you can get to all-knowing. Ginny has now successfully managed to smother her entire face, including her ears, with my shirt, blocking out everything but me. I wrap my left arm around her torso tighter and with my right arm I run my fingers gently through her light brown hair, murmuring random words of comfort. She’s obviously petrified by Mikey; she seemed fine before he woke up, but now she’s back to square one. I think about singing, but then decide that it would be nice to let Ray sleep in at least a little bit. Plus, if he woke up now and found Ginny practically embedded in my chest, he’s probably beat me up.

Ginny’s P.O.V.

Dammit, I never should’ve let Gerard get to me so much. I don’t know why, but Mikey always manages to put me near tears with utter terror. I guess I still haven’t recovered from his threats yesterday, because something about Mikey seems dangerous to me. I’m glad that Frank is kind enough to let me stay in his arms even though he doesn’t understand why Mikey scares me so much. Despite the fact that Mikey and Gerard are only a few feet away from me, with my face buried in Frank’s chest I feel sufficiently alone. Apart from that, his arms are surprisingly strong, making me feel safe, and he smells good. I decide to stay where I am until I’m forced to do otherwise.

Frank finally disentangles me from his arms and sits me down in a chair, carefully pulling another chair up next to mine so that he can sit near me. Mikey and Gerard take seats at the same table, Mikey with his first can of breakfast and Gerard with his second, which he offers to share with Frank. When Frank notices me giving the food an incredible number of hungry glances, he feeds me a huge bite off of his own spoon, which Gerard and Mikey dismiss as utter normalcy.

Several minutes later, Ray emerges from the back room, blinking sleep out of his eyes, and pulls up a chair to sit between Gerard and I. “Morning, sleepyhead,” Mikey says, passing the remains of his breakfast over to Ray. I feel myself stiffen instinctively as Ray turns to look at me, laying one of his broad hands on the table barely inches away from mine. Here we go again.

“You... you recovered from last night?” he asks gently, stretching his hand so that his fingertips touch mine. It takes all my energy to resist the urge to turn away, but at the same time I love the feeling of his skin against mine. For a moment I remember letting him hug me and I crave that security, that kindness, but simultaneously I feel a powerful wave of fear rising in my throat. I can’t let Ray get to me, or all the protection, all the walls I’ve built, will be gone, and I’ll be destroyed again, without even the BL/ind drugs to help me.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I reply quietly, refusing to meet his gaze. He touches my hand for a second before turning back to his food.

“I thought I had her convinced that being friends with us is worthwhile until Mikey woke up. Then she got all scared and hid behind Frank,” Gerard explains, carefully omitting the “hugged Frank and refused to let go” portion of the story. Mikey clears his throat.

“Ginny, I’m sorry I was so mean to you yesterday. I just... I was really scared of you and I thought that if you were more scared than I was, you wouldn’t turn into a freaky zombie creature and kill me. I-I apologize,” Mikey says, his face flushing in embarrassment. “Can we be friends now?” Then he realizes what he said and blushes even more, biting his lip anxiously. I can’t help but grin, because the condensed friendliness of all four boys is surprisingly overpowering. Getting to know Mikey’s true emotions feels so intimate and real that I can feel my resistance breaking down. Again.

“Mikey, you are not helping my cause,” I reply, unable to hide my smile. Out of the corner of my eye I see an evil grin cross Frank’s face and I wonder nervously what he’s about to do.

“Does this help?” Frank asks as he grasps the back of my chair and pulls it towards him, dragging me onto his lap. I find myself screaming playfully and struggling to escape as he tackles me in a giant bear hug, his long black hair falling haphazardly in front of his face and tickling my neck. A quick glance to the side reveals that Ray’s usually placid face is twisted with jealousy. Then Frank grabs my hair and pulls me back towards him, and I lose track of Ray.

Suddenly, Frank screams something unintelligible and before I can process what’s going on I’m being lifted off his lap and into the air, a warm pair of arms pulling me away from the safety of my short black-haired friend. I shriek and reach out for something to hold on to, scared that I’m going to fall, and somehow my arms end up wrapping around Ray’s neck as I turn to face him, laughing. I’m actually laughing an enjoying life. With friends. Shaking off my uncertainty, I struggle to get away, screaming for Ray to put me down, even though I don’t really want him to. He spins me in a big circle, his face split by an unbreakable grin, and when he stops I quit fighting and collapse against his chest, too dizzy to resist. I don’t know how I manage to quench my fear, but somehow my lingering pain has lost all connection with right here, right now, joking around with Ray and watching Frank and Mikey squabble over who gets to sit on Gerard’s lap. Having fun and not thinking about the consequences is a lovely thing.

As Ray and I catch our breath, our laughter dying away, his gaze turns to me, morphing into something much more affectionate than I’ve seen in years. A rush of memory and fear courses through my veins, making my body tense, but at the same time I feel my own face copying his almost loving expression. I let myself go limp, leaning my head against his chest, and through the ear that’s now pressed against his shirt I hear his heart thumping even harder than I expected. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth and stillness of the moment, letting myself block out everything but Ray. As I reopen my eyes he drops my feet gently to the floor, moving the arm that had been supporting my legs so that his arms are both wrapped firmly around my waist. I’m crazy, I think as I grin up at him and lace my fingers in each other behind his neck. For a long minute we just stand and stare at each other, listening to ourselves breathe. His wide lips twitch as if he’s about to say something, but then he just wraps his arms around me tighter and smiles, his greenish-brown eyes filled with affection.

Over Ray’s shoulder I see that Frank has won the battle for Gerard’s lap, leaving Mikey sitting dejectedly on the floor, but Frank’s arms are wrapped firmly around Gerard’s waist just in case Mikey tries to push him off again. Frank turns to look at Ray and I, and his evil grin returns. “Ray, if you kiss Ginny then I’ll kiss Gerard,” Frank says daringly. Gerard rolls his eyes. Suddenly, the weight of Ray’s hands on my back doesn’t feel comforting anymore. Realization rushes over me and I want to pull away, to run off into the distance and never come back, but I’m frozen. Ray’s arms turn from gentle to protective, and for a moment I’m filled with terror, but he only looks over his shoulder and gives Frank a sour retort.

“Yes Frank, I’ll give Ginny a tiny peck on the cheek if you and Gee make out with tongue in front of all of us.” Gerard pretends to throw up, his face scrunched in disgust. Frank makes a fake pouting face.

“You guys are always trying to ruin my fun! Even deal or no deal, Ray.” I relax as Ray glares back at him and turns to face me again. The anger and irritation on his face scares me, and I wonder why he’s so hesitant to agree to Frank’s bet. Gerard was right; he seems to be totally in love with me, so why is he so reluctant to kiss me?

All of a sudden a memory of Mum returns to me, and in a trance-like state I relive her death again, blocking out the world and hearing nothing but my screams, of which I can’t discern real from memory. An image of dracs invading the diner pops up in my mind, and I watch as the imagined monsters shoot randomly at the four boys standing around the room. I try to stop thinking about it, push it out of my mind, but like an ethereal nightmare it enrobes the real world and takes over my vision. I watch in my mind as they shoot down Frank, his eyes glazing over as he drops to the ground at my feet, and then Ray. They’re not my mum but I still feel sick watching them die over and over again in my head. No, no, no, no, no, I’ve let them get to me and now they’re going to die...

“GINNY!” Gerard’s roar snaps me out of my vision, and I find myself swaying back and forth as my eyesight adjusts to real life. We’re in the back room, just Gerard and I, and the door is closed, but I don’t feel the least bit uncomfortable. Noticing my lack of stability, Gerard walks me over to one of the cots and makes me sit, pushing me gently into the pillow until I’m laying down. He sits down next to me and brushes the wet, sticky tears off my face, his hazel eyes masked by concern.

“What happened?” he asks, gazing into my eyes so hard that I can’t look away. I swallow back a painful hiccup and lick my lips before replying.

“I don’t really know... I just got this flashback of my mum dying, and then I saw dracs coming into the diner and shooting at you guys and I saw Frank dying and Ray dying and it hurt so bad and I’m so fucking scared ‘cause this wasn’t supposed to happen!” More tears starts to run down my face and I turn to Gerard, terrified.

His face softens and he takes my hands in his, leaning forward slightly. “Ginny, that’s what happens when you have friends,” he whispers. “For one thing, I think you’ve had more fun with all of us, especially Frank, than you’ve had in and long time. And on the other hand--please don’t kill me--I think you’re in love with Ray too.” For some reason I don’t pull way. Instead, I lean toward Gerard, letting his arms wrap around my as I rest my head on his shoulder. “I know you’re afraid. It seems to me like it’s been ingrained into your brain that you must punish yourself for making any contact whatsoever with other human beings, but Ginny, having people who care about you is a good thing. You have someone to turn to when you’re afraid, or hurt, or when you just need a hug.” I sigh and let myself relax in Gerard’s arms, feeling the warmth of his slender neck next to my face. “You are kind and beautiful and amazing and as long as we live we will be here for you. Don’t you ever forget that,” he finishes, resting his head on top of mine. I finally feel myself melting, feel the remainders of my resistance washing away as I close my eyes and forget the world, feeling nothing but the gentle kindness of Gerard.

The door opens softly and a pair of feet pads across the floor to where Gerard and I sit. I feel the cot sinking next to me as the unidentified person sits down, and when I open my eyes I see nothing but curly brown hair. Ray, I think, smiling. Ray grins back and pulls me away from Gerard, ignoring the red-haired boy’s squeal of protest. I lean back into Ray’s chest and grin as he wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.

“You better now?” he murmurs, his breath tickling my ear.

“Yeah,” I reply almost soundlessly. He hears me and I feel him beaming down at me even though I can’t see his face. Gerard stands up and walks back into the front room, leaving the door open only a tiny crack, and Ray swings his legs up onto the cot next to mine, his arms still firmly grasping my torso. I close my eyes and sink into the moment, forgetting all about death and pain and draculoids, letting myself think only about here, now, and Ray.