Picking up the Pieces
Chapter eleven
*TIME ELAPSE*
It was hours before I cried myself to sleep in the arms of my boyfriend. Other from the odd soothing noise he had stayed silent of which I was glad. He had just held me on his lap and let me cling to him as I wailed against his chest. As exhaustion began to claim my limbs and quieten my sobs he moved to kiss my head, “rest easy love, I will still be here when you wake,” I said nothing to this, indeed, in the circumstances I was beyond speech at that point. I hoped as my gaze flicked up to his that he could see gratitude there. So with my face wet with tears I drifted into sleep.
I am not sure how much later it was that shouting voices woke me up. I frowned and turned to try to block out the noise until I registered that the voices were in the same room as me. I recognised Bob first who was using a hushed whisper and trying to get the other to do the same. The other though wasn’t listening and was yelling in what I slowly realised was panic. As I realised this I realised the other was Frank. I knew then he was here about Mikey and the panic lacing his tone quickly infected me and I sat up, “Frank?”
“Oh now look what you have done,” Bob almost glared at Frank, “I told you Frank, Gee is exhausted and an emotional wreck.”
“Oh what and I’m not?” Frank retorted and I looked over at him. He was swaying as if drunk and his face was as tear stained as my own probably was. I reached out a hand to him instinctively wanting to share his pain. He stared at it for the longest time and you could see the conflict of emotions in his eyes. The hatred he had for me along with the brotherly love we shared were both there. In the end he shook his head, fresh tears spilling from his eyes as he did so, “it’s funny isn’t it Gerard? Mikey and I have always seen you as some kind of rock. Someone we could turn to and would always be there. Yet now you are the one tearing everything apart.”
“I don’t mean to!” I whined as my hand dropped onto the bed, “Mikey should have you and he loves you; I know he does. Frank, you should be with him right now.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think that’s where I want to be?” Frank began pacing the room and I just watched unsure of what was going on, “look, I know you don’t mean any of this but the fact is this is what you have done.”
“Frank, he didn’t…”
Frank whirled to face Bob, “I know he didn’t do this deliberately Bob; if you say that one more time I am going to rip your head off swear to God. I don’t care about motives right now I just want to find my baby!”
Then I understood the panic and why Frank was here, “you can’t find Mikey?”
Frank shook his head, “I… I think he regressed again and has gone somewhere that he went as a kid. He isn’t anywhere I know and I didn’t know him growing up and so…,” his voice trailed away into a sigh before he made an admission which was very hard for him to say, “Gerard, I need your help.”
I only thought for a second before I knew where my brother would be. When our parents used to fight we used to go to an old playground to hide in a tree house type thing to escape. I told Frank about this instantly and drew a rough map to guide him but he shook his head when I tried to give it to him.
“He needs us both so both of us should go. You can walk out of here, right?”
“I thought you never wanted me to see him again?” I questioned him even as I nodded in response to his question.
“I don’t because you are not offering what he needs. Right now he needs his big brother so I hope you can be that and only that tonight. Come on.”
It was hours before I cried myself to sleep in the arms of my boyfriend. Other from the odd soothing noise he had stayed silent of which I was glad. He had just held me on his lap and let me cling to him as I wailed against his chest. As exhaustion began to claim my limbs and quieten my sobs he moved to kiss my head, “rest easy love, I will still be here when you wake,” I said nothing to this, indeed, in the circumstances I was beyond speech at that point. I hoped as my gaze flicked up to his that he could see gratitude there. So with my face wet with tears I drifted into sleep.
I am not sure how much later it was that shouting voices woke me up. I frowned and turned to try to block out the noise until I registered that the voices were in the same room as me. I recognised Bob first who was using a hushed whisper and trying to get the other to do the same. The other though wasn’t listening and was yelling in what I slowly realised was panic. As I realised this I realised the other was Frank. I knew then he was here about Mikey and the panic lacing his tone quickly infected me and I sat up, “Frank?”
“Oh now look what you have done,” Bob almost glared at Frank, “I told you Frank, Gee is exhausted and an emotional wreck.”
“Oh what and I’m not?” Frank retorted and I looked over at him. He was swaying as if drunk and his face was as tear stained as my own probably was. I reached out a hand to him instinctively wanting to share his pain. He stared at it for the longest time and you could see the conflict of emotions in his eyes. The hatred he had for me along with the brotherly love we shared were both there. In the end he shook his head, fresh tears spilling from his eyes as he did so, “it’s funny isn’t it Gerard? Mikey and I have always seen you as some kind of rock. Someone we could turn to and would always be there. Yet now you are the one tearing everything apart.”
“I don’t mean to!” I whined as my hand dropped onto the bed, “Mikey should have you and he loves you; I know he does. Frank, you should be with him right now.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think that’s where I want to be?” Frank began pacing the room and I just watched unsure of what was going on, “look, I know you don’t mean any of this but the fact is this is what you have done.”
“Frank, he didn’t…”
Frank whirled to face Bob, “I know he didn’t do this deliberately Bob; if you say that one more time I am going to rip your head off swear to God. I don’t care about motives right now I just want to find my baby!”
Then I understood the panic and why Frank was here, “you can’t find Mikey?”
Frank shook his head, “I… I think he regressed again and has gone somewhere that he went as a kid. He isn’t anywhere I know and I didn’t know him growing up and so…,” his voice trailed away into a sigh before he made an admission which was very hard for him to say, “Gerard, I need your help.”
I only thought for a second before I knew where my brother would be. When our parents used to fight we used to go to an old playground to hide in a tree house type thing to escape. I told Frank about this instantly and drew a rough map to guide him but he shook his head when I tried to give it to him.
“He needs us both so both of us should go. You can walk out of here, right?”
“I thought you never wanted me to see him again?” I questioned him even as I nodded in response to his question.
“I don’t because you are not offering what he needs. Right now he needs his big brother so I hope you can be that and only that tonight. Come on.”