Picking up the Pieces
Chapter twelve
*TIME ELAPSE*
We walked to the park in silence and that silence wasn’t a comfortable one. I wanted to reach out to Frank because I could almost feel the pain he seemed to reflect. Since I had met him we became firm friends and I thought of him as a brother. Well, a brother that I didn’t fantasize about and have these misplaced feelings for. I still loved him though so to know that I was the one who made his world crash down hurt like hell. I wished that he could understand that I didn’t want to take Mikey from him because I could see their love. It was my desire to give them space and run away and that desire’s fight with my need to stay that started this whole nightmare. I shouldn’t be here right now because I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to be the brother I knew I had to be. I knew that Frank was worried about that too; I could tell that much from the glances he kept shooting in my direction. I chewed on my lip wishing I had the words to reassure him. Someone needed to reassure me first though I thought sadly wishing that Bob was here with us.
Bob had wanted to come of course but Frank had refused because he thought the two of us would have more of a chance of convincing Mikey to return. I had agreed because if I lost control of my emotions it was the last thing I wanted Bob to see. Even though that was still true I could have done with the support right now. I needed his calm nature because as Frank and I drew closer to the park I began to feel scared.
It was at that point that without thinking about it I grabbed Frank’s hand. He drew to an instant halt and looked at our hands and then at me. I must have looked as torn as I felt because he didn’t shake his hand free. Instead he sighed and grabbed my wrist with his free hand, “I know how you feel because I am sure we both have the same fears and doubts about this whole thing. I don’t have the words to make them stop Gerard and in a strange type of way I am glad you feel them too,” he released my wrist but as we entered the park we did so hand in hand.
I led Frank towards some trees where this house nestled in the branches. The entrance was by a small green ladder. I got nudged by Frank so I quietly called for my brother. Too quietly apparently because Frank rolled his eyes before he shook his hand free and folded his arms. I gripped the ladder and all the memories of the times Mikey and I had run here to escape our own home flooded through my head. So intense were the memories and the emotions attached to them that I started shaking, “you up there Mikes?” I called out.
Silence.
I turned to Frank and shook my head, “this is where we always came there was nowhere else. If he felt like I did just now then I don’t know what he would have done. He was younger then though so maybe he didn’t feel the fear of it all. You know the need to escape from the shouting and the fighting. The fear of the family falling apart and us being taken into care. Of losing the one thing I cared about.”
As I finished speaking Frank stepped forward and took my hand again, “you have been though a lot Gerard and I hope you can work this out so we can be a family again. I am feeling that fear of losing him right now though, help me find him? Please?”
I put my arms around him, “I intend to help you Frank,” he didn’t return the gesture although he didn’t’ pull away. I furrowed my brow in thought because I had been so sure that Mikey would be here. Where else would he go?
At that moment we heard a noise from the tree house and something clattered down the ladder and landed at our feet. Frank picked it up and we both saw it was a knife. We recognised blood on it and gasped at the same time.
“I told you that with goodbye you would kill me,” Mikey all but whispered as he rolled to the doorway and pushed himself out. He fell down and knocked Frank and me over.
We walked to the park in silence and that silence wasn’t a comfortable one. I wanted to reach out to Frank because I could almost feel the pain he seemed to reflect. Since I had met him we became firm friends and I thought of him as a brother. Well, a brother that I didn’t fantasize about and have these misplaced feelings for. I still loved him though so to know that I was the one who made his world crash down hurt like hell. I wished that he could understand that I didn’t want to take Mikey from him because I could see their love. It was my desire to give them space and run away and that desire’s fight with my need to stay that started this whole nightmare. I shouldn’t be here right now because I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to be the brother I knew I had to be. I knew that Frank was worried about that too; I could tell that much from the glances he kept shooting in my direction. I chewed on my lip wishing I had the words to reassure him. Someone needed to reassure me first though I thought sadly wishing that Bob was here with us.
Bob had wanted to come of course but Frank had refused because he thought the two of us would have more of a chance of convincing Mikey to return. I had agreed because if I lost control of my emotions it was the last thing I wanted Bob to see. Even though that was still true I could have done with the support right now. I needed his calm nature because as Frank and I drew closer to the park I began to feel scared.
It was at that point that without thinking about it I grabbed Frank’s hand. He drew to an instant halt and looked at our hands and then at me. I must have looked as torn as I felt because he didn’t shake his hand free. Instead he sighed and grabbed my wrist with his free hand, “I know how you feel because I am sure we both have the same fears and doubts about this whole thing. I don’t have the words to make them stop Gerard and in a strange type of way I am glad you feel them too,” he released my wrist but as we entered the park we did so hand in hand.
I led Frank towards some trees where this house nestled in the branches. The entrance was by a small green ladder. I got nudged by Frank so I quietly called for my brother. Too quietly apparently because Frank rolled his eyes before he shook his hand free and folded his arms. I gripped the ladder and all the memories of the times Mikey and I had run here to escape our own home flooded through my head. So intense were the memories and the emotions attached to them that I started shaking, “you up there Mikes?” I called out.
Silence.
I turned to Frank and shook my head, “this is where we always came there was nowhere else. If he felt like I did just now then I don’t know what he would have done. He was younger then though so maybe he didn’t feel the fear of it all. You know the need to escape from the shouting and the fighting. The fear of the family falling apart and us being taken into care. Of losing the one thing I cared about.”
As I finished speaking Frank stepped forward and took my hand again, “you have been though a lot Gerard and I hope you can work this out so we can be a family again. I am feeling that fear of losing him right now though, help me find him? Please?”
I put my arms around him, “I intend to help you Frank,” he didn’t return the gesture although he didn’t’ pull away. I furrowed my brow in thought because I had been so sure that Mikey would be here. Where else would he go?
At that moment we heard a noise from the tree house and something clattered down the ladder and landed at our feet. Frank picked it up and we both saw it was a knife. We recognised blood on it and gasped at the same time.
“I told you that with goodbye you would kill me,” Mikey all but whispered as he rolled to the doorway and pushed himself out. He fell down and knocked Frank and me over.