Picking up the Pieces
Chapter six
*TIME ELAPSE*
I wandered back to my room after one of my therapy sessions. I was not sure all this talking it through was the answer to be honest. I mean, after each session my head was full of questions about everything but the feelings I had were as strong as ever. Doctor Bright told me that by talking we might uncover the root cause. I just think the problem was within my and the chemistry inside me. I mean, surely nothing could cause the love I felt, could it? He was focusing on the break-up of our parents and how in my bid to forget the feelings I had forgotten that fact. He suggested my desire to protect my brother from the harshness of reality had started the feelings. After then they had grown and intensified. He could be right I guess but I wasn’t convinced by the argument yet.
It had been a month now of intensive therapy and, even though I was co-operating, it did not seem to be having an impact. Every day some therapy to be followed by Bob basically begging for me to return home. I was close to breaking and quitting this whole thing. I missed him so much that when he had to leave me often found myself in tears. What keeps me here though is that I miss Mikey more and I don’t want that to ruin what I have with Bob or what he has with Frank.
Bob hasn’t seen either of them since Frank threw me from the house which shows me that Frank is still angry. Rightly so I thought with a shake of my head. My remorse over kissing Mikey like I had been as total as it was true. Doctor Bright congratulated me on that every session because he said that the fact I knew right from wrong was a good starting point. I always countered with the fact I had known it was wrong but I had done it anyway. He said that was impulse and opportunity and wasn’t impossible to counter in the future.
Did I even have a future when I didn’t need to be kept away from my brother? I sighed then, just not sure anymore. I didn’t wasn’t to leave here until I was sure I could be near Mikey and he would be safe.
I got back to my room and pulled out my sketch book and a pencil. The therapist had told me I might find it beneficial to draw my feelings. I had struggled with the concept of this at first but he had told me there was no correct way of doing this and I had to find my own way. I did find it in the end as I found myself drawing shapes. The lines I used as definition as well as the colours would enable me to see my mood. Right now though I was just going to draw and cleanse myself of the thoughts the session had induced.
I began to sketch my parents and the break up as the sessions wanted me to see it. The adults stood with their backs to each other ignoring the children between them both. The boys sat on the floor wrapped in each others embrace. I looked down at it and frowned slightly. Was this all my feelings were? Misplaced feelings of protection? I threw down the pad; ripping the page out in frustration which was screwed up and thrown towards the bin.
I threw myself face down on the bed and grunted, pondering the idea that I was just screwed up enough to confuse wanting to protect my brother to wanting… well… him. Of course I heard someone come in to the room but I assumed it was a nurse or maybe Bob come for that daily argument. I so wasn’t ready for that yet and so I didn’t turn to face whoever it was. Footsteps headed for the bin and then I heard the sound of paper being smoothed out, “Have you never heard of privacy?” I growled into my pillow.
There was a long pause before I heard a reply, “I thought you have that right up by being in here.”
I sat up, twisting to face the one in my room, “Frank?”
Frank just nodded at me, “hello Gerard.”
What did he want?
I wandered back to my room after one of my therapy sessions. I was not sure all this talking it through was the answer to be honest. I mean, after each session my head was full of questions about everything but the feelings I had were as strong as ever. Doctor Bright told me that by talking we might uncover the root cause. I just think the problem was within my and the chemistry inside me. I mean, surely nothing could cause the love I felt, could it? He was focusing on the break-up of our parents and how in my bid to forget the feelings I had forgotten that fact. He suggested my desire to protect my brother from the harshness of reality had started the feelings. After then they had grown and intensified. He could be right I guess but I wasn’t convinced by the argument yet.
It had been a month now of intensive therapy and, even though I was co-operating, it did not seem to be having an impact. Every day some therapy to be followed by Bob basically begging for me to return home. I was close to breaking and quitting this whole thing. I missed him so much that when he had to leave me often found myself in tears. What keeps me here though is that I miss Mikey more and I don’t want that to ruin what I have with Bob or what he has with Frank.
Bob hasn’t seen either of them since Frank threw me from the house which shows me that Frank is still angry. Rightly so I thought with a shake of my head. My remorse over kissing Mikey like I had been as total as it was true. Doctor Bright congratulated me on that every session because he said that the fact I knew right from wrong was a good starting point. I always countered with the fact I had known it was wrong but I had done it anyway. He said that was impulse and opportunity and wasn’t impossible to counter in the future.
Did I even have a future when I didn’t need to be kept away from my brother? I sighed then, just not sure anymore. I didn’t wasn’t to leave here until I was sure I could be near Mikey and he would be safe.
I got back to my room and pulled out my sketch book and a pencil. The therapist had told me I might find it beneficial to draw my feelings. I had struggled with the concept of this at first but he had told me there was no correct way of doing this and I had to find my own way. I did find it in the end as I found myself drawing shapes. The lines I used as definition as well as the colours would enable me to see my mood. Right now though I was just going to draw and cleanse myself of the thoughts the session had induced.
I began to sketch my parents and the break up as the sessions wanted me to see it. The adults stood with their backs to each other ignoring the children between them both. The boys sat on the floor wrapped in each others embrace. I looked down at it and frowned slightly. Was this all my feelings were? Misplaced feelings of protection? I threw down the pad; ripping the page out in frustration which was screwed up and thrown towards the bin.
I threw myself face down on the bed and grunted, pondering the idea that I was just screwed up enough to confuse wanting to protect my brother to wanting… well… him. Of course I heard someone come in to the room but I assumed it was a nurse or maybe Bob come for that daily argument. I so wasn’t ready for that yet and so I didn’t turn to face whoever it was. Footsteps headed for the bin and then I heard the sound of paper being smoothed out, “Have you never heard of privacy?” I growled into my pillow.
There was a long pause before I heard a reply, “I thought you have that right up by being in here.”
I sat up, twisting to face the one in my room, “Frank?”
Frank just nodded at me, “hello Gerard.”
What did he want?