I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

Arms wrapped around my middle as I checked off some things on my clipboard, a smile immediately crawling up my lips. I checked off a couple more things, the person holding onto me burying their face in my neck and kissing the sensitive skin every once in a while as I squirmed in their hold. Finally, with a final number scribbled into the bottom of the page, I whipped around in the person's arms, firmly planting my lips to theirs as they chuckled into the kiss.

“Shouldn't you at least check who you're kissing?” Matt laughed against my lips, his lips ring still touching my mouth as I smiled.

I scoffed, “Please, Matt. You ain't no Jedi.”

“You really think that, huh?” He laughed, still keeping me in his arms as I clutched the clip board to my chest, nodding up at him.

“Oh I know that. Where's you're light saber? You don't hold the force, Matt so I don't think its with you.”

“I do too have the force!” He chuckled, looking down at me in feigned disbelief. He smirked, leaning down and pushing his lips softly to the skin of my neck once more causing a chill to run up and down my spine. “If you want, I could show you right now.”

“If this is you trying to prove you're a Jedi, its not working...” I said, swallowing slowly as Matt's lips trailed to behind my ear, his teeth nipping softly at the skin of my ear lobe. A visible shiver ran through my body and I cursed myself as Matt smiled against my skin.

“Still don't think I have the force, huh?” He whispered and I soon felt the soft wetness of his tongue as it trailed over the shell of my ear, another shiver running through my body.

“Knock it off, Matt,” I said as he started laughing over his victory. I shook my head, a small smile forming on my face. “You so suck.”

“I do not and you know it. Just say I'm a Jedi.”

“No.”

“Say it, Jade.”

“No! I'm forced by law not to lie!”

“Say it!”

“Fine!” I yelled, tossing my arms in the air, my left hand clutching to the clip board, “You're a fucking Jedi! Happy?!”

“Yes.”

“Child.”

Matt laughed, pulling me forward to attach our lips in a soft kiss before pulling away, “I'm sorry I have to leave you alone so much. I can't even imagine half the shit he puts you through,” Matt whispered, his eyes flickering between mine as he stared deeply at me, a warm feeling tickling my toes and fingertips.

I swallowed again, this time out of nervousness; I had yet to tell Matt about what had happened at the party the night before. I knew it would be best to tell him but I didn't want whatever to happen afterward be my fault because, in reality, all of this mess could be traced back to me in the end.

Inside my head I was battling myself; all I wanted was to change who I was before from the girl I had left pressed into everyone's minds back in our senior year of high school. I wanted to stray away from the girl who kept secrets to herself and hid herself in misery and despair. But I wanted to change that....but why was it so difficult to tell Matt what Alex had said?
Because I didn't want to start a fight. I didn't want to start more problems for everyone.

Matt must have saw my inner turmoil because the next thing I knew his hands were cupping my face tipping my head up to look at his confused and caring eyes.

“Jade...What's wrong?” He whispered, darting his eyes between mine.

“I...I have something to tell you,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. Matt's eyes raised slightly, just as surprised as I was to be hearing me tell him something without being forced to tell or pressured into an answer like the old days. “The party yesterday...Alex...”

“What happened, Jade?” Matt said sternly, gripping the side of my arms a little tighter, not out of anger I realized, but out of protection.

I spilled everything to Matt, telling him about how Alex cornered me on the bus and the harsh words he had spat at me with others surrounding us. It brought back the burn of the truth spilling from his mouth and the pain searing through me from his eyes. It made me think of the way he had gripped my arms, how he had towered over my cowering and frail body and how he relentlessly continued, even after I had walked off the bus and away from him. It made me remember that even though my body hurt from falling to the ground, the tears stinging my eyes as I recalled the details to Matt, but it had broken my heart to see in full detail the true feeling behind what I had done to Alex: I had crushed him. And now it was his turn to crush me. To break me. Just like I had broken his heart.

When I finished, Matt stared at me, a set look on his face as he nodded stiffly, his head continue to bob up and down in a quicker pace and more fluidly as the anger built up in him, his body moving swiftly to a different part of the lot. I followed his angered gaze and caught the sight of what he seemed so set on reaching: Alex stood on the opposite side of the parking light laughing with Jack about something both oblivious as to what was about to happen.

And I wouldn't let it.

At this point, Matt was more than halfway to Alex with the pace he was going at and I lifted my legs, sprinting after him as he finally stood in front of the singer. Jack raised and eyebrow at something I couldn't read because Matt's back was to me but I saw the guitarist nod and walk off, leaving Alex and Matt alone...which wasn't good. I picked up my speed as I finally got close enough to hear the words spewing from Matt's mouth.

“-think you can get away with speaking to her like that? You're a real piece of shit if you think talking to anyone like that-”

“You know what she did to me Matt. You were fucking there before and after everything and you still decided to fucking date her. You're a fucking prick-”

“It doesn't matter what she did, Alex!” Matt screamed, his face turning red as I finally stood beside him, catching the attention of Alex, whose eyes flitted to mine before angrily looking back at the steaming tour manager.

“Doesn't matter?!” Alex yelled back, his face also turning red, “She deserved everything I said to her last night and she won't even deny it, will you Jade?” Both sets of eyes fell on me as I crumbled under their stares.

“I, uh-”

“See? She doesn't. Now get off my fucking back,” Alex growled, walking closer to Matt and getting more in his face.

“She didn't get to talk, you asshole.”

“Which is probably why you didn't hear this story from her huh?” Alex said, a smirk crawling up his mouth as if thinking he had one the argument, “She didn't tell you about the fight, someone else did. Probably Garrett-”

“You're such an arrogant asshole, aren't you Alex?” Matt snarled, walking forward to get in Alex's face this time, the action catching Alex a little off guard.

“I'm right, aren't I? You're taking out you're anger on me because she didn't tell you-”

“No, I'm angry because you think you know everything when in fact you don't which makes you an arrogant prick,” Matt spat back at Alex, “And she told me.”

Alex's eyebrows raised as he looked over at me, our eyes locking and I knew what he was thinking just by looking into the deep chocolate pools on his face: I had never told Alex much when he had dated. I didn't tell him about the fight between the bimbos, why I had started it and why I was leaving. I never explained why I had been pulling away from him and I sure as hell never gave him much information into what I thought about on a daily basis when I had been living there. And suddenly, I was opening up to someone.

Alex nodded, his whole angered demeanor shrinking as he continued to stare at me, “I guess I really don't know you,” He said, a pang of guilt hitting my chest as he looked at Matt and then me once more before turning away from us and walking in the other direction.

“What a dick,” Matt muttered, continuing to watch Alex walk away before turning to me.

“You didn't have to do that.”

“What, defend you? Yes I did.”

“But you were fighting. I don't want you guys to be on bad terms because of me.”

“But I love you.”

I cringed at his words, the guilt doubling as I remembered that I still couldn't say them back to the boy before me. I nodded, looking away from him as I stared off at a group of boys standing around a dirtied white van.

“Listen, I gotta go do some stuff to set up for the show. Maybe its best if you sat out tonight? Maybe hang out with The Maine guys after their set?” I nodded, letting Matt place a chaste kiss to my lips before he walked off into the venue, leaving me alone. I looked around trying to figure out what to do with myself for the time being. The bus was out of the question seeing as a lot of people occupying the small area hated me and wanted me gone from their immediate sight and I tried to accommodate that wish with every action I made. Sighing, I looked back over at the group of boys as a smile made its way onto my lips, my feet beginning to make their way toward them and soon enough I was with them.

“Well, well, well, if it ain't Jade fucking Bates,” Jared smiled, walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a side hug. My eyes caught Garrett's as the group said their hellos to me, his blue eyes sending a silent question, asking if I was alright especially after what had happened the night before. I nodded softly to him, a smile pulling up the corners of his lips as he walked forward, pushing Jared away from me.

“Dude, don't be such a Jade hog. Its my turn!” He yelled the last part as he pulled me into a bone crushing hug, the laughter of the rest of the band filling the air. I felt Garrett bury his face into the crook of my neck, his breathing blowing hot against my skin as he whispered, “If you need me to kick his ass, just tell me alright?” He pulled away, looking deeply into my my eyes as I nodded my head again, our smiles widening at the same time.

“Alright,” John said, clapping his hands together, “we have an hour till the show. What shall we do?” He asked, looking around the group.

I shrugged along with Kennedy who looked over at me and playfully winked. I giggled looking over at Pat as he bounced from side to side, his hair flopping all over his shoulders, face and the space around him. Garrett shook his head, shrugging his shoulders as he watched Pat start to run in a circle around Jared who rolled his eyes, making a noncommittal noise in response to his friends question.

John sighed, rolling his eyes at our little group, “Fine, I'll think of something.” He ran his hands through his hair, messing it up atop his head and I felt my eyes widen.

I couldn't help but let my eyes wander like a movie screen as I reflected all the times I had watched Alex do the same motion whenever he was nervous about something or just bored with anything. I hated myself for connecting such a small action but I couldn't help it. I felt someone watching me and I turned my head in the direction of a certain ginger who was watching me with a worried and confused expression, my head shaking as I tried to ward off his questioning eyes.

“We could go...play hide and seek?” I suggested watching Pat's eyes light up in childish excitement.

“Yeah! Yeah!!” He yelled, looking around the group before pointing at John, “John's it!”

“Why me?” John asked, his face holding shock as Garrett and Kennedy ran off to hide.

“Because you couldn't think of anything else to do first so you're it!” Pat said, nodding quickly before running off, yelling over his shoulder at John to start counting. As John turned around, I looked over at Jared who nodded before the two of us sprinted toward the van, opening the door to find Garrett inside.

“Out,” Jared plainly said.

“No. I got here first, asshole,” Garrett shot back, pushing over in the back of the van and grabbing my wrist, pulling me in next to him. Jared looked around before climbing in after me and shutting the door, locking it and sitting down so that the three of us created a circle.

“So, why so glum, chum?” asked Jared.

I shrugged, “I told Matt about what happened last night at the party-”

“What happened at the party last night?” Jared asked, interrupting with a worried expression on his face.

“Gaskarth was being a douche to her and cornered her outside and when I went out to save her, he played it off as if nothing was going on,” Garrett said, his tone a borderline growl. I had told Garrett shortly after Alex had left what had happened between the two of us and his reaction had been a little different than Jared's. If anything, Garrett was turning out to be like a little brother to me who seemed like he had to act like an older brother. It was a relief to me but ever since the Alex incident, Garrett didn't seem to want anything to do with All Time Low's front man.

“Why didn't you tell me, Jade?” Jared asked, looking back over at me.

I shrugged again, “I kinda wanted to be left alone after that,” Jared nodded, urging me to continue where I had left off, “Well, I told Matt and he got super pissed and bitched out Alex. And I think Alex is a little hurt that I opened up more to Matt than I did in my relationship with him.”

“That's kinda bullshit,” Garrett countered, my eyebrows furrowing as he went on to explain himself, “I mean, you opened up to Alex about your brother-”

“But that's different. There was so much more I could have opened up to him about and telling Matt about the fight just contradicts a lot of shit from mine and Alex's relationship.”

“Point proven. Gotcha.”

“Are you gonna still go to All Time Low's show tonight though?” Jared asked, looking over at me and Garrett copied his movements, both sets of eyes now staring at me.

I shook my head, “No. Matt wants me to ease out tonight because of last night. I was thinking of checking out your set tonight since I haven't gotten to hear you guys play yet. I don't even know what you guys do in the band.” We all laughed at this until we heard the sound of footsteps pounding against the pavement and then John's head peered down at us from the window of the van.

“You guys suck at this game.”

--------------------------------------------

She's 18 and a beauty queen
She makes the boys feel so weak
Its all for her or none at all
She'll pick you up just to watch you fall

I smiled as I moved my hips from side to side, watching and listening to the five boys that had successfully made my time on tour more bearable. John sang the words to the crowd of a song titled Girls Do What They Want as the girls in the crowd swooned over his shirtless and tattooed chest. His mess his hair some more as he sang, the flashes of cameras going off around him and he smiled back the girls in the front row; their girlish squeals could be heard from where I stood backstage.

Pat's hair flayed all over the place as he pounded on his drums, his skinny arms flexing and relaxing as he hit the cymbals and drum heads.

Kennedy would strum his guitar as a few girls in front of him called out for him, his grin forming up on his face every time he would walk to the mic to sing a few words with John.

Garrett on the other hand was running up and down and around the stage, tossing his body every which way as he made faces to the crowd and every once in a while me when ever he got the chance, laughs spewing form my mouth every time he did so. I knew he was trying to cheer me up and he was doing a hell of a job at it.

Jared was very focused on his guitar parts and I had learned quickly that he was very good on his instrument as I heard the sound from his guitar flowing from the amp near my head. Every once in a while, he would turn to me and smile, sometimes with teeth sometimes without, and I would give him the thumbs up, trying to interpret to him just how good the group really was together.

As the song came to a close, John said goodnight to the crowd, thanking them as he through the water bottle he had been sipping on all night to the crowd, a group of girls fighting the other for the plastic container. As the boys walked off stage, I high-fived each of them, hugging them after despite the sweat on their clothes and, in John's case, skin.

“So...” Jared said, trailing off as all five of the boys looked at me with expectant looks.

“It was aight,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and looking away from them. After a moments silence, I turned back to them, a jaw breaking grin on my face, “Just kidding. You guys fucking rock ass!” I exclaimed and the boys yelled with me in accomplishment as I was soon wrapped in a group hug.

“So, was I better than Gaskarth?” John asked as he smirked over at Alex in a joking manner, but Alex's grin to a friend was more of an expectant look to me. The group waited and I could feel Garrett and Jared's eyes on me as I smiled slowly over at John, my eyes still transfixed on Alex.

“In more ways than one, John,” I replied amidst more cheering as I watched Alex shake his head, a cold, hurting look in his eyes as he walked away.