I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

“I can't believe you know all the words to the Barbie Girl song; that's only slightly frightening,” I commented, shaking my head as Pat and Garrett danced around the parking lot, posing at the end of the blasting through the speakers, the techno beat starting to die down amongst contagious laughter from the band and crew as well as various others.

“Only slightly frightening?” Jared said, turning to look at me, “I think I'll have nightmares of Garrett's continuous disturbing seductive face.”

I laughed, looking over at Garrett as he pouted at his red headed friend, “Yeah, it was pretty weird,” I agreed, nodding back at the guitarist.

“I hate you guys so much right now,” Garrett yelled, stomping his foot on the ground.

“Yeah, I hate you too,” Pat yelled, nodding his head.

“Why?” John asked, a small crooked smirk on his lips as he looked at the mousey drummer.

There was a long pause before Pat shrugged, “I forget what we're talking about.”

Laughter erupted from the group as I looked over at a figure coming towards the messy van and rowdy boys.

Rian's smile ignited his face in the darkening horizon and I couldn't help but grin back at him, catapulting myself from my spot on the van's floor and toward Rian, who's arms were open wide in anticipation. I proudly jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his torso in the process as he chuckled into my ear, his chest bumping my body up and down with the vibrations rattling around within it.

“Nice to see you too, Jay,” Rian laughed, squeezing me tightly for a moment before letting me slide down his torso to stand in front of him, a large grin on my face.

“Hey Ri, what's up?” I asked, cocking my head to the side, my long ponytail brushing across my left shoulder in the process.

Rian shrugged, “Nothing much, just wanted to hang with my little sister friend before the show tonight.”

Rian had started to call me his little sister shortly after pulling me away from Alex a few days before. I think we had both suddenly felt the need to have each other in our lives and the role we each played towards one another. He really was like an older brother and he filled the part extremely well.

“Oh, cool. I think I might watch your set today, considering I haven't watched it for a long time and I haven't seen Matt for...a long time.”

Rian nodded, looking over my face as if contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to ask how my relationship with Matt was holding up. In all honesty, it was beginning to settle on my nerves how he was never around anymore. Of course, we had nights together but, being so busy, the only time I saw him was before shows when he would hand me a list of things to accomplish, occasionally during load up and break down periods after shows, and at night when we would sit on the bus with the crew before heading to bed. It was never together time with us anymore like it had been back in the house with Bryan and Angela, back when everything was simple and not as complicated as tour was, though tour was very much more bearable than it had been when we had first started.

Everything was harder than before between Matt and I when it had been so simple coming into tour. Before, it had been so much easier to kiss him goodnight, have him hold me in his arms as we lay in bed, and just hold his hand as we watched TV shows that never semed to grab our attention that was mostly directed at one another. Now it was even harder to hear those three words come from his mouth at night before falling asleep. It was harder because when I heard them in my dreams, it wasn't his voice floating around in my head.

“Yeah...I'm sure he misses you,” Rian finished awkwardly, trying to break a small silence that had succumbed between up. I knew he was struggling for the right words to say because I knew he could tell what I thought about the whole situation. He knew how hard everything was here on tour with the constant jabs at my self esteem. Rian, better than anyone, knew that even with the few friends I had made and the ones that I had regained in the passed few weeks weren't enough to hold me away from the burning fire. He knew I needed someone to support me, someone like Matt, a boyfriend.

I nodded, looking away from him for a minute before looking back, a bright smile on my face, “So, I don't know if you know this, but I was going through your bag for a hoodie-”

“You were creeping through my bag?” Rian asked, a somewhat creeped out look crossing his face which only caused me to giggle.

“Shh. I'm telling a story,” I replied, putting a finger to my lips, “Anyway, I was going through your bag and I spotted a picture of you and Kara...”

Rian smiled, diging his hands into his pockets of his jeans, “Go on.”

“You two are still as sickeningly cute as you were back in high school.”

“Thank you very much. I'm glad you think that.”
There was a small silence before I quietly asked, “How is she?”

Rian's smile became soft, a more serious tone filling the air as we divulged back into our past, “She's good. You know she really misses you.”

“In a weird way,” I started, knotting my fingers behind my back, “I'm glad she did.”

“She'll probably be glad to see you again. When tour's over, you should come by and visit her. She's in college right now but I'm sure she would totally drop a couple classes any day to make time for a friend like you, Jay.”

I grinned, wrapping Rian in a long hug, “I would love to.”

“Great. I'll call and tell her-”

“Does she know I”m here?” I asked, looking at him with a cocked head and furrowed eyebrows.

He laughed in response, pulling a cellphone from his pocket, “Told her that afternoon you walked on the bus. She was happy you were there. You might wanna send her a pic of your new look though. She doesn't believe me when I tell her that you died your hair.”

“Give me your phone, drummer boy. We'll take one together.”

Rian grinned, handing over the iPhone and standing next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders as I poked my tongue out at the camera, one hand throwing out a peace sign while the other tapped the screen to take the picture. After a couple seconds, I pulled the phone closer to myself, examining the picture with a laugh.

“Send that to Kara and then send a copy to me. I want that shit.”

“You got it, Jay,” Rian said, texting away on his phone as he walked away.

Smiling, I skipped back over to The Maine's van where they were all smiling and laughing, John and Jared fooling around with an acoustic guitar. Slowly, I made my way over to Kennedy, who grinned up at me, his smile crinkling at the sides in a friendly way that made wrap my arms around him in a hug.

“Hey, Kenny, what's up?” I asked, grinning at the guitarist as he shrugged his shoulders. I noticed the iPod laying in his hands and quickly grabbed it from his reach, turning it on and beginning to flip through his artists. “Is this yours?” I asked, glancing up at him for a moment to watch him shake his head.

“Nope, its Pat's-”

“He has his own band on here?” I giggled out, flipping the screen to show Kennedy the lit up name of The Maine.

Kennedy laughed, “Yeah. He likes to show people at parties how good we are so he makes sure we come on shuffle a lot.”

“Mind if I...” I trailed off, my eyes flitting up to meet his before going back to the iPod. I had yet to here and recorded versions of their songs because all I had listened to was their live stage performance which made me want to have a go at listening to the drawn out record.

“I”m sure Pat won't mind if you listen to it. He likes you so you should be cool with borrowing it.”

“If he gets mad, I'm bringing you down with this, Brock.”

“I totally wouldn't mind that at all.”

Smacking his chest, I got up and began walking away with the ear buds being snapped into my ears; the last of the world I heard before guitars and drums was Kennedy's laughter.

Drums. Guitars. The beat. The rhythm. It was fantastic. I wanted to dance. As soon as John's voice began threading through the other instruments, a smile came up on my face and I couldn't help but wiggle my hips to the infectious beat of a song I had heard almost every night for the past weeks.

She takes her time with littlest things
Love notes reminding me
She wears red when she's feeling hot (so hot)
I have her but its all I got

Mouthing the words, I started to get more into the song and my dance moves as it progressed right into the next, each more infectious than the last. But finally, one song, from their EP, caught my attention.

I've been changing
You're still waiting on me
Just wait for me

My eyes widened as I stopped dancing, my body frozen as I listened to the words pouring into my ears, the lyrics exactly matching everything I had gone through. Perfectly. It was everything that had happened between everyone I had left behind in Lutherville. A small smile graced my lips as I turned on the iPod, glancing at the name of the song. We Change, We Wait. At the songs close, I turned off the device before sprinting back to the van.

“There's my iPod!” Pat's voice screeched in my ears as I approached. I ran passed the flailing drummer before thrusting the music player into Garrett's hands, a small smile on my lips still.

“What up with you, home slice?” Garrett gave me a curious look that I shook off before he switched on the iPod.. I could see his mouth moving to form the name of the song and that was basically all it took for him to connect the lyrics, the song, and my background together.

“Oh.” Was all that left his lips before he nodded, giving the device back to me, a small smile now on his face. “Who knew something John wrote was so familiar to a new friend,” He chuckled, turning to Pat and throwing the device in his direction, the drummer scrambling to catch it. I nodded back, looking over at Jared who was still settled behind an acoustic guitar a look that read that we would be talking later but I only smiled at him before walking away, toward the venue and in the direction of someone I hadn't seen in a long time.

----------------------

“Jade!” Matt exclaimed as I walked over to him, a smile lighting his face. He was in the process of confirming and denying multiple things being thrust his way. I knew he was busy and frankly I couldn't give a shit's worth of what his schedule was like: I just wanted to spend time with him. Matt pushed away a couple people, papers in their hands for him to check over as he made his way toward me, a grin on his face. I tried my best to be excited for this chance to spend with my boyfriend, but I couldn't seem to push passed the fact that this was a rare moment to actually see him not buried in paperwork, a pillow, or his laptop. I missed the Matt back home where he would be all about me and I could hear the 'I love you's pass from his lips and not cringe. It was harder now; everything was harder. But I think being with Matt, having to not be able to be around him, was the hardest.

“I missed you, so I thought I'd visit,” I said, a smile stretching on my lips as he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close, while the other trailed down my arms, not nearly giving me as many goosebumps as it used to.

“I missed you too. I'm so sorry we don't get the tie we used to, Jay,” He replied, as sorrowful look in his eyes.

I nodded, “I know. I just wish you were around more. Its not the same hanging out with Garrett and Jared. They don't kiss nearly as well as you do.”

“No one kisses like me, Jay, let's be honest.”

“And no one has an ego quite like yours either,” I laughed, flicking his nose as he smiled down at me.

“Some one has the fuel the fire, might as well be someone adorable like yourself.”

“Oh shut up. We both know you only use adorable to describe Mickey and Minnie's relationship.”

“Maybe we are Mickey and Minnie.”

“We're anything but, Matt,” I said, looking up into his eyes. Did he not see that this tour wasn't exactly bringing us together? Did he not notice how little we saw of each other or was he that optimistic that he literally thought that what we had could, in some strange, out there situation, be normal? We weren't normal. Nothing about our relationship, from beginning to now, was normal.

He didn't answer, a small deep stare into my eyes was enough to make me think that maybe he understood what I meant, a smile falling on his face before leaning down and connecting our lips together. The cold metal of his lip ring pressed against my mouth and, though it normally sent shivers down my spine, I didn't feel that tingling sensation. It wasn't there.

Matt's hand traveled down from my waist to the back hem of my jeans, playing the belt I had strapped on this morning. My hands went to his hair as I played with its already messy look, hoping to get back that old feeling, but I just...It wasn't there.

There was a tap on Matt's shoulder and he broke apart, Greico standing there with an embarrassed smile on his face.

“Sorry to...interrupt,” He began, fiddling with the clipboard in his hands, “but Evan needs some help and wants to run some shit by you real quick.”

Matt nodded, “Okay, I'll be there in a few.” Greico smile quickly over at me before hurrying off in the direction of where I assumed Evan to be. Finally, Matt turned back to me, both hands now running up and down my sides, “I gotta-”

“Go, I know,” I said, forcing a smile on my face in hopes of reassuring him.

Matt stared at me for a moment, looking deeply into my eyes before planting a soft but very passionate kiss on my lips, something that he knew would really show what he felt for me, something I felt...but, it just...it didn't strike me as hard as it used to. The kiss was great, but the fire was slowly dwindling. And I think that scared me more than anything. Maybe it was because I was slightly mad that he was leaving me behind a lot, feeding me to the wolves. Maybe it was because I never saw him anymore. I didn't want to think about what would happen if Matt and I were to split. I didn't want to let my mind wander in that direction. I didn't want to be alone in the world because I knew that if I lost Matt, I lost me anchor to everything.

“Oh great, just what I wanted to see; worst couple in America swapping spit in front of my face. Perfect.”

Matt broke away, both of our sets of eyes turning on the front man as he stared at us, a burning look in his glare. But it wasn't the normal glare I usually got. No. There was another emotion lurking there in its place.

Matt rolled his eyes at Alex, “Get out of here, Gaskarth. Quit messing with my girlfriend and go call your own. Someone has to miss you.”

My head switched quickly in the direction of Matt at his words. Girlfriend? Alex had a girlfriend? Matt caught my gaze and smiled, dipping down for a quick kiss before walking away in the direction of where Greico had disappeared. That left me alone with Alex.

His smirk covered his face as he stuffed his hands into his pocket, scuffing his shoe against the floor of the venue yet his eyes never detached from mine. It wasn't the playful smirk I was used to back when we had dated. No. This was a cocky smirk, something I had expected on the first day of meeting Alex when I had judged him based on his dress and conduct. This was not the Alex I remembered.

Slowly, he made his way toward me, a slight swagger to his step like he knew that I was burning inside to know who the girl was and what had happened between them while I was gone. And all the while, this itching feeling settled into the pit of my stomach. The same feeling I saw in Alex's eyes after Matt broke away from our kiss. I didn't like that feeling one bit. But it was there, resting in my chest and weighing me down.

Alex smirk widened as he got closer, not stopping for a second as he walked passed, whispering harshly into my ear, a tone that sent shivers down my spine.

“Hurts doesn't it?” He whispered, my eyes trailing after him as he watched me, the damned smirk still on his face as he walked backward for a few more paces before turning around.

He knew me. He knew my emotions. He knew how to play.