I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

A party was something that brought me back to the past I had forgotten. That time back in high school when everything had been simple, carefree, and drama wasn't on every stop of a rickety tour bus. It was easy to be able to pull a drink from the cooler and walk around the ground as if everything was alright. The people were kinder, the drinks were flowing heavily from the passing hands of friends and loved ones. It was something I missed and everything about a party, this party, was so nostalgic, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.

I was nursing my...six or seventh bottle of beer. After the fourth, I had started to feel its effects and my feet began to slug behind me, my words slurring together and a smile always on my face. Everything seemed happier in my blurry world of drunker stupor and bad judgment. Everyone was smiling, everything was beautiful. Everything was funny.

It felt good to finally be able to laugh and walk amongst the people that seemed to carry so much angst and anger towards me. It was...freeing to be able to smile at them and laugh as they toppled over themselves, to laugh with them amongst old friends. It was something that made my stomach churn in remembering everything before I had run away two years ago. I felt...I felt happy.

The smile never left my face as I continued to round the around, taking periodical sips from my bottle every so often before my eyes came in contact with the familiar striking shade of blue that caused my stumbling feet to trip over themselves as I made my way toward the short brown haired boy.

“What up, Gare Bear?” I slurred, giggling at Garrett's sloppy grin, his own hand wrapped around a cup filled with copper colored liquid. We had started out drinking together but some where along the way, we had parted ways and I knew he was probably far more drunk than myself.

“Drinking!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air, throwing his cup behind his head as the contents made an array of color in the light of the fire we had going, the liquid throwing itself on the soft sands of the beach.

We were now in Florida, a stop for the tour for now and all of the separate bands and their crews had agreed that a party on the beach, though ever so cliché, was something that wouldn't and shouldn't be passed up, so they went all out. Red cups, the bonfire raging with blankets and a few beach chairs scattered around. One of the bands, Every Avenue I believe, offered the use of their van as the open bar of sorts and so the drinking began. It was a fabulous drinking affair and at this point, a good majority of us were drunk or nearly there.

“I know that, Gary!”

“Well, you are too!” We both let out a cheer before I chucked my bottle, watching as it landed farther away with the tell tale sound of its shatter against, what I could only hope to be, a rock.

“You two are so drunk,” someone chuckled and Garrett and I whipped around, stumbling over slightly, in only a way a couple of drunken fools can, as we stared at Jared, a grin on his face as he surveyed the two of us standing there with drunken smiles and distant eyes.

“Yeah, so why aren't you?”Garrett asked, folding his arms across his chest over dramatically, “Someone's a party pooper!” He yelled, pointing at Jared before busting into a round of giggles his balance failing him for a moment, only for him to catch himself on my shoulder with his hand.

Jared rolled his eyes at the bassist, “No, someone just doesn't want a hangover,” He looked over at me with a smile, “And getting to watch overly drunk people is so funny.”

“Being drunk is awesome!” Someone shouted in the distance and Jared burst out laughing, his eyes following the person behind Garrett and me. I turned, a goofy grin on my face as Jack Barakat sprinted along the beach, his arms flailing wildly about his head as his drink spilled every which way, his body language showing how much he didn't care about the people he was splashing with the alcoholic beverage. Slowly, he began to stop, drinking the last drops of whatever was left in his beer bottle before throwing it to the ground, his hands beating on his chest as a victory yell sounded from his mouth. He then bent down, picking up a rather large mound of dried and some wet seaweed, inspecting it in his hands before plopping the slimy pile atop his head, the action forming a grotesque squishing sound that caused a few onlookers to wince in disgust.

In a single moment, Jack looked up, his brown eyes catching mine and a beckoning hand was waved in my direction.

Slowly I made my way over to Jack my drunken mind forgetting for a moment that Jack hadn't spoken to me in all the time I had been with him. It didn't occur to me why Jack was beckoning to me, why he suddenly had interest in me; I had been under the strong impression that he disliked me. But I didn't think about that, I only let my feet and many drinks lead me to where Jack Barakat was smiling over at me, my memory of many a high school party and Jack's drunken habits causing a smile to rise on my face.

When I finally reached him, I raised my arm, my hand raising to point at his head, “You have seaweed on your head...Just so you know...” I slurred out, my mouth widening smile as Jack reached up to touch the seaweed atop his head.

Jack reached his hand up to pat the seaweed, a squelching sound emitting from the pile; the sound alone was disgusting, but adding hat to the sound made me feel even more sick to my stomach.

“I know. I'm king of the sea now,” He exclaimed, patting the seaweed atop his matted and wet black hair.

“You'll make a good king of the sea. People there will respect your craziness for godliness.”

Jack grinned, “I know. If only I could find a queen...” He tapped his chin, his eyes surveying the beach area before his gaze fell back to me, “She needs to be pretty and understand my need of sexual favors on a daily basis.”

“Hmm, if only you could find such a woman,” I giggled, putting my hands on my hips and shaking my head.

Jack then began jumping up and down, his arms waving wildly as I stretched out his arm high in the night sky, “I think I know who the perfect queen would be! I know! I KNOW!”

I giggled before pointing at Jack, “Yes, Jack? Who?”

“Alex!”

My mind stopped for a moment but then resorted to flitting around in a drunken state that didn't let me think about things for very long. Hearing Alex's name should have stung a bit, it should have had some affect, but in my current state of mind, I only smiled at Jack and nodded.

“Yeah, he'd be good. You two always did have something going on in high school,” I giggled, watching as Jack continued to bounce up and down.

“Yeah! He'd be perfect! And the sea people don't care if he's a girl or not! Everyone there is a hermieaphrodianti....uh....what's that word?” He asked, scratching the top of his head.

“A hermaphrodite?” I asked, laughing at his drunken stupor of thought.

He snapped his fingers, “ That's it. Hermieditea.” He nodded, pulling me into a hug and lifting me up off my feet like he used to. I could feel my eyes close as the two of us spun around, my mind becoming sober enough for me to register the memories of when Jack would pick me up amidst laughter in the parking lot of the high school two years previous to this moment, watching my eighteen year old self smile and laugh with the memory of an old friend. It was just like old times. It was just like Lutherville.

I grinned, my confidence blaring as I pulled myself up to kiss Jack's cheek, a goofy grin on his face as I did so before he began stumbling his way in search of Alex.

Kissing Jack's cheek was something I hadn't done in a while. It was something I had missed. I think I had just missed Jack in general.

“Hey! How come he gets a cheek kiss and I don't!” I turned around to look at a pouting Garrett, his blue eyes wide and just adding to the puppy dog look. I giggled, skipping over to my friend and kissing his cheek, his skin contorting into a smile as I continued to press my lips to his face.

“Happy now?” I asked, pulling away to look into his grinning face. He nodded, leaning over and kissing my cheek as well, his kiss a little more sloppy than mine had been, “Gross, Gary. Don't be a dog.” In true dog fashion, the young bassist howled up at the moon, his tongue hanging out of his mouth before he ran away into the direction of Pat who was waving his arms wildly above his head, his shirt missing completely.

My eyes wandered over as Jack ran to various people in the crowd, looking into their faces closely before moving onto the next person, his efforts becoming more and more frustrating from the look on his face. Finally, his eyes caught mine and he walked over to me, his back hunched over in an obvious show of defeat.

“I can't find my Hermie queen. He isn't here.”

“Maybe you didn't look hard enough.”

“Well, there is a strange man over there that I didn't want to go check out,” Jack pulled me closer, his hand cupping next to my ear as he loudly whispered, “He's scary looking...”

I followed Jack's gaze, passed the other party goers to see a figure standing out in the distance with his back to the party as he walked out further away from us.

Turning back to Jack, I said, “How about this: I go over and see if its Alex. If it is, I'll ask him to be your queen...if he talks to me,” Looking up at Jack, he nodded, both of us realizing that Alex would probably throw insults rather than answers at me, but both of us were too drunk to care, “And if it isn't Alex, I'll come back and we'll look together. Deal?” Jack nodded and we shook hands before parting ways, him walking toward the van of drinks and myself toward the lonely figure in the distance.

Feeling the urge to run and get this over with, I sprinted in the direction of the person, my feet kicking up sand behind me.

Finally, as I got closer to their steady walking figure, their back facing me, I started to call out to them, “Hey! Wait up!” They continued to walk, not hearing my drunken screams. Exasperatedly, I yelled again, “Hey, what the fuck?! Hold up!” The person whipped around, their eyes wide as I crashed into them, sending both of us to the sandy beach floor.

“Shit, motherfucker!” He exclaimed, rolling out from underneath me and clutching to his foot, his brown hair shooting in every direction as he inspected his bare foot.

It took me all of five seconds to realize that oh, he was hurt. Finally, I moved from the spot I had fallen to as I looked over at the person's foot. My brain kicked in, as well as some of the things I had picked up on when helping Angela study for her nursing exams, and scooted onto my butt and nearer to his slouched form, gripping his shoulder in my hand.

“You alright?” I asked, mentally hoping that my speech wasn't completely slurred but I knew it had to have been because the person cradling their foot snapped their head toward me, their brown eyes wide and eliciting a gasp from my own mouth.

He stared at me for a moment, his brown eyes searching mine before dropping his foot from his hands, “You're drunk,” Giggling, I nodded, wanting nothing more than to stop the drunken madness I had put myself in. It was just something more he could hold over my head, “You know, in all those months you spent with us, going to parties and drinking, I don't think I ever saw you drunk,” Alex commented, looking over at me with a knowing expression, “I must say, you are a graceful drunk...well, about as graceful as you are sober so that's not really saying much.”

“I will have you know,” I hiccuped, “I am a graceful sober...person.”

Alex stared at me for a moment before doing something I deemed completely out of character.

He laughed.

His face shifted into a smile as he stared at me. His cheeks moved to farm around the sudden contortions of his mouth and his eyes narrowed, not in a glare but in laughter as he looked at me. And he laughed; not an arrogant, scornful laugh, but a hearty, fun filled laugh, something that he had done with me back in high school.

“Yeah, okay, Bates,” Alex said, smirking over at me, one of his eyebrows raised.

“Says the guy with a hurt foot.”

“This is your fault!” He said, gesturing to the cut in the middle of his foot, a small inkling of blood dripping from the new wound.

“How did you even do that!?” I exclaimed, pointing at the gash.

Alex shrugged, “There must have been a rock or shell or something. All I know is that it fucking hurt like hell.”

I nodded, looking at the cut and the sand that had collected in it; it did look quite painful. A thought occurred to me, something I could never dream of doing sober and something I didn't think would ever pop into my mind in any state of mind. It made me think about everything, all the things he had said to me and all the things that had stung me harshly that had caused me to break down on more than one occasion. It made me think of how much pain he had put me through but only for me to think about all the pain I had put him through. It made me remind myself of the smiles Alex and I had shared in high school and all the times he had comforted me because of the pain I had inflicted upon myself in thought of my brother's untimely death. It made me think about everything we had gone through together and how this one little thought I had may have been the stepping stone to help cover up all the pain we had caused each other and ourselves. I leaned forward, looking into Alex's eyes, watching as he stared at me with slight curiosity and confusion on his face.

“I'll kiss it better,” I whispered, watching as Alex's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise. He didn't say anything as I quickly picked up two of my fingers and pressed them to the side of his cut, looking back up at his face with a smile gracing my own, “Better?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

He looked at me for a moment, his warm, labored breath hitting my face before shaking his head, “No.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, “Well, let's try again.” Slowly, I dipped my head down, my lips barely touching the skin next to his cut before picking my head up and looking into his eyes again, “Now is it better?”

Alex smiled, shaking his head again, his breath hitting my face but I welcomed its sweet scent, the warm air hitting my face and I noticed how it didn't smell like the alcohol that was surely on my breath, “Nope.”

Sighing in frustration, I dramatically tossed my head back, looking up into the sky, “Well, I don't know what else to do then. I don't have a band aid.”

“You could say...sorry,” Alex whispered, his body shifting closer to mine as my head shot down to look at his, his eyes boring into mine.

“I could...but you hurt me too,” I whispered, not wanting to break the eye contact I had with him. My head swam with each emotion known to man but I never stayed focused on one; it was hard with those dark brown eyes staring so deeply into mine.

“How?”

“You blamed me for your hurt foot,” I mumbled like a child, my lower lip pouting out which caused a chuckle to rumble in Alex's chest.

“I blamed you for a lot more than a hurt foot, Jay.” Slowly, Alex began shifting closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine as the distance between us grew shorter and shorter.

“I know.” The distance decreased even more.

“You hurt me worse than my foot.” I knew we were no longer talking about Alex's foot but something so much more but all I could process was Alex's body coming closer and closer to mine, my breathing becoming more and more jagged.

I nodded, “I know.” Closer still.

There was a pause as Alex continue to inch forward, his body closer and closer to mine before he was kneeling in front of me, his knees touching my own, “You hurt me...here,” His hand lifted to where it pointed to his chest, his heart. I looked at him, my eyes sad, smile gone as I nodded my head, my gaze continuing to stare at his hand.

I continued to stare at the way his hand held the spot above his chest before I finally met his eyes, “I could...kiss it better.”

Alex didn't say anything as I inched forward, my head dipping to his chest, my hand picking up his and clutching it in my own, my brain never forgetting the callousness of fingers, the way they wrapped over mine in a nostalgic manner. My lips touched the fabric of his t-shirt over his heart, my ears picking up on the subtle sound of his heart beating. I had missed that sound; my own personal lullaby. Finally, I brought my head up, staring into Alex's eyes as he flitted his gaze between my green ones.

“I could kiss it better too...” He whispered so softly that I was sure I had misinterpreted his words. Before I knew it, his head was inching closer to mine, his eyes locked on me as if gauging my reaction. I didn't have one. I was transfixed on the way his hand, that was still ensnared in my own was slowly spreading apart my fingers to let his dance with mine. I was entranced by the way his chocolate brown eyes sparkled against the sea's light. I was mesmerized by the subtle and tentative touch of his other hand slowly finding its familiar place on my waist.

I was at home when his lips finally touched mine, a gasp falling from my lips as my eyes slipped shut, flowing into the pattern of minimal pressure Alex put behind his kiss. Slowly, his mouth covered mine as I melted into something that I hadn't felt in a long time, my mind falling into the pattern as a warm sensation ran from my fingertips to the touch of Alex's fingers on my waist. Shivers ran up my spine as Alex's hand that had been intertwined with my own, left my fingers cold before I felt his touch behind my neck, holding me closer to him.

One of my hands touched his chest, my fingers softly caressing the spot I had kissed before as my other went to touch the hair that had changed, so much like mine, since the last time we had kissed like this. So much more had changed between us than our hair color and outward appearances; we were different, we had changed. Everything was different now. Everything meant so much more.

As the kiss progressed, more pressure was added behind Alex's kiss and I couldn't help but press my body fully against his, showing him my want toward him; it was a feeling I had always known toward him but had never acted on, something I knew he would remember. He obliged, rising up on his knees and pulling me with him as our hands wandered a little more than before.

It was like we were becoming familiar once again with each other, our hands trailing and caressing each other's backs, sides, hair, neck. The kiss became more fervent as our mouths opened wider, letting our tongues slide against the other, exploring, re-familiarizing. Alex's hands gripped my sides, pulling my body closer to him till I was flat against his chest as he began trailing kisses down my neck, leaving behind them a burning sensation I remembered all too well.

That feeling of want but more. The feeling of belonging. The feeling I used to get with Matt but never as strongly as this.

It reminded me all to well of the day when I started drifting away from Alex. It was like we were picking up where we left off but we were more mature now. We had lived life a little more on a different spectrum and it seemed like we were just drifting back together, like nothing had changed between us: the way our bodies flowed together and the way our lips meshed, it was the same as before...only now it was more powerful, more meaningful.

Alex's hands found their way under my shirt, his calloused fingertips gracing the skin just below the curve in my bra. I moaned, closing my eyes as he nipped and sucked lightly at that sensitive spot just below my ear, the spot Matt never seemed to get. Slowly, I felt Alex tugging at the hem of my shirt and I pulled away, looking into his eyes before yanking the material off my body. Alex's eyes hungrily grazed my exposed skin before wrapping an arm completely around my waist and pulling me back into a kiss.

It was long before his shirt and my shoes were added to the pile around us, my back now touching the cold sand of the beach floor, Alex's mouth working its way across mine. My fingertips trailed up and down his chest, getting more familiar with the new stature he had built up in the time since we had last been in this position. Slowly, I trailed my touch from his collarbones down his chest to the top of his jeans, tracing around the brim of his pants, smiling as his shivered into my touch. He pulled away from me, smiling as his gaze flitted around my entire face.

“Fucking tease,” He whispered, my face lighting up in a smirk as I pushed him over, rolling on top of him as he crookedly smiled up at me. I dipped my head down to his neck, making my way with my lips to his collarbone as a moan rumbled in his throat. Smiling, I licked at the hollow of his throat just for a reaction and it shortly came as another moan fell from his lips, his hands grabbing at my jean covered hips and pulling me closer to his body.

Slowly, I sat back on Alex's lap, his hands still attached to my hips as he stared at me. His gaze flitted from eyes to my chest, my stomach, and then my hips where they stayed. His fingers grazed over his own words tattooed on my hip bones as he mouthed the lyrics softly to himself before finally looking back up at me.

I watched, biting my lip that so wished to become attached to his own again, waiting for him to say something, but words never came.

It was silent as he stared at me, a betrayed and hurt look in his dark brown eyes that made me want to curl up into his arms and let him hold me. I just wanted him to hold me. I couldn't find the words I was searching for, my brain shutting down as I watched him prop himself up on his elbows, our faces so close together that I could move an inch or so to connect our lips together once more.

Alex stared at me, the same betrayed look in his eyes as he sat up fully, my body shifting backward in his lap at the action before I felt his hands back on my hips, but this time the calloused fingertips were used to guide me from off his lap. I watched silently as he stood, looking down at me with that look I still remembered him giving me, the look that had haunted my dreams for months after I left Lutherville.

And just like that, Alex Gaskarth walked away, the face of the same boy I had slammed the door on years ago once again stained into my mind.